Gloria:

Dear God, about marriages again. Although I don't presume to know what someone else should or shouldn't do, there are some marriages where it seems to be that staying together is hurtful to one or both, where one or the other or both seem to get pulled down, or they really can't stand one another.

I know that the idea for a long time has been that it is better to stay together. I know that divorce and separation and the aftermath have their own great pain. Sometimes neither staying nor leaving seems like a good idea.

My former husband visited my daughter again, and maybe this is why this issue comes up for me now. I do not put the burden of the unhappiness of my marriage on my former husband. I was selfish and immature, and I really don't believe I could have been happy or made someone else happy in a marriage, or for very long. I didn't know what I was doing when I got married, and I also didn't know what I was doing when I got divorced.

I also can't imagine my life or myself or my relationship with my daughter if I had stayed in the marriage.

God:

It is better to think that you did everything right. Even what you call mistakes. This is not a placebo I am handing you. This is truth. How do you know it was a mistake? The truth is that growth occurs from every situation, no matter how debilitating it may seem.

Life is going to give you growth no matter what. Even when you are stuck and seem to be stagnant, you are learning something from that. And after a while, you will burst forth from it.

It is better not to make so much of relationships as you do. You name a relationship Marriage, and then you try to make it Marriage instead of just letting it be two adjacent people living their lives bumping into each other.

Marriage is a fertile field for expectation and judgment.

It is worthwhile to stay in it long enough to make the intolerable tolerable if you can. Wonderful if you can increase the exchange of love and happiness.

There are the good things about walking through life with a loyal partner at your side.

There are also good things about going it without a loyal partner at your side.

Both are good.

Everything is a learning growing field.

Relative love can grow as well as fade. Bear that in mind. You have forgotten that.

There are stories with happy endings. Not all endings are sad.

Gloria:

Dear God, thank You.

It's so clear to me how Ginger was a form of Your love. She was that particular angle (angel) of your love. That's all I see of Ginger is her love, that sweet bouncy perpetual love. With other people, I can sort of see it sometimes. My former husband I can kind of look at now as a grouchy form of Your love, but Your love nevertheless. Sometimes a stranger on the street smiles at me, and I feel Your love. The people that annoy me, they too sometimes. In a novel they would be great characters, adorable in their idiosyncracies. If I could look at people as though they were in a book, life would be easier.

God:

And when you are in My being, you do. No investment. You can take them or leave them. You can turn the page and go on. What matters who is on which page? Perhaps you put the book down. Another day you pick it up. Or the doorbell rings. Someone smiles. Someone frowns. Someone sparks happiness. Someone sparks less than unhappiness. What does it have to do with you?

One passage in the book is more exciting than another. Or more predictable. Or disturbing. Or more beautiful or romantic. More of what you want or less of what you want.

Oh, that wanting. What control that is. Do you see how wanting what you want sets you up? Wanting something the way you want it is less than acceptance.

What if you started to read a book that you thought was a mystery. It had a title that you thought indicated mystery. Instead it turns out to be a different kind of book, a biography perhaps. You throw the book down because you decided you don't like biographies or weren't in the mood. Maybe it was a wonderful biography and you would have loved it, but you passed it by without a second look.

You can do that if you want. Nothing says you can't. And maybe you wouldn't like that biography at all, but you didn't find that out either. You had mandated something. And what did not fit in with your mandate was tossed aside.

What if you had a day where you wanted to come across as many disagreeable people as you could? Perhaps you could win a prize for finding the greatest number! And so you set out. If you had a low count, you would be frustrated. Oh, so few disagreeable people today. And on a day when you found many, you would have a good time with each one of them because you got what you wanted! The tricks your mind plays.

Disappointment comes from wanting something that doesn't come when you decide it should.

What if disappointment had a different meaning?

We are talking here about belief systems.

You believe something should be this way or that, and if it isn't, frustration sets in.

What if everything were allowed to be just what it is?

What if all that was supposed to be happening is? Would that be a relief? It is a relief to let go of control. Especially when it's not yours and you are guaranteed not to succeed. Even if you succeed, you only think you have, for life is a book you read.

Gloria:

Does that mean our whole lives are written? We don't have free choice?

God:

We can say that you choose the book you will read. And you can change your mind and choose another book to read. Choosing isn't controlling. You can take the road on the left, or you can take the road on the right and so on. That is your choice. But you do not control the road and what others do there. You have responsibility for yourself and you have choices along the road, but you do not control the road or its traffic or yourself. If you are controlling yourself, you are not living life but choking it.

Not controlling is freedom. Letting go is freedom. Choosing is freedom. Controlling is an impediment to the full blossoming of life. Free yourself. Unbind beliefs that hold you back from joy. Joy is yours for the taking. Choose joy.

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Abby to Heavenletters:

Dear Gloria, I really enjoyed your question in the May 5 Heavenletter regarding the woman who said that God had told her she was going to die because she had failed at something.

I get so much every day from everyone else's Heaven letters. This is such a beautiful exchange!