I hardly know how to comment on this stunning Heavenletter. Beginning somewhere, let's see what comes up.

The first thing I understand is that I have been trying to please I don't know whom or what whith rationalizations about why the unbearable is my cross to take up, why fulfillment is not for me, even why I have to do a work I don't like. Now it turns out it's not laudable at all, just self-betrayal.

Oh, the years you gave yourself away here and there for naught. Pay attention now to what you do and what you say and what you want and why you want. Do not diverge from your True Self. Realize your dreams. Make them happen. Serve Me in happiness, beloveds. There is no other way. Working your fingers to the bone does not serve Me. Crawling on your knees does not serve Me.

I always assumed that True Self must be something big and sacrosanct and transcendental. Now it turns out it includes my true natural preferences. Serving God in happiness? That's a novel idea. In fact, it's unheard of as far as I am concernd. Serving God mus be sacrifice and suffering or why would you call it serving?

…spiritual involvement is not meant to be an escape from your responsibility for everyday life. Because you think deeply, understand many connections, and have good intentions does not relieve you from responsibility. It is not okay to leave your relative life sloppy.

Sloppy! And not in terms of bed unmade but of dreams not lived in favor of more important things like "thinking deeply"!!

Relative life also matters and has its value. It has great value. It helps you to find out who you are. As obvious as this may sound, I never sriously considered it this way. I played the martyr game, God, would you believe it?

You ask: If you are not leading the life you wish to lead, what prevents you?

And this is Your answer: Something in you prevents you. Somewhere along the line, you conceded. Somewhere along the line, you cut off your heart, suggesting that it not bother you. You perhaps accepted a bowl of potage instead of your rightful inheritance. Somewhere in your mind, you said: “I will take less from life. I will consider a little as my share. I will put aside my dreams and my values. I will shuffle my feet.”

That is struggling for big universal truth as a means to get rid of ... your own heart? Dear God, could You not have thought of some way to get this across a couple of decades ago?

You are not to settle. Quietly go about your business. Go about Mine. Keep your integrity. Keep your Selfhood. Stay with yourself. Do not abandon yourself. Have regard for yourself. Be your own friend. Oh, the years…

Oh, the years. Strange, it seems to be the first time ever that I think that way, think in terms of lost years. Lost to some subterfuge. If You want me back, God, it would be a good idea to go on guiding me back to my simple personal truth, the one I sold out for truths deemed more important or worthy.

If you truly want to serve Me, serve Me with your heart and your life. Make your life in the world an offering to Me.

Beloved Father, my only wish is to serve you with my heart and life, to melt into you to be born anew.
Love you.
B.