Please read the Guidelines that have been chosen to keep this forum soaring high!
Panic, sadness
Posted September 22nd, 2007 by Mirror
Not sure if you will appreciate this post but I am not sure what is happening to me today.
I think the reality of being totally alone, continually financially broke, and not having much interest in any life really unless I make myself, is catching up to me.
Not sure what to do.
Carol
Will you remind me, angel,
Will you remind me, angel, who you are? I know I used to know you. So much is going on I can't keep track.
Hang on, sweetie.
Check this forum. The beautiful Heavenreaders here will respond to you.
And, God above all, is listening.
God bless you.
With love,
Gloria
Hello Gloria, Yes, you have
Hello Gloria,
Yes, you have spoken to me before. I am Carol from Australia and my partner David left his body in 2004 and I used to come in here and talk.
I normally am on top of things and have even helped others but today is not doing well and I needed to call out online for help if possible.
I thought you said you were leaving for Agentina or something the last time I read or heard from you so I wasn't sure if you or this site was still operating.
Glad it is.
I have been asking for help from God and anyone in my thought and other dimensions who can help most of the afternoon and evening here today.
I absolutely just do not understand either because before I went to lunch with an old friend, I was actually really doing quite good today and had even gone out to dinner with work friends and laughed etc. last night.
Listening to my old friend talk about her life, something snapped and I had to leave and ever since, I have not been good.
I will write to God............but can not get it together right now.
Thanks...........for listening/reading this,
Carol
Carol, I remember you so
Carol, I remember you so well with fondness. I am giving Godwriting workshop today and tomorrow. There are some lovely perceptive people who come to this forum, some who are going through the same sort of thing you are.
Argentina isn't until November, possibly December or January at the latest.
However, there will be no interruption in anything that is Heavenletters.
Come to www.godwriting.org. That has great stuff too!
Love you, dear Carol.
God bless you.
Gloria
Gloria.........Thank you. I
Gloria.........Thank you.
I am not sure what happened to me yesterday but I am wounded but better today.
I know my limitations and so must try not to do things which will upset me.
I will try to write to god.
Carol
xx
Sweetest Carol, I send you a
Sweetest Carol,
I send you a big big hug and hold you tight as long as you wish. Maybe talking to your friend got you to compare your lives and that got you down, don't know. Don't make comparisons, they don't bring us any benefit, I know that sometimes it's hard and that the life of another can just seem so good, it's not real this.
Keep talking to God dear Carol, write to Him and/or keep talking to Him, tell Him everything and give everything to Him. I send you all my love dear, pls feel free to contact me anytime, you have my mail.
It is ok with your soul dear Carol, although when we're in the strom we don't see the sun, the sun is always there, God is your sun and you are your sun and our sun.
Endless Love and a big hug to you
Berit
Dear Berit, Thank
Dear Berit,
Thank you................you are a very caring person/soul indeed.
I am not sure what has happened to me.
I am functionable today.
I might have to investigate anti-depressant medication again. The anxiety and panic was terrible.
I have asked for higher healing and rescuing and am continuing to ask for this from above me today.
I just really really hate the fact that I have no friends to do things with and when I do with ones who are here for me a bit, they do not want me to talk of David and me.
I need to do that.........he was my true love and I believe in true love.
I can feel judgement to me even if no one says a word.
Carol
xx
Sweetest Carol, just was
Sweetest Carol,
just was thinking, you could talk with God about David, you could talk 24h a day to God a about David and you and you could listen to His answers, listen carefully, keep listening carefully and if you want write the answers down or write it all. What you would like to say and tell about David, write it down.
You can write it to me if you should feel like doing so, feel free to send me pages and pages of what you want to share and tell about David, feel free.
Love and hugs and blessings
Berit
Hello Carol, From reading
Hello Carol,
From reading your words I feel first and foremost grieving. Bereavement is handled by each of us in different ways and for some can last many years. I;ve read that there are many stages people go through during bereavement and we all go through the stages differently and repeat some of the stages at different times. All of which is normal. A very helpful book that you might consider reading is "Beyond Grief" A Guide for Recovering from the Death of a Loved One by Carol Staudacher. This book has been very helpful to me.
