A White Peony
I know how difficult life can appear to be. And appearances can be so convincing. At times, one just wants to give up! If only I knew how. Despondency creeps in...followed by its darker brother...depression. And what triggers these states can be very different for each one of us. A state can envelop us that is so stunning...polarizing...paralizing...so that we even walk in a stagger...with a continual down-cast stare. It is not very pleasant...to say the least.
And then I kind of aimlessly walk...half seeking some kind of relief...and half not caring...just walking...into a park it appears...and then a secluded bench....that is good...away from it all...so no one will notice me. I just want to be left alone...all alone.
And I just sit there...me in a grey fog...just there...nothing to do...nowhere to go...alone by myself...just me and my misery. A long time passes...it seems...and then I notice something:
A white peony in full bloom. It is quite stunning...even through my foggy gaze. Hmm. It seems so bright and alive...and look...something glistening on the downward tip of a dainty petal. A little bead of dew...like a little jewel...or a little tear.
Something tells me... "that this little flower has sense enough to cry".
Where did I get those words?...who cares? And then a sadness begins to well up within me...just a sadness...no big deal...maybe...just maybe...from all of those unexpressed moments...across the playing fields of my life when I dared not to shed a tear...when the barriers were too thick to feel much of anything...
Yet now...it feels like something is coming up...a deep wave of grief perhaps. "At least I now know I'm alive..." I say to myself....half-amused. And then it is my turn to cry...
I look again at the peony and noticed that new tears have gathered on the petal. Maybe we have something in common...
I take a long sigh...and feel one moment of sweet relief...a moment of relief and gratitude for being me.
A kind of seed was planted in that encounter with the peony...a seed that went deep into my heart.
And ever since then, I have felt an ease with myself and others...and perhaps something resembling love.
Thank you God for the gift of the peony...the gift of hope...and the gift of love.
These words just came to my heart...one by one...to share with your heart...Loving you, Jimi.
Sweetest Jimi, you have
Sweetest Jimi,
you have expressed so well sadness, depression and just being tired of it all, I have been to this place several times and I thank God for letting me see always a white peony. Personally I can say the the trouble with such moments is that I don't even care much of getting out of them, so God really saved many many times.
The seed of Love grows and grows and always brought me back to life, and so..... "if you just have the faith of mustard seed, you shall move this mountain..."
Thanks sweetest Jimi, for being the loving brother you, glad to have found you.
Much love and a tender hug
Berit
How do you like this white peony ?? It's simply HEAVEN, of a breathtaking beauty, as your heart.....
Hi Berit and Jochen and
Hi Berit and Jochen and Gloria. Thank you for your heartfelt responses...And Berit...thank you for the photo! I know plants pretty well, but I have never seen a peony...they never grew around where I loved...(lived) They remind me a little of an azalea or a hibiscus. It is so nice to see a photo...I have been touched at times with that kind of hopelessness...and I truly believe, like you, that these are the times that we are carried by God. This photo is beautiful...I am so amazed at the splendor of God's creations. Thank you dear ones...and may you all be blessed with beauty and peace....loving you, Jimi.
Each Country of the world is like a sacred prayer bead...held lightly and lovingly...
"If only I knew how." Yes,
"If only I knew how."
Yes, wonderful Jimi, there is such a tiny tiny nuance of difference between giving up and giving in. It can take almost a whole life to find out about it. In my case it does. These words that "just come to your heart" are so beautiful.
And Berit, you are so right, it must have taken God quite some work to get us out of our holes again and again and again.
Such a gorgeous photo! They are just starting to come out where I live.
Hugs
Jochen
For God, everything is easy
For God, everything is easy and effortless. He has never worked a day in His life!
Sweetest Gloria, I love you
Sweetest Gloria, I love you !
hugs
Berit
Echoing Berit, Jochen
Echoing Berit,
Jochen