Regina's Spiritual Journey
Hello Friends,
I won't share the full story with you. It begins when I was 12 and is quite long. Let's start when I was 43, April 2004. I had read the Course before, about 9 years earlier, but didn't really understand much. I had two mystical experiences then, and I met my inner guide (symbolized as an angel named Angela), but I didn't understand forgiveness. I drifted from it when I adopted and got promoted at work, so things got very busy.
I'm not sure why, but April of 2004 I felt a urge to pick the Course up again. We were going on a Disney Cruise vacation, and I promised myself I would start reading the Text and doing the Workbook lessons on the cruise.
During my opening prayers prior to study on the first day of the trip, I found myself overcome with a desire to be helpful/useful. I told God that I would learn whatever he wanted me to learn and do whatever he wanted me to do. This deep desire seemed to come out of nowhere, and it has propelled me ever since.
About 2 months later, I started having visions and HS-guided nighttime dreams. I was educated on the Course through these visions and dreams. It was an amazing process. Then, in November 2004, I had the following vision
I saw myself in a dark cavern. There were several dark passageways leading out of the cavern, and there were people in the cavern who wanted to find their way out. I stood at the bottom of the cavern near the entrances to the passageways. I held an armful of lit candles. As people passed by me, I handed them a candle. They used the candle to guide them as they selected a passageway and started their journey out of the cavern.
I wanted to know what this image meant. I went to the computer and prayed. I asked the Holy Spirit to please be direct with me so that the message would be clear and I would have no doubts. And then I started typing. I typed without thinking, & I typed out a message from the Holy Spirit asking me to write for Him. The message said that this is how I would learn.
I started writing the next day. At first, I heard the Voice and wrote every few weeks or so, but it gradually increased to daily. I post all of the writings on The_Peace_of_God, and eventually David Fishman approached me and asked me to teach on PalTalk. I also received a calling to offer myself as the caretaker of the Foundation for the Awakening Mind. And, most recently I received a calling to read the New Testament and let the Holy Spirit interpret it through me.
So, things have been moving along quickly. My life has changed both within the mind and in form. It's just amazing. I am completely filled with gratitude.
Ha ha. And that's the short version!
With Love to All,
Regina
THE LONG VERSION, REGINA!
Dear Regina,
The long version is well worthing posting and reading! It tells where you began! It tells much more about YOU. I vote for the long version!
Hi Regina!
I'm new here too. :D
I read your bio, and really enjoyed learning about you! The_Peace_of_God sounds very interesting. I'd love to see what you wrote?
I'm going to look and see if you posted anywhere else, to see what else you have to share?
Hope to see you again?
Love,
Heather
Hello Heather
Hi Heather,
Most of what I have written is on reginadawnakers.com. This is a website donated by a web designer in Colorado in order to archive the writings that I do with the Holy Spirit. Please have a look around, and then contact me if you'd like to. My email address is reginadawnakers [at] yahoo [dot] com. I am always happy to meet everyone.
With Love,
Regina
Thankyou Regina
Dear Regina,
I agree with Gloria: I'd like to see the long version of your story. I went to your website and found just what I needed in this moment. I've been feeling that words are useless, but the Holy Spirit's message on words gave comfort to me. It's wonderful to know that just by accepting the meaning, without giving importance to the symbols, we have already passed on the gift.
Thankyou for coming to this forum.
Paula
The long version of my story, part 1
Hello Friends,
All right. If I am receiving requests to post the longer version of the story of my spiritual path, then it must be time to share that story. So, here it is. If anyone feels guided to contact me after reading this story, please feel free to email me at reginadawnakers [at] yahoo [dot] com.
The Story
My personal history seems to have always led up to the experiences I am having now. I first remember desiring spirituality when I was about ten or eleven years old. We lived in Pittsburg, Kansas. My family wasn’t really a “church-going” family, so I chose to walk to church on my own. I started attending a small, white Baptist church because it was within walking distance to my house. If I recall correctly, I went with some regularity and I was baptized there.
