Annette to God:

Dear God, thank You for Your reply to my question about my family. I am still troubled with reflections I'm getting from them and others.

God, I feel betrayed when my husband did not help me with something that I thought was in his realm to help me with. I feel betrayed when he does not honor my feelings.

Recently I felt he shamed me by accusing me of being immature and having a temper tantrum. I was so angry, it was hard for me to calm down until I opened to Your healing the best I could. I saw that You were healing us all. I am very grateful, dear God.

God, my husband and I love each other very much, but we trigger each other. Whenever I do try to explain how I feel, it seems to me he either tries to run away or acts terribly bored. Even if I do succeed in getting him to listen to me for a few minutes, he shames me by making me feel I have no right to feel the way I do, that I see everything wrong, and so forth. Then, after a long time of feeling forced to swallow my true feelings again and again, they eventually explode, and then I am shamed for being childish, immature, having a temper tantrum, etc.

I know I'm not perfect, but I'm tired of this rejection. He often discounts my feelings, just as my family always has and still does. In fact, brother M. did the same this afternoon over the telephone. I don't think I treat them that way.

God, I am trying to get real and not deny my feelings anymore, but I must have a lot of self-hatred and lack of self-acceptance still unconscious in me, or I wouldn't be getting all this rejection. What to do?

God to Annette:

Dear My beloved daughter, Annette. First of all, let Me assure you that I wish you to be comfortable on earth. I wish you to have everything the way you want, and I wish you to feel your husband's love and not your disappointment.

You are very kind and understanding with Me, Annette. When I do not give you something you want, or give it to you soon enough, you are still, nevertheless, loving with Me, and you don't get hurt and upset. You accept what I give, and you don't feel perturbed with Me. Is that correct?

If you can be that with Me, your God Who has all the power and the glory and knows exactly what He is doing, can you not show that same mercy for your husband who is, after all, only a mortal human being, trying to juggle what's right in the world as much as you are? And can you have more of that mercy for yourself as well, dear Annette?

Because you are his wife, you especially want him to consider your needs. For those very reasons, it is extra hard for your husband to be most considerate of you in situations that concern other people. It was a difficult situation you put him in. If you were not his wife, it would have been easier for him.

Perhaps he felt shamed by you, My Annette.

I suggest that you and your husband sometime take a walk holding hands, and let one talk after the other without interruption. The other just listen until the other is finished talking. Take turns doing that when you are feeling good and not so sensitive. That way you can just talk things over, like two people who are trying to understand what it is to walk in the other's shoes, and not two people on the spot.

Or walk silently. That too will also accomplish. Yes, do a silent walk.

It is a challenge for My children to live and work together. There are always constraints and differences of opinions, differences of perception, philosophy, and desire.

One thing that happens, dear Annette, is that you rely on your husband to be Me. He cannot be the solver of everything. He cannot always be a Wise Giver or Understander. He cannot always be a Dispenser of what you want. He cannot be your loving father as I am your loving Father.

Consider yourselves engaged rather than married.

Consider yourselves as two guests living together in one house.

Consider yourselves as two fledgling hearts wanting to connect.

And I am glad you recognized My healing.

Now I am going to say something that no one is going to like to hear. No one. But here it is:

When you — My children — feel angry, upset etc., it is because you are not getting the control you believe you need, are entitled to, are owed, should have, must have, can't get along without… There it is in a nutshell.

Annette, do you feel that your husband does not love you, and therefore you look for proof of his love for you?

I assure you that your husband does indeed love you.

But he cannot love you as I love you, Annette.

As for feeling underestimated by your brother, just shrug your shoulders. What your brother does or says really has nothing to do with you.

Look more for reflection of your love from others rather than rejection and not need the love from them so much.

As for the stirring of old emotional stuff, see it for the insignificance it is. It is last week's newspaper thrown out. It is last night's leftover soup. Is it so important?

Learn to say, "So what!" That is My lesson for you today, dear Annette. Today, when you feel sensitive or put down, mentally say, "So what!"

Say, "So what?" at least five times today. And then perhaps you will even find yourself smiling.

* * *

Caroline to Heavenletters:

God's answer to me yesterday is SO wonderful. God gave so much to think about, as usual. It's funny — He even answered a few things that I had taken out of my letter! We will read and re-read this! I know I will see more each time I read it.

Thank you!

Caroline to God:

Dear God, thank You so much for giving my husband and me Your projects to work on, and for all Your guidance. We'll just start swimming, as you suggest!

I love You!

Diane to Caroline and God:

Dear Caroline, thank you for your wonderful question.

Dear God, Thank You for Your wonderful answer.