Ok;
So, two summers ago, I went to Arran in Scotland. Previously from this holiday with my parents, I had been a good friend to many, and was pretty pleased with myself. I visited this beautiful island in Southwestern Scotland, and fell in love with the mountains and the sea, things which I had always had a soft spot for.

The time which I spent on the island gave me time to think about my place in the universe (i'm not sure why) but I ended up tying myself in endless speculation about whether or not I was being a good enough person.

So I had a great holiday, and returned home as the winter set in. I returned to Scotland in October with my friend, by which time I had been spending many of my days watching atheism - religious programs on the internet out of extreme boredom or just being skeptical. My loved my mountains and planet, so somehow a materialistic worldview just didn't work for me, despite every website I looked at opposing this.

On Orknejyar (Or the Orkney Islands as they are now known) I sat around a lot with my friend, the nights were long and the days short in this semi-nordic land, which had an ancient quality to it, I became fascinated by ancient peoples, their view on the world, and by how individual cultures expressed themselves through language and art. The Orkneys are beautiful, yet isolated, allowing my mind to go beyond its audinery thought and wonder.

So then came the point around about last christmas time when I started to read stuff saying that mystical experiences were all in the mind, etc etc, and could be induced.

I went past this phrase when I found this website, and managed to become very content. I became very interested in nature as the spring grew upon my region, and set about making the most of it.

However I've always speculated a lot. Even when it comes to less important things, like language, I will ask 'why do we use 'mo' before 'oidhche' or what have you when discussing gaelic :)

I've learned that to speculate and to think 'what if' clouds your perception. By a few months, you have so many possibilities and ideas inside your head that you are literally lost. However I did get oot, the hard way. It took a long time but I think I'm grasping the universe a lot better than I used to, yet through the winter I have again speculated about everything (more or less), not leaving my mind to rest.

From what I have learned, everything makes sense to me, there is no doubt in one of my states of mind, but I have another state of mind which fixes in at times.. it's annoying, and I feel the need to sort it, sometimes this works, but if your concentrating on problems all the time like I am, then your energy can't go to much else beyond going in circles.

In one state of mind, I know that I am in a massive dream or holographic illusion, whereby what can be described as 'imagination' creates what we call time and space, and these relate to us as we wish them to, essentially we create our own reality out of the more 'pure' energy which is God. We are part of God, everything else which we experience is not. I am not sure how this works to this very day.

The trouble is that when I don't know how something works, it comes back to haunt me.
I find the concept of God very logical (when one changes their worldview to that which expressed by God on this website), yet it is so hard, it seems almost too good to be true.

I've read too many things starting with 'scientists believe that they can explain...' and 'could it be that...',

One of the things which gets me most is 'GOD EXISTS ONLY WITHIN THE BRAIN'. GOD IS AN EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS which was incorportated into mankinds' DNA.

The other alternative is of course: GOD EXISTS EVERYWHERE, and that OUR DNA helps us to find our true self.

I wish with all my heart that I could live a simply life, being a potato farmer and poet in West Ireland or what have you, or owning a ranch of land and living with a tribe of Navajo Indians in America, just being free from worry. But for me it's a bit too late. I don't want to explain God as such, but surely if this is what I desire from God, it could come to me in a message/godwriting?

Its worries on the surface, but underneath all this, receiving knowldge of this sort can become love in itself. If people knew.. without a doubt that God was not an evolutionary part of the brain which went terribly wrong or what have you, then attitudes would really change. It's hardly my place to tell everyone something, they have to find their own truth, but this would certainly be mine, and would encourage others to find truth also.

How can we tell that God isn't entirely inside of us? Could it be possible that God is helping us all the time, it's just that we don't notice it, E.g.: MANIFESTATION/Cosmic ordering I'm positive that he isn't, and ,along with channeling which would prove that he/she it is not, but still I don't know... in my mind there are bad thoughts which must go at some point soon, and I know that God's words 'it doesn't matter' will not calm me, perhaps they will for a time but that part of me which wants to know will just surface, and anyhow I think it is important :)

This is a little story I have posted, I hope one day soon that I can end it on a more sure note, when one isn't sure of the foundations of what there 'is' then it's quite difficult for his life to unfold :(

Love and Blessings & a merry christmas

Grá leibh 's beannachtaí leibh agus Nollaig Shona díbh