I also remember around that same age that I liked to pretend that I was the daughter of God. I wanted to be like Jesus, who I had been taught was the one Son of God. I’m sure that I pretended this because I wanted to be “special,” but I also had a sincere desire to be close to God like Jesus seemed to be.
Now, here I am 34 years later realizing that I am the child of God just as Jesus was, and the closeness I desired with God is my natural inheritance. This is a blessing beyond words!
You who may read my journal may recognize thoughts I’ve had that you have also had. That’s because our Father’s calling is in all of us. There is no difference in who we are; only a difference in when we seem to hear and answer the call.
“My father is calling me.”
I found a temporary sense of closeness to God at the little white church near my house in Pittsburg, Kansas. I felt moved during the musical plea that the minister made for people to come to the front and be saved. I was saved and baptized once, but the feeling of closeness faded. Then, once again it seemed to come back during a musical plea to come to the front and be saved, so although I was already a member of the church, I went to the front again. The minister talked to me after the service. He wasn’t happy that I felt I needed to be saved and baptized again, but he acquiesced. When the feeling of closeness again wore off, I knew I couldn’t approach him to be saved and baptized a third time, so eventually I stopped attending the little church on the corner.
I believe that truth can be found in any religion. I probably didn’t find it as a Baptist because I was a child who needed adult spiritual guidance. No one saw that need in me and stepped forward to provide it. I also began to question the teachings of this church. One of the last services I remember attending was when I was probably twelve years old. The minister preached a sermon in which he said that it is a sin for young people to dance. I couldn’t understand how he could have reached such a conclusion, and I stopped searching for my closeness to God in his little church.
My parents divorced while I was eleven, and early in the summer of my twelfth year of life, my father remarried. The woman he married was a Catholic at the time of the marriage, but very soon after that she began studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses. That summer, I moved to Kansas City to live with them and by the time I was thirteen, I was also studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses.
This religion was a very interesting stop along my spiritual journey. I received the cornerstone of my spiritual foundation from Jehovah’s Witnesses, although not in the manner in which they intended.
First of all, there was plenty of adult guidance as I studied with the Witnesses, and any question I asked was fully answered from the perspective of their doctrine. By the time I was fifteen, I had completed their eighty questions, which was required to show a full understanding of “the truth” prior to baptism, and I was baptized for the third time in my life.
The biggest influence Jehovah’s Witnesses had on me during my spiritual growth was regarding the concept of hell. The Baptist preacher I had learned from previously preached the concept of eternal damnation for those who were not saved or “born again.” The Witnesses taught that God is Love and would not inflict eternal punishment on anyone for any sin. This made sense to me.
Another thought that I learned while I studied with Jehovah’s Witnesses was that there was a way to tell Christ’s congregation from false ones. Jesus said you would know his followers by their love; they would love one another. And, I was impressed by the love that Jehovah’s Witnesses demonstrated for one another. It was most clearly evident at their large multi-congregation assemblies where thousands of Witnesses would join together. They always treated each other with such enormous respect at these gatherings. It was truly impressive!
However, as my spiritual development continued, I began to question the Witnesses’ doctrine based on these same two spiritual truths. Although the Witnesses demonstrated a lot of love within the congregation, they segregated themselves from “Christendom” and “worldly people.” They very much believed that “bad associations spoil useful habits,” and anyone who was not one of Jehovah’s Witnesses was considered a bad association. This placed limits on their love, and I began to realize that Jesus statement that you would recognize his followers by their love was an inclusive rather than exclusive statement of love.
Also, although believing that there isn’t a place where God sends sinners for eternal damnation was a step forward from believing in a fiery hell, I began to look at the Witnesses’ doctrine through the filter of “God is love” and found it did not stand up to the test. The Witnesses believed that every person must believe “the truth” as they saw it in order to survive an extremely violent Armageddon and progress to eternal life on a paradise earth. My dad did not support the Witnesses’ doctrine, but when I looked at him I saw the kindest most honest man I’d ever met. It didn’t make sense that a God of love would violently punish him and put him to death just because he didn’t believe a specific doctrine.