God Bless you,
Peace,
Cailen
Dear Cailen, Thank you for
Dear Cailen,
Thank you for reading my post and even responding.........
You are right about me and I need to give myself more time.
I have read a few grief books, not that one you mention so will see.
Carol
xx
Dearest Carol, I too have
Dearest Carol,
I too have compassion for how you feel and therefore, surround you with the light of love and inner peace. You have already made the right steps in asking for help and help DOES come, just be OPEN to it, it might also come from unexpected sources and differently then expected!
You did well in coming back here to the forum and as you can see, love and support is already being showered on to you. Stay here and you will be safe and protected. Also, it is a good time to read some of the previous "Heavenletters", the mists will clear and as Berit says, "the sun is there..........."and it will shine into your life again.
With much love,
Xenia
Dear Xenia, Thank you.
Dear Xenia,
Thank you. Everyone in here and in other online places are so so loving and understanding and patient and caring and I appreciate them, you, so much.
Just wonder why the real world around me is not as much.
Trouble is..............all I want to do is have others let me talk about David and maybe even do it themselves.
I will look out for help from unexpected sources.
Thank you again, I am slightly better today.
Carol
xx
Dearest Carol, I hold you in
Dearest Carol,
I hold you in high esteem for replying to each and every post, considering that you were in a depressed frame of mind. Thank you! I am glad that you are better now.
If you take a step at a time, without carrying the load of the past or the future, then your moments will be lighter. It helps to find gratitude as often as possible and it can be in the smalest or most insignificant things (the expression of your pet, the colour and pattern of a flower, the sound of your favourite song, the taste of the food you eat.........), the more you do that, the world around you will change. It will not change, but your PERCEPTION of it will and that is all that matters to you. Eventually, you will have different life circumstances and friends. I know that from experience.
The love that you and David had, must have been beautiful and I think that the advice that Berit gives you, is excellent. Write, write, write..... You can communicate with him too, you know?
Love and Light to you,
Xenia
Hi Carol, "All I want to do
Hi Carol,
"All I want to do is have others let me talk about David" ----- ok, start talking I'd love to hear all about David and you! Do not wait for others to give you the go ahead to talk about David, give yourself the go ahead and go for it! I know it might seem at times, or that others might tell you that is it unhealthy to talk about David as he has moved on BUT it is unhealthy to hold your feelings/thoughts in. Seems to me, from my own experience, that most people really don't know how to react to someone who is mourning so they tend to stay as far away from the topic as possible not realizing the hurt they pass on unintentionally.
I'm no "specialist" in this area and those who have moved on from my little space of Earth weren't a partner but I do understand what it is like to miss a spirit so terribly much that its hard to continue on. Maybe something that would be helpful for you is to write letters to David expressing how you feel??? Just a thought....
Peace,
Cailen
Hi Carol...nice to make your
Hi Carol...nice to make your acquaintance. And thank you for bringing to us how you are currently feeling about things. Just to share is so important and significant...and know you are heard...and that we here on the board are listening with love...I know for myself...increasingly it feels like I myself can do little to really "solve" anything...and what to do about feelings...especially when they feel negative, depondent...or even depressed...what's a perrson to do? One thing is to deeply honor whatever you are feeling...that it is okay to feel that way. When we make it okay...we allow a little love and light in. And...it is so, so amazing when we let a little love and light in. Even just a thimble-full...just for even a few moments. There is a wonder and beauty in this....just for a few moments. Just have a little, soft intent...to view and feel whatever you are feeling from perhaps this new perspective...from the perrspective of a very gentle love...and somehow this softens things...makes them okay...for they really are okay...just for a few seconds. Tell me what you think about this...if it resonates...even a tad.
Love and blessings...Jim.
Each new moment is like a sacred prayer bead...to be held lightly and lovingly.
Dear Jim, I thank you for
Dear Jim,
I thank you for reading and then responding with love and care thoughtfully written for me.
I will honour my feelings and try to act on all the kind advice given here for me.
I will ask the light to flow into me and see if I am worthy for it to do so.
Carol
xx
Carol, God says you are
Carol, God says you are worthy. Would you argue with Him?!!!
