Be Respectful First
Anger flares up when your perceived right to control is affected. Anger is always a control issue, beloveds.
Someone should not have done what they did, nor say what they did, nor step on your lawn. They should do as you see fit. Maybe they really should, yet why are you so hot under the collar?
If you had no need to control, you would not steam yourself in anger. If you had no need to control, why then would you see red when something isn't the way you would choose?
That you would not get angry doesn't mean that you would lie down and love everything that is presented to you. It just means that heat would not rise within you. It doesn't mean that you would not protest or that you wouldn't express. Not at all. You will express better without anger. Without anger, you will prevent wars. With anger, you will escalate war.
This doesn't mean you wouldn't object to something. Objecting and anger are not the same. Protesting and anger are not the same. I don't need to tell you what anger feels like. You already know that too well. It is one thing to object to and correct a child's misspelling, for instance, and another to be irate about his misspelling.
Even if a great offense is done to you, what is the advantage in raising your blood pressure? What exactly has been taken away from you that you have to erupt in anger or have a slow burn? If someone or something sears your heart, what is gained by your raising your temperature?
Anger is never wonderful.
Speaking up is another thing. Asserting yourself is another thing.
Anger is always hostile. You may be absolutely correct, and the offending party absolutely incorrect A situation may have to be changed, Still, rage is not your friend. Rage undermines you.
If you really do want to have more jurisdiction over your life, then no longer accept anger. You do not have to be controlled by anything that is said and done. However, when you want to control a situation, so you rise to the bait and you rise in anger, and you lose control of that which is yours to have some say over.
You cannot choose for other people. You cannot make them say or do what you think they should, no matter how right you are. They are not puppets whose strings you can pull.
You may well accuse someone else of bossing you around. They really are bossing you around, and it offends you. When you want to tell them off, what are you doing but wanting to boss them around, the very thing that ticked you off. You don't like anyone telling you what to do. You don't even want your employer to tell you what to do. And, so, you must not tell others what to do or how to think.
No matter how perturbed you feel, no matter how unfair someone's treatment of you may be, it is for you to go higher. Otherwise, you are left with a tug of war. That's what skirmishes amount to. "Yes, I can. No, you can't."
When you see children doing that, you know better. Know better when it is you.
There are a million items that you can feel angry about. There are million times you don't like the way something is done. Yet it is your need to control that makes you break out in anger.
You get angry with your computer. You get angry with your friend, your mother, your wife, your husband.
Instead of yelling, talk softly. Be kind. React as you would like others to react.. Be respectful. Be respectful first.