Before my sixteenth birthday, the two greatest truths that I learned from the Witnesses led me to disassociate myself from their religion, but the truths stayed with me. I now had a set of criteria that I knew I could judge any spiritual doctrine or philosophy by in order to determine if it was the truth.
1. It would stand up to the test that “God is love.”
2. Its followers would be characterized by their love.
Inherent in these two criteria is that fact that I still believed there was a spiritual truth. I also still believed that the Bible was the source of truth and that the true religion would be a Christian religion that had the right interpretation of the Bible. I believed the right interpretation of the Bible would also stand up to a third criterion.
3. The truth would be consistent and would not contradict itself.
I was about 28 years old when I commenced my search for the truth. By this time, I had traveled the world and completed college, so I had a good understanding of other cultures, and I had strong research skills. It was the latter skill that I relied on most heavily as I proceeded on my search for truth.
The resources that I used for this phase of the search included a book about the religions of America (primarily Christian) and several translations of the Bible including the New World Translation (published by Jehovah’s Witnesses), the King James Version, the Good News Bible and the NIV Study Bible. I also used a few Bible reference books published by different sources that enabled me to look up and find scriptures. Armed with all of these books, I began my search for the true religion.
I don’t remember how long I stayed with this search, but it was not a little effort. I referenced and cross-referenced diligently, all the while certain that the truth would reveal itself to me. However, each hopeful path that I followed led to a dead end. Either, I easily found something in the Bible that a particular religion simply ignored, or I found a belief that was held by the religion that had no foundation at all in the Bible or I found that a particular belief was supported by some scriptures in the Bible but seemed contracted by others. In order to believe in that particular doctrine, the religion had to take broad liberties of interpretation.
I exhausted myself in my search, until I finally reached the point of sincere prayer. Desperate to find the truth, I asked God to show it to me. I promised that it didn’t matter where it came from or what it was, if He would show me the truth I would follow it.
And as I continued my research for truth, each religion studied continued to end in unsupported or contradictory dead ends. I finally gave up my search.
I came to realize that my prayer was being answered. I had asked to find the truth, and the first part of an answer was provided. It didn’t matter how long I conducted my research, I would not find complete and unembellished truth in any religion or even in the Bible itself.
“The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is within you.” – Luke 17 20, 21.
To be continued in a separate post
The long version of my story, part 2
A short time after my biblical research concluded, I met Ron, and I didn’t think about things spiritual until our tumultuous relationship led me to realize that I needed help. I was probably about 33 or 34 years old when I once again began to focus on my spiritual path. I don’t recall the exact order of events during my this stage of my spiritual growth, but I don’t think the chronological order is important since the result of those events seem to have concluded in one whole experience. So, I shall relay the events in the order that seems to make the most sense to me now.
I started attending the Unitarian Universalist church in Harvard, Massachusetts. I think I picked this church for a few reasons
1.I craved spiritual contact, so I went back to the place I had learned to go for spiritual contact, a congregation of people.
2.Because of my earlier research, I was disillusioned by organized religious dogma, and the Unitarian Universalist church offered freedom of spiritual thinking.
3.There were specific things I desired, which I thought would make me happy, including marriage, family and a nice home in a country location. The people of Harvard seemed to have these things, and I wanted to be near them.
4.I was attracted to the physical location and appearance of this little white church in the cozy, common of the quaint New England town of Harvard.
Although I attended services with some regularity, I found it difficult to make friends with the members of the congregation. I was shy and hoped to be approached, but they seemed to be comfortable in their known groups of relations and did not go out of their way to approach or be friendly with me. Also, I don’t recall the sermons as providing the spiritual food that I sought.
Possibly in an effort to get “in” with the people of this congregation, I joined a study group. They were studying “the historical Jesus” using a guide developed by a cross-religious group of leading Biblical scholars.
