Gloria:

Dear God, I believe you have said that guilt comes from ego. When I let myself think, I am consumed with guilt concerning Ginger, the things I didn't do at the end, the things I could have done differently at the end, and could have done all the time she was with us.

I didn't get a sample of Ginger's urine before I fed her for the last time. I tried but missed. She might have needed less insulin, and I could have given her too much. If I had given her less, maybe she would still be alive.

I stayed up with her until 3 or 3:30 in the morning, and she wanted to be close to me. I didn't want to disturb her so I didn't take her with me when I went upstairs to bed. When I came down she was gone. I could have been with her, and I wasn't. I could have gone next door and woken up my daughter, so Ginger wouldn't have been alone. I didn't even think of it.

I tell myself I didn't know Ginger was going to die, but when I woke up at 5:30, I rushed down to see if she was all right. I must have had some idea.

So she died alone.

When my father was rushed to the hospital, I was the only family with him. I felt I had to call my sister to tell her he was in the hospital. I said, "Daddy, I'm going to call Eleanor." He said, "Don't go." I said, "I'll be right back." And I left him.

And there was no right back. He was gone when I got off the phone.

My priorities are off. I avoid death.

God:

Gloria, a Human dies alone (with Me) regardless, so again, your remorse at not being there is concern about yourself. Your physicalness was not with your father nor Ginger, but what is that, the physical? You were with your father, and you were with Ginger.

Remember the love.

Guilt is drama. Guilt is a replay. An unnecessary unuseful replay.

Replay Ginger's beauty. Replay your love for her.

What if I were to tell you you did everything right?

What if I told you that the way everything plays itself out in life is all right, even if it doesn't meet your standards?

What if I told you it doesn't matter?

I do tell you it doesn't matter.

Guilt is living in the past.

It says that the past holds you in its thrall.

The past is a spit in the ocean, Gloria.

Right now, this moment, is the ocean.

You cannot live life to avoid guilt.

You can only live it as you do at any moment.

We have talked about control before.

You are trying to control the past.

You are trying to control it to the point that you want to make it present.

I give you this moment, not the past.

Offer the past to Me. I know what to do with it.

Go forward as My child.

You are guilty of being human.

That is the sin you see.

I tell you to love yourself.

You know how little you would dwell on someone else's remorse at not physically being with a loved one at the body's death. Would you whip them? Would you castigate them? Would you flaunt it at them? Would you never let them forget it?

Do not inflict pain on yourself.

Take off the past.

Now I will tell you what to remember of the past with Ginger.

You gave her a beautiful life. You took her from the ashes. You and your daughter took her from abuse and neglect into your hearts, and you introduced her to happiness. This is what you must think of because this is truth. You accepted Ginger's love, and you gave her yours. Her life was a triumph over the past. So must yours be.

Gloria:

Thank You, dear God.

I wonder, do we love more when there are special needs? It seems my love greater for Ginger was greater because she needed more. Because she needed greater love and gentleness, I gave more, and I think that then makes my sense of loss greater as well. Does her loss seem more of a wrench than if she had had an easy life to begin with?

God:

Ginger gave you an opportunity to tap your love and to see it. Your love was tied up in Ginger. Now your love is untied. Your love isn't lost. It is unfocused. And who said it has to be focused. Pure love is. Let your love effuse into the universe. It is My love anyway.

* * *

Jona to Nancy L.:

Dear Nancy, I wanted to thank you for the subscription to Heavenletters. I am really enjoying them. Also, my paper is DONE! I'm so glad that's over with. and the answer I got from God really did help. I just needed a little time to think about what He had said, and then I could use it to help my paper. So anyway, thanks so much. Bye, Jona, 15

God to Jona:

Glad I was of help, dear Jona.

Nancy L. to Jona:

Dear Jona, it is great to have you with us. Keep asking questions. We all get a great deal out of God's answers.

Abby to Gloria:

Sure, you can give Jona my e-mail address. I'd love to hear from her and get to know her. I'm not too terribly busy.

Mom is doing well, thanks.

Lately I've just been content to read everyone else's Heaven letters rather than write any questions of my own. I guess I just can't think of anything I want to ask right now, and that's just fine. It's spring here in New York City, and the weather has been so beautiful!

Take care! Love, Abby, 19

Nancy O. to Heavenletters:

I ended up settling with Steve the morning of the court date and paying him a substantial sum of money. While he did not deserve that, it is over and I am free to move on. The stress and time of more court appearances and financial probes has ended. It was worth it to me for this peace of mind.

After three years of this, our divorce will be finalized in a couple of weeks. I will pay him in two lump sums, now and next Jan. It is alimony so it is tax deductible, so that is a help.

I thank all of you for your attention, kindness, prayers, concerns and support during this ugly period of my life. I am so thankful. My life is blessed by love, and I will always remember the part you played in helping me remember that.

With much love and gratitude.