You often wonder how to tell the difference between taking control and taking responsibility. You know that it's better not to control, and yet it's often a puzzle as to how to take responsibility without exerting control. Is hands off better than going for it? How do you know when to hang on and when to let go? Let go of everything. Lines are not always drawn.

Having a say is not the same as controlling. Persisting until you are heard is not the same as controlling. Being honest is not the same as controlling.

Passivity may be a form of control, and it may ensure an outcome you do not want. Laissez-faire is not the same as relaxing your hold. Giving up isn't quite the same as letting go. What is it that you let go of?

There are some things that are in your domain. There are other things that are not. This is the crux of it. And how do you know?

If you are a teacher in a classroom, it is better that your children work with joy rather than fear. Fear is controlling; joy is not. You do not restrict the hand of each child. But you do give assignments. And the children show them to you, and you honor their work. If a child has made a spelling error, you do not pretend he has not or that you don't notice. If the child says, "No, I spelled that word right," you don't say out of a wish not to control, "Okay". Letting go of control doesn't mean the same as anything goes. It doesn't mean ignoring what is in front of you.

A bus driver drives the bus. He keeps his hands on the wheel. He knows where the bus is supposed to go, and he is the one to take it there. He does not abdicate his responsibility out of a desire not to control.

Letting your needs be known is not control. It is letting your needs be known.

An employer needs to give you a certain amount of free rein, and he needs to honor you, but sometimes there is a certain budget, and it has to be followed.

How do you let work belong to the one working on it and yet keep your responsibility? Does that mean to let go of the outcome? How to not be attached and yet care and have a say? How do you put that all together?

On the other hand, when the responsibility is not yours, and you see a better way, what do you do? Then do you bite your tongue?

Biting your tongue is not letting go of control. Biting your tongue is repressing. It is better to express than not to express. But that does not mean to stamp your foot.

Desiring isn't the same as controlling.

You don't have to fight to the end. You don't have to fight at all.

As much as you are able, let your interchange with others not be a contest. Don't even have the idea of contest. Having responsibility is not the same as trying to win.

When something is your responsibility, you don't have to exert the authority that is already yours. You are the one who has to know your authority. When responsibility is yours, it's yours. You don't take it; you already have it. This is not the same as getting your way.

You grope the rope of life as you climb it. Having responsibility isn't the same as knowing everything. There is also a responsibility to listen.

Let goodwill be yours, and goodwill will follow.