I had always been taught that the Bible was inspired by God and had to be taken as a whole and complete work. Through this study group, I learned a different perspective. I learned that the New Testament was written many years after Jesus’ life and most likely contained derivative works, which included author interpretations that did not necessarily communicate Jesus’ words or perspective as he had intended. The authors of the New Testament had probably consciously or unconsciously colored Jesus message with their own perspectives and agendas. I also learned that there were other “gospels,” such as the Gospel of Thomas, which were probably just as authentic (which means authentic in part but not in total) that were not included in the New Testament.
I felt freed by this knowledge! No longer did I feel that I had to take the Bible in whole or not at all. It was possible to read the Bible while realizing that some of the words accredited to Jesus were authentic and others weren’t. I instantly arrived at the conclusion that I could trust the messages of love in the Bible and in good conscience dismiss the messages of wrath.
With this realization, I was ready to proceed on my spiritual path, and I no longer felt the need to attend a church or congregation. I had discovered the message I needed within this congregation of seekers. God is Love, and Jesus’ purpose on earth was to share that message with us!
At this time in my life, I was a faithful viewer of the Oprah Winfrey show, and so it was on Oprah Winfrey that I discovered Marianne Williamson and her book, A Return to Love. I recognized a whisper of truth in Marianne’s book, and I believe I read it twice and moved from Boxboro, MA to a townhouse in Leominster, MA before deciding to move from this derivative work to its source, A Course in Miracles.
I did not find A Course in Miracles easy to read. Typically, I got nothing out of any particular section when I read it for the first time. On reading a section for the second time, I would arrive at some understanding of its message, but I cannot say that this book "sang" to me. Yet, it did ring true.
I also tried practicing the lessons within the workbook, but I thought many of the lessons were odd, and I thought Jesus was unfair in his expectation that I practice the lessons at regular intervals throughout the day. Didn’t he understand that I had a life to live?
However, three critical steps on my spiritual path occurred during this time.
First, I had my first spiritual experience. It came during a time when I was trying to understand the Course’s message regarding the crucifixion. Like all Christians, I had been taught that the crucifixion was God’s will and a critical part of his plan for our salvation. Without the sacrifice of his Son, we could not gain eternal life. But, the Course presented a different perspective of this event. The Course says
“A further point must be perfectly clear before any residual fear still associated with miracles can disappear. The crucifixion did not establish the Atonement; the resurrection did. Many sincere Christians have misunderstood this. No one who is free of the belief in scarcity could possibly make this mistake. If the crucifixion is seen from an upside-down point of view, it does appear as if God permitted and even encouraged one of His Sons to suffer because he was good. This particularly unfortunate interpretation, which arose out of projection, has led many people to be bitterly afraid of God. Such anti-religious concepts enter into many religions. Yet the real Christian should pause and ask, 'How could this be?' Is it likely that God Himself would be capable of the kind of thinking which His Own words have clearly stated is unworthy of His Son?”
This confused me immensely. I could not understand the point the Course was trying to make, until I woke up one morning in a meditative state and the understanding was presented directly to me God is Love, perfect Love. Perfect Love could never ask for, plan for or require sacrifice, especially of his beloved Son. Sacrifice is not a part of Love, nor has it ever been a part of Love’s plan.
Suddenly I understood what I had not understood before, and it became obvious, beyond confusion. I would never again believe that the crucifixion was a part of God’s plan for our salvation. Our salvation is a part from that misunderstanding. Our salvation is in the other direction. And so, I turned my mind and began to look in another way.
Secondly, I began to understand that we are not separate from each other or from God. This is very important, because this understanding is our salvation. I read about our oneness many times in Marianne’s book and in A Course in Miracles, but the understanding came while I was walking into work one day. I saw a graphic image of our One Mind in my mind’s eye. It was a bright, bright light, only the light seemed to be covered with millions or billions of black polkadots. Most of the dots seemed solid black, but a some of the dots scattered within this mind of light seemed to be fading into the light itself!