The more I thought about all
The more I thought about all the beautiful responses to you, Carol, the more I thought that you could tells us all some of your sweet memories of David. And then I also thought we all have sweet memories of someone we love, whether on Earth or in Heaven, and we could each tell of one moment that stands out for us. I bet it is a little thing that means so much.
I think this is a wonderful
I think this is a wonderful idea !
Love and blessing
Berit
Dearest Carol, You are very
Dearest Carol,
You are very lovely, you are a wonderful person. Imagine the courage in writing this things here, I admire you so much, I love you and I know the source of life that IS you and all that is around you "God", loves you always.
You see dearest, it is easy for us to say take it easy, don't be hard on yourself, do not compare yourself with another individual, don't cry etc..., yes that is what we loving hearts here would tell you, but I understand what it means to be alone, when it seem no one wants to understand your feelings, when it seems the whole world is moving faster than you and no one cares about you.
I must tell you that it is not easy, but you have to take just one thing from me, God still holds you very dearly, very very dearly, I imagine all the wonderful things that are trying to emanate from you, those things that will bring smiles to millions of people, Dearest One, step by step, they are happening.
And the love of your life? How would you know that he would also want to see you always smile and carry on with cheerful doings.
Making new friends? you can start by being a very good friend to yourself first, and lets see what will happen from there.
I love you so much Dearest Carol.
Dearest Ekene, your are a
Dearest Ekene,
your are a loving angel and a blessing !!
Love
Berit
Dear Ekene, I thank you for
Dear Ekene,
I thank you for taking the time to write to me.
I am not sure how you like me but I do need to hear such things so perhaps that is why you wrote.
I am indeed finding life very hard but part of that right now is the time of year for me. The memories etc.
I also have worries for my eldest daughter and her children at present and money issues but really it is a complete feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do , how to act or who I am anymore.
This forum is so helpful just to vent and rave on and express my feelings and I know that I have experienced weeks, months even of clarity and peace and have even been able to help and assist others.
This is not one of those periods but yes, I am very aware of how others around me and how David would too want me to be happy and enjoy life with all its glory and wonderf. Not as easy to do as say or vibe though and I get very very agitated at others who wish me to 'snap out of it' or 'turn sadness into happiness, just because it is TIME'..............
True friendship and love is so clearly obvious to me through this experience.
I am trying and feel that most of the time I am a good friend to myself and so thank you for reminding me to do so.
Carol...............
You know, I went back and
You know, I went back and read over your initial comment, Carol -- and what a pure open simple expression it was -- and it reminded me of the Heavenletter called Gaining the Boundless which came out a few days after you posted your comment. Feeling as you felt may indeed be a good thing.
This beautiful thread here -- how many responses? -- lots -- reminds me how much I love the internet and this forum. Here, hearts touch. It doesn't matter our age, gender, geography, height, weight etc. Pure hearts simply speak to each other. Souls speak.
Carol lives in Australia, Ekene in Nigeria. Ekene is a man, though many of us wouldn't know that from his name. Carol has grown children, buried a good husband, while young Ekene, I believe, is single, and so on, yet our voices are equal.
All the boundaries are broken here. There are no borders.
God bless the internet, Tiny Tim, and all of us.
With love,
Gloria
Oh wonderful Carol, I feel
Oh wonderful Carol, I feel how difficult it is being lonely, without money, and not much friends to speak to or even seek advice from.
But lets look at it this way, you can get a pen and a paper, try not to live in denial of what is happening and also try as much as possible not to judge your loving self, take your pen and paper and write,
Yes there is no friends now,
Yes I have lost my husband,
Yes I don't have money at this moment
Yes I want everything to be in place
Yes I do not understand what is happening to me now
and so on,
Then continue writing, tell God how you feel right now, I mean the exact way you feel, try not to hold anything back, just tell God all, even those things you think is meaningless to say, write it on that paper, I would say you should not mind to correct the grammer, just write, in case tears try to run down, go on, let it out,
Tell God that you don't actually know where, what and how to start, and that the only thing that is clear is that God is all that you are.
Please loving Carol, you can try and do this your own way, I know that doing this can help you reduce the power the present situation hold on you and when you are done, just keep the paper some where you will not see it, you don't need to read it just forget it.
