Hiya guys,

I just want to run something past you.

Basically over the past few months I have felt a closeness to God that I had never experienced before since the start of my spiritual journey 3 years ago.

I truly felt I was God, my true God-self and that miracles were going to start happening wherever I focussed God's light and asked him to outpicture the perfect Christ vision for any situation. Don't get me wrong, I have been having miracles for a long time but more synchronicitous happenings than actual miracles (eg. Healing) if you know what I mean. I was now feeling that I could do some pretty major stuff if I just knew how.
I was having time to meditate and connect with God regularly throughout my day, having wonderful experiences with God and other spiritual beings, visions of being given gifts and light and honours by these beings and a very strong message that I was doing fantastically well in stepping up to a good place with God. It was great as I have always been a bit dogged by self-esteem problems and I really felt that I was finding my true confidence in God.

Then I felt a sudden huge urge that I needed to bring all of my truth out into the open fully. I was fed up with finding a quiet place to whisper my prayers or invocations, keeping my spiritual progress to myself in many ways, just being the usual mum, IT analyst, wife on the surface but with these inner vast changes to my view of myself, life, mother Earth. It was all just bursting to come out and I didn't know how.

So I started doing a bit of writing, started trying to meet up with spiritual people locally and thinking about how I really want my life to be (which is total saturation in God by the way, career in God, lovelife in God, everything totally God-focussed). And I was feeling a bit stuck but using spiritual techniques I'd picked up to imagine these changes, visualise them and pray to God for these changes to happen for me. So far so good.

Then wham! a negative situation at work kicked off big time:

For a while I have been project managing a big project that is too much for me to manage, but I ignored my inner promptings to do various things to sort out this issue in a timely way and now it's all falling about around my head, with cans of worms opening everywhere, a contract signed that we are committed to doing various things that we now can't do with penalties if we don't do them and people reacting quite negatively as you can imagine ("why are we only finding this out now with weeks to go" and the like)

I have been feeling like a failure, have had no confidence in how to articulate the next steps, been unable explain myself when challenged, have just caved in like a victim and burst into tears every so often.

What a change from the huge self-confidence in God I felt a few short days ago. And although I know I am still that God-self, I'm finding it hard to feel the God power and the miracle feeling where I can change all to success.

I am pulling myself together, don't get me wrong - I am NOT a victim, I am going to come up with a paper outlining next steps over the next couple of days and will be presenting to the project sponsors next week to explain myself and suggest ways forward. It will be fine.

I wondered the following though:
Do you think God and ourselves actually agree to co-create these situations sometimes, when we're in a good place spiritually to show us residual fears/incorrect beliefs that we haven't yet transcended but they only come up when we're highly stressed. A sort of "you can cope with this now and change your psychology"?
Do you think because of the extra light being directed to Earth at the moment to help with the Shift that all these old beliefs are coming up to be dealt with and transcended?
Do you think God is trying to tell me that actually I'm in the wrong job (I know I do want my career to be more spiritual but haven't found a vocation yet)?

I know that part of me thinks I'm a failure and incoherent and scared of pushing back when people give me work. I also know that those are wrong beliefs and I thought I had transcended them, but now they're all falling back onto me! However I also know that I didn't follow my intuition several months back when the project started because of various fears, and that's why the problems are coming now. Do you think I have actually transcended them and it's just that I hadn't transcended them back then?
What shall I focus on to get me out of this hole?!?!

Actually I feel a lot better now I have written it down. I do know the next steps for the work aspect. I'm just not sure about the psychology/spiritual aspect. Yes all these horrible feelings about myself have come up, yes I allowed them to stifle my true God-self.

To answer my own question: I vow to do what it takes to get back to that place of God-power and miracles. Whatever it takes and as quickly as possible.

Maybe that's the key. Whilst we are here on Earth, we are still prey to negativity in various guises - whether from inside ourselves or outside ourselves. We just have to vow to do what it takes to regain the power. Once the Earth is raised in vibration then negativity will reduce but no matter how right we think we are with God, there will still be incorrect beliefs to transcend and God will show us them anyway he can.

In the meantime, I also vow never to ignore my intuition again! I'm sure the situation would have been a lot less stressful if I hadn't done so.

Thanks for listening,
Kate xx