The black dots in this graphic represent us as we see ourselves as individuals. We seem separate from each other and from the Light that is God. But the Light is everywhere, and as we allow the Light to shine away the darkness in our “individual” minds, we fade inot the Light itself. As the black dots dim and disappear, one by one, it is realized that all that is left is the Light.
The third step that occurred in my spiritual path during this time is that I discovered Peace Pilgrim. I had decided to attend a community education course on A Course in Miracles. I didn’t advance much in my understanding of the Course through that experience, but the class facilitator gave each of us a copy of Peace Pilgrim Her Life and Work in Her Own Words.
I saw the same truth in Peace Pilgrim as I had found in the Course, but Peace Pilgrim was much easier for me to understand and grasp. So, I put the Course aside and began to focus on studying the life of Peace Pilgrim. It was this study that led me to feel confident that I had a higher-self or inner guide that would lead me to God. This freed me even further from having to believe anything that I read or was told if my own intuitive nature indicated differently. It also led me to believe in the importance of meditation, which up until this point had never been a part of my search for truth.
Through Peace Pilgrim, I began to develop faith that anyone can achieve enlightenment and we all have an internal guide. This led me to want to meditate. I wanted to learn directly from my internal guide.
I started by taking a meditation class in West Concord, MA. The couple that led the class seemed very peaceful. As I remember it, I was the only student, but I don’t think it started out that way. I think there may have been a few others in the beginning, but they dropped out before the course ended. So, there were several sessions in which it was just me and the teachers. This made it easy for me to relax and focus on the guided meditations.
My teachers tried teaching me several different methods of meditation so that I could find the one that worked best for me. I never felt successful with the O-m-m-m-m-m types of meditation or the types of meditation where you focus on your breath or the light of a candle. My mind seemed to wander too easily. I learned that visualization worked best for me. I liked to focus on something that was active. I also learned that I meditated best with music, and I found a classical tape that I stared using regularly.
I began to meditate in my bedroom in the early mornings, before getting ready for work. I created this place in my mind, and started going there with regularity. It was in the mountains. I would begin every meditation by hiking up the mountain. It was a strenuous path, and I’d imagine the muscles in my legs working as I hiked. Then, I would arrive at a beautiful, lush forest near the top of the mountain. A small rocky stream ran through the forest. A small wooden bridge crossed the stream. Just beyond the stream was a clearing filled with tall soft grass and beautiful wild flowers of all different colors. High rocky hills jetted up on the left and right of this clearing, creating two peaks on this mountain. To the front, the clearing itself continued until it came to an abrupt end at the edge of a cliff. From there, one could see miles upon miles of snowy mountain peaks. Within the clearing, there was a one bedroom cabin near a small pond.
This is where I met Angela, my internal guide. I seem to remember that I knew she was a representation of Jesus, but I always saw her as female and called her Angela. Angela began to meet me in this place every morning, and she used the symbols within my mountain location to teach me things about myself and God. Every part of that image represented something important to me. I wish I had written down those meditations immediately after experiencing them, because I’ve forgotten most of them over the years, but I still remember a few things.
For example, one day Angela had me wade into the pond that was next to the cabin. The bottom was very muddy, and I felt the mud squish between my toes. I didn’t like that feeling, and I made a face. But, Angela showed me that I didn’t have to not like the mud at the bottom of the pond. If I chose to think about the mud in a different way, I could enjoy the feeling of the mud between my toes. So, I tried doing as she suggested, and indeed I did find that I liked the cool mud between my toes. Angela told me that the pond represented myself, and I needed to learn to accept myself, including what I thought I liked and what I thought I didn’t.
I also remember that Angela taught me that the tall rocky hills on each side of the valley represented the strength of God, and that God’s strength was always with me, protecting me. And, one day Angela showed me that a small two year old girl lived in the cabin by the pond. I saw her running and giggling among the wild flowers in the tall grass. Angela told me that her name was Patience, and I needed her. (ha ha)
I don’t remember anything else about those meditations.