For your daughter, try to set the intension on what is best for her not what you think is best for her and see how God will take care of that.
Money is something that comes from many ways that we can not always predict, but one thing you can take from me is that it all starts from you.
As you move out and interact more with people, I trust that many ways will be opened for an infow of wealth, joy and happiness.
With gratitude and blessing,
I love you so much carol.
Ekene
www.spiritmillionaires.com
Dearest Carol, I perfectly
Dearest Carol,
I perfectly agree to everything Ekene is proposing you so lovingly. Write it all down, get it out, everything. ...Maybe right while you writing your feelings on paper God will answer you and you will also write down His answers. God's always within, around everywhere, you are ONE with God and He always speaks to you, write down everything and when you feel better or tired or exhausted for writing, stop, hold on for a moment and listen within.
Sweetest Carol, you are in my heart and in my prayers. I know quite well that when we are in midst of your troubles everything seems unclear and lost and we don't understand, but these are clouds, and they will disappear to let the sun light in again. The sun never stops to shine and so does God's love and the love of all people that surrounds you.
I send you big big hug of infinite love.
Berit
(((((((Carol)))))) I'm not
(((((((Carol))))))
I'm not sure if you remember me, but Gloria introduced us. Bless her for the love she has for so many. It has been awhile. My computer has been down for months. I contacted Gloria as soon as I got it up running again, cause i have really missed her site. I have thought of you so much. We share a deep longing for our husbands that i feel no one understands how deep it is, but i always think of you, cause i know you know. When i read your post i knew it was you. I know you wrote it back in September and it is now Febuary, but i felt i needed to write. Maybe somehow Gloria can give you my e-mail, cause it has changed. You are so in my prayers ((((Carol)))) and hope we can talk soon.
Love & Blessings
Mary
Hi Mary, It is now Easter,
Hi Mary,
It is now Easter, well, April 13th now, 2009 and I have just read your post above here to me.
My friend Sydney posted something on here yesterday so I responded to it then logged in and checked over my old letters and all the wonderful responses I received.
If you still read here, I will try to find you. Thank you for your words.
I met physically for the first time, my beloved David Easter, 2001 so I am very nostalgic this week. On holidays which makes me stop and grieve more also. No the saddness and the longing has not gone away and nor do I think it ever will to be honest. I have adjusted, and I smile and laugh and get involved with life but it is always with me, the missing, as well his soul is always with me, the love.
Hope to talk to you soon.
Carol
I remember you very well,
I remember you very well, dear Carol.
God bless you.
With love,
Gloria
Oh Gloria, I have not opened
Oh Gloria,
I have not opened your website for many moons but have always known it was here for me (if that makes sense).
My tears flow if I allow them, nothing has changed in that regard but I am convincing myself more and more and I do completely believe, that this physical journey is just that and I do the best I can and smile the best I know how to smile and life blows the winds and the sun shines so brilliantly and I know that for some reason I can not fathom completely, we are here, living this journey and these lives for truth and experience. More than that, I believe we are living them to know that we are in fact spirits in bodies. It is like when you take something for granted and then it leaves your life, you appreciate it more. Perhaps we all had to come into this existence and live as humans with restrictions and emotional barriers, so that we can appreciate the love that we truly are and the magnificence that we truly are and to perhaps guide the unguidable back into their souls.
I hope that you are well, happy and living this as you give and are giving to so many lost souls and I thank you for being you.
Love Carol (Mirror and sometimes these days I call myself Nivvy)
p.s. Am I the only one who has posted a photo of myself on this site ? :) haha I am a vain human as well.
Beloved Carol, Mirror,
Beloved Carol, Mirror, Nivvy, you are not the only one who has their photo posted on this site. But you are indeed gorgeous!
Now, look here, do you mean you are not receiving Heavenletters? You could be the only person posting who is not receiving! And we won't hear of that! No, add your name to the mailing list this minute!!! On the right margin near the top, you will see a link that says Subscribe to Heaven. Press that link right now!
Tomorrow's blog entry might interest you. It's called A Multi-Dimensional Memory.
But, first, get back on the mailing list!
Loving you,
Gloria