Sandra wrote the following within two weeks of her husband David's death. They were married for thirty-five years and had a close, tender marriage. — Gloria

Sandra to Heavenletters:

Dear Gloria, I've been away from the computer for about five days. I've only been doing what has to be done. I've been in bed, read three Dominick Dunne books, eaten soft comfort foods and sweets and talked on the phone.

I MUST attend to bills and the thank-you cards this weekend. I don't anticipate feeling too jolly after that. I remember having horrible headaches after doing notes for my parents.

The next months, until after our son's wedding, are going to be sheer indulgence. I didn't realize how tired and beat-up I've been feeling. I need to get my act together physically, dentists, doctors, etc.

I also need time to think and grieve. I'm still feeling pretty numb, especially spiritually.

It's fine with me to put this note in Heaven. I hope God has something to say.

Enough for now. I will keep in touch.

Loving you, Sandra

God to Sandra:

My dear Sandra, you are avoiding Me. Being My human child, you feel resentment, anger, and disappointment in Me. You wanted beloved David to live forever, and I disregarded what you wanted. To your mind, I took him away from you. To your mind, he was yours, and I took him.

You don't quite want to lash out at Me, for I am God, after all, but you are plenty ticked off. So, for the moment, you will turn your eyes away from Me. You won't notice Me. Perhaps you see Me out of the corner of your eye as you might see someone at the supermarket that you prefer not to talk to, so you will turn away, not outright snub Me, but ignore Me by pretending you don't see Me standing here.

If God doesn't do what you want, you won't love Him, for you think David's death means that I don't love you. You won't love Me if I don't love you. You will abandon Me if I abandoned you. You will turn your back on Me if I turned My back on you. You think I did a terrible thing to you, and you are so angry you don't even know what to say to Me.

Sandra, dear Sandra, your distrust of Me right now is not connected to your love for David although it does seem to be in proportion. Your distrust of Me right now does not show how much you loved David and all he meant to you. It does show how much you don't want to let him go.

Now I say something important to you with great love, Sandra: letting David go is not letting your love for him go.

Accept that the body of the one you loved so much can leave your physical presence, and it's all right. Accept that his body's death is nothing personal to you, and you're all right. Accept that David's death is not wrong, and that I did not wrong you, dear Sandra.

Your feeble ignoring Me has to do with your holding on. It has to do with your stubbornness. It has to do with your thinking that non-surrender makes you strong, and surrender makes you weak. Surrender isn't capitulation, Sandra. Surrender is letting go of control. Letting go of control you don't have in the first place. Obviously. Surrender is letting go of illusion.

You want to be a realist, Sandra, but you hold on to the grand illusion that you commandeer life. It will be a great relief to you when you let that illusion go.

I like that you are attending to yourself. Read and eat, Sandra. Very good. I don't want you to deny yourself anything. Yes, grieve. Yes, take care of the bills, but the MUST, the MUST has to do with returning to Me.

I most especially don't want you to deny yourself Me.

If you cannot return to Me in truth right now, then perhaps you can look at Me. Perhaps you can consider that I am not so bad, dear Sandra. Perhaps you can write a question directly to Me. Perhaps you can consider the possibility that I do love you and that happiness waits for you. Perhaps you can consider the possibility that you will come out of the other side of your hurt and find yourself waiting there.

* * *

Karen to Kathy:

Kathy, in response to march 9th heavenletter, I really wanted to share the great smile that I got when you asked God all about physical pain in your back. All we have to do is ask God, and God will show us the simple way of letting go, so we can accept more of God inside of us. I love all of you. Let us all keep asking God every moment to learn what He has to show us.

Love, a faithful Heavenreader, Karen

Ruth to Heavenletters:

Dear Gloria, what a beautiful answer from God! I appreciate so much what Heavenletters is doing. It means so much to me. I wish you much love and joy.

All love, Ruth