One day, I quit meditating in the mornings. I don’t remember why, but it was soon after that I adopted Jasmine. Maybe I just became distracted. Jasmine certainly offered me the opportunity to be busy, and she also offered me a sense of fulfillment. I was so happy with her. I knew happiness that I hadn’t known before. Of course, it wasn’t the happiness of God, so it was happiness sprinkled with stressful times. But for me, it was good enough, and I didn’t think about spirituality again for about six or seven years.
Then, I became involved in a stormy relationship with a subordinate at work. I saw myself as an innocent victim in this relationship. I tried everything that I thought was right in order to improve this relationship, but nothing worked. It kept getting worse. That’s when I remembered A Course in Miracles. It waited for me in a drawer next to my bed. (I don't recall there being a direct relationship between the stormy relationship and my reasons for reaching for the Course again, but as I began reading the Course again, this relationship seemed to present the opportunity to practice what I learned.)
That was April of 2004. I started studying the workbook lessons on a Disney Cruise vacation. One morning while Jasmine lay in our cabin bed sleeping, I prayed to God and offered my life to him. I did it without any reservations. I knew I wanted to give my whole self in a life of service for Him. My time had come.
Now, I follow the path of my “spiritual growing up” led by my internal guide. How cool is that?
I began having "visions" about two months after beginning to study the Course again. I also had some dreams that seemed to educate, including the semi-famous "Brad Pitt Dream" in which I learned about our separation from God. Then in November, I had the dream that was my calling, followed by my first experience of writing with the Holy Spirit. Now, I write with the Spirit daily. Interestingly, one of our primary "works" is about the Bible.
You see, on June 18 of 2005, the Holy Spirit asked me to read the Bible again. The Holy Spirit asked me to realize that it is only a symbol and that I don't understand the symbol. The Holy Spirit said that if I would do this, It would explain the symbol to me. And, that is what we are doing now.
Most of my conversations are posted at www.reginadawnakers.com. You will find a link to audio files including "All About the Dream" in which I teach about the Brad Pitt dream. You will find links to the books of the New Testament, which include the Holy Spirit's interpretation of those writings. (This is still a work in progress.) You will find links to questions I asked regarding A Course in Miracles, and the clear answers the Holy Spirit gave me. You'll find links to Everyday Questions that I asked, and the Holy Spirit's answers to those questions. Please check out the webstie whenever you feel that you want to, if that should be your feeling. And, if you ever feel guided to write to me, please do so at reginadawnakers [at] yahoo [dot] com.
By the way, I am also now the caretaker of David Hoffmeister's Foundation for the Awakening Mind. That website is www.awakening-mind.org. There are lots of useful resources to awakening available for free via that website.
If you made it to the end of this story, I hope you found it helpful. wink
With Love,
Regina
[HeavenLetters Board Our Personal Spiritual Journeys-Bio's]
Hi Regina,
I found the message where I knew it would be, and yes, your web site was there, i even already was there and bookmarked it in Favorites.
LPL,
Joe
At 06:09 AM 1/15/2006, you wrote:
Quote:
[HeavenLetters Board Our Personal Spiritual Journeys-Bio's]
Dear Regina,
Sorry to pester you like this, but sister I am feeling a link with you, you are the teacher I've been seeking. Internet Explorer is on your site now and I am going to go there to see/hear what you've got for me today. I called the Library for the Blind and they have Peace Pilgrim and I am looking forward to getting it. I also asked about the other book you suggested, sorry can't recall the name now, I hope that it is also available. A year ago or so I bought A Course in Miracles, but after reading a few pages stuck it away. I'll have to see if I can locate it again, sounds like you are telling me that it's a good book to study. Since you lived in CT I am wondering if you know of someone in the Stamford area who I might talk to? I've got this burning desire to find fulfillment in my seeking.
LPL,
Joe
At 06:09 AM 1/15/2006, you wrote:
Quote:
Hi Joe
Hi Joe,
We live in North Carolina now. I don't know of anyone in CT right off hand. You are not pestering me (wink); you are free to email whenever you want at reginadawnakers [at] yahoo [dot] com.
Blessings,
Regina