The following question comes from a Heavenreader who has not written to us before. I have changed her name in respect for the serious nature of her question. If you would like to write to her, send your email to me and I will forward it to her. — Gloria

Leslie to Gloria:

Dear Gloria, I wish my question to be held in strictest confidence and not published. I fear that my question may upset some Heavenreaders who gain a lot of peace and solace from you. I have been dealing with a difficult illness for the past several years. My body is in excruciating pain most of the time. I am so weary of the pain, and my life has limited quality. I have suicidal thoughts most of the time. What I want to know is: Will God forgive me if I quit and put an end to my physical suffering?

Thank you. Blessings for your work.

God to Leslie:

My dear Leslie, even in pain, both physical and emotional, you are thinking of other people and how your present despair might affect them.

Airing your question about your very human thoughts will awaken love in all the Heavenreaders and give them the beautiful opportunity to lift your pain with their hearts and their prayers for you.

You do not need to ask for My forgiveness any more than you need to ask for My love. They are yours. Invincibly eternally yours.

I ask you to postpone a decision on this. As you know from reading Heavenletters, the holiday season dredges up old anguish and disappointments, and many people, for whatever reason they attribute it to, feel depressed at this time.

I know that you wish you didn't turn your mind to suicide because that thought carries its own agony for you.

By asking you to wait, I do not make light of your pain and your heartache.

At the same time, dear, better to turn your thoughts to Me. When you feel you have no choice, call My Name. I will hear you.

I will ask Gloria to send to you now a suggestion I give for enhancing the new year. Will you do this little thing for Me?

Send what you write to Me, in care of Heavenletters.

I will be in further touch with you. And know I am by your side. Lift your eyes up to Me, dear one. I wipe your tears away and bless you to this day.

Gloria to Heavenreaders:

I will ask God as soon as I can about what happens to the soul when it chooses to end the time of its life.

Margaret to God:

Dear God, thank You for Christmas Day's Heavenletter to me. It was wonderful, of course! And just the act of articulating my question to You was somewhat healing, but actually getting the answer — wow. I felt wonderful, complete, good enough, blessed, and serene, and it lasted all day, even through some very sticky situations.

My concern right now is with my own ability to respond honestly in the now. You spoke recently of compassionate honesty — that's what I'd like to practice! When a conversation or an incident takes place that upsets me, it takes me a long time to realize that I am upset, or to realize how I am upset. This disturbs me: it impairs my ability to communicate clearly and honestly, and it leaves me feeling victimized by situations that I might have altered simply and easily by merely expressing myself. But I hold back. I feel uncomfortable. I don't want to respond with blame or retaliation, so I seem to just block out all feeling until I get away from the person or situation to sort it out.

Then I go over the whole thing again and work it all out safely in my head and call or write to the person and say I felt such and such about what you said last week. It feels like a huge waste of energy to replay everything, and it feels dishonest to force heart issues through the sieve of reason. But it feels more dishonest to say nothing and let things fester, and I don't trust my spontaneous responses to be compassionate.

Much love, and thanks, dear God.

God to Margaret:

Dear Margaret, it is like procrastination in that you are left with more to do than if you had done it right away. There is a build-up, and you feel you have to go back, and that takes more energy than if you had done it in the first place.

Margaret, here is a great lesson for you: you do not always have to be perfect all the time. Your responses do not always have to be compassionate. Relieve yourself of that idea.

Spontaneity is freeing. What prevents it? Fear of being rude, or thought rude? Fear of getting in trouble? Fear of being mistaken? Doubt of your right to be annoyed? Following of politeness above all? Following what you have been taught? Allowing denial to take over? Fear of greater hurt? Fear that someone will snap at you? And so on. You know the list.

When you don't deal with something right now, or you block your recognition of it, you are controlling. Denial is control, dear Margaret, and control comes from fear. Fear comes from thinking. Fear comes from your belief that you are in some way threatened. You do not have to feel threatened in the first place. But if you are, be compassionate with yourself, Margaret.

You are My child.

If someone is thoughtless with you, compassion to them does not have to be your primary focus. Be gracious to yourself. That very compassionate graciousness to yourself may allow you the right to be forthright and spontaneous more easily more often.

When you are forthright, you heal another's heart. That is compassionate. Your reaction, no matter how hidden, is communicated. When you are forthright, the other person can discard whatever it was along with you.

For now, have some safe stock phrases ready, Margaret. "I'm not sure what you mean. Would you tell me again?" "I'm feeling uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on it." Say the person's name. "Joyce, I wonder if there is something about me right now bothering you?"

When you possibly can, laugh!

Margaret, you do not always have to be adorable.

You do not always have to be nice.

Nor do you always have to have a quick response.

If you have to call someone back and say you're feeling whatever you're feeling, that's all right too. You have My permission to feel whatever you feel, even if you are "mistaken".

You have My permission to correct your omission or to not correct it! You do not always have to be assertive anymore than you have to not be. There is nothing you have to be. Remove obligation.

Remove obligation, and you are free.

When you are free, you are spontaneous.

Now, here We get to the crux of the matter: When you know that no one can harm you, you will be compassionately honest. That is the distance you need, not the distance of time.

No one can touch you, dear Margaret.

They can touch your ego.

Let them have it.

They are helping you remove it.

They are helping you see your true worth.

No matter how rude or thoughtless someone may appear, their rudeness or thoughtlessness is helping you clear your way to Me.

What is in your way to Me?

Only ego.

And that is nothing.

A non-existent chip on your shoulder.

Flick it off.

When Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he meant for you to look at something in a different way.

Maybe the cheek you have exposed is ego.

What is the other cheek?

What is on the other side of ego?

I AM.

Turn your cheek then to Me.

This answer of Mine has already helped you, dear Margaret. You see and feel differently.

Welcome to My heart.

You are here, safe and sound.

No one can hurt you.

Welcome to My heart. Stay.