Gloria to God:

Dear God, still no questions coming in from readers, and I wonder if that means that it's important that I talk over more with You.

God:

There is always more to talk over.

Gloria:

Bev and I watched Godspell last night. It still makes me feel Christ's love and my sadness and yearning for him. Bev asked a good question: Why did Christ have to die like that?

God:

Certain choices bring other choices along with them. One event leads to another.

Gloria:

But why couldn't the people of the time be kinder and wiser? What harm was he possibly doing? He was only doing good.

God:

Egos blinded his persecutors. They let the past rule them. They let their supposed power rule them. They let their fears rule them. Big ego means small vision. Big vision means small ego. Of course, ego is ever ready to show up. To withstand ego's demands, all you have to do is to look at Me. When your eyes and heart are full with Me, there is no room for ego. Ego is a fear-monger. I am a peace-monger. The opposite of fear is peace.

Gloria:

Not love?

God:

We could say that the opposite of fear is neutrality which is pure love which is peace supreme.

Gloria:

I realize that in the little personal hurts and disappointments I have been feeling recently, part of it is that I really like/love these people, and I am not neutral. If only I could love without being wrapped up in it.

God:

That is within your reach.

Gloria:

My nephew offered to do something for Heaven. He offered more than once. He insisted! And he hasn't come through. But I don't have that squeezing hurt with him. Why is that? Maybe I didn't really expect him to come through. I never was sure he would. But with these other recent let-down's, I did believe they would. Maybe my hurt feelings aren't from what was done or wasn't done, but rather something else. I feel no sense of let-down with my nephew. What he was going to do for Heaven is important, and yet I somehow didn't have that investment of myself when it came to him.

God:

Your heart wasn't set on his coming through. You did not tie up your love for him or his love for you in his action or inaction. Your heart didn't really make the demands on him that you did with the others you are speaking of. You did not wrap your expectations up in him. You let him keep his freedom, and you kept yours. You were not dependent on him for his love, dear Gloria. You did not mix up his performance with love. With the others you did.

Sometimes We speak of heart, and We mean love. And sometimes We speak of heart, as in this case, and it is heart mixed with ego. When you are dependent upon another's return to you, when the life of your heart depends on it, then you can know it is ego working.

Jesus never thought: I counted on so and so not to let me down.

Jesus was ever thinking of Me.

He did not let his personality get caught up in what was directed to him or not directed to him.

Gloria:

Yes. Yet, dear God, in the Garden of Gethesmane, he was sad that the disciples didn't stay awake with him.

God:

Not so much that they didn't — more because they were unable. His sadness or awareness was for them, dear Gloria, not for himself. This is just as you might feel when someone you care about sometimes shows they are so ignorant of something that is so obvious you that you are surprised. You can almost feel their future stumbling because they don't see clearly right now.

Do you think that Jesus was not aware of the loss his friends would feel at his leaving earth? Do you think that he was not thinking of them? Of course, more was he thinking of his mission, but he also let his eyes fall on his innocent friends.

When your friends let you down, Gloria, you were not thinking of their well-being. You were thinking of your hurt, not them, isn't that true?

Gloria:

Yes.

God:

So get your attention off yourself, and put it back on Me. Attention on yourself will always get you into trouble.

Gloria:

I think I know what you mean, yet Jesus had his attention on You above all, and yet he got into trouble.

God:

The world crucified him, but Jesus' heart stayed intact. His thought was not, "Look what has happened to me. Look at the mess I am in." He was so anchored in My love and My pure love reflected in him as his own that his heart beat love not woe.

On the cross, Jesus did not say, "Father, why have You forsaken me?" The ears of his hearers heard what their hearts would say. They heard awry. More likely he was saying, "Father, all is for Your sake", for Jesus spoke only truth, and he was a stranger to self-pity.

Gloria:

About his disciples falling asleep when he asked them not to, sometimes I cannot stay awake. I cannot. Maybe they simply could not let in what was happening, and sleep was the only way they could handle it.

God:

The sleep was symbolic of their unawareness, dear Gloria. Sleep was oblivion. Sleep takes off the mantle of care. The sleeper feels absolved of responsibility. All ignorance is sleep. But the disciples awoke later. The waking always comes.

* * *

Bev to Heavenletters:

I have been especially enjoying the last two days of HL's — I need to keep rereading them!

Ruth to Heavenletters:

I think Nancy is a genius, cutting right to the essence. I would be happy to contribute some money, but I agree that it would be much more efficient if the Heavenletters could go by email. Even if the prisoners don't have email perhaps the chaplain does and s/he could then distribute printouts from the chaplain's budget or we could send contributions for that purpose, which would still be cheaper than postage.

What do you think? How should checks be made out for this project? Please let me know soon.

Thanks to Nancy for the wonderful inititative.

All the best, and love from Ruth