Gloria:

Kerry asks God a question today. I include some highlights from Kerry's Spiritual Journey so Heavenreaders can know the person who is asking the question.

Kerry:

After a childhood of organized religious dogma programmed into me, I rebelled and was angry for many years. God was always there, whispering. I, for the most part, ignored Him. The darkness was there for many years, especially when my beloved Son, Michael died in an accident on his 18th birthday (1987)…I walked, ran, crawled screaming full on into the grief I could not avoid.

I dreamed of Michael shortly after he died…He came to me all shiny and handsome from a desk in the back of Heaven's classroom…He smiled, hugged me, and said to me, "Mom, I am learning so much"…This one dream sustained me through many dark days, months and even years…

Through many therapy sessions, much despair and thoughts of not wanting to be on Earth anymore, God led me to write down beautiful words to sustain other broken people through "The Compassionate Friends" newsletter…

The last couple of years have led to a marked increase in Spiritual growth for me. I am walking straight up to God and being bathed in incredible light! My first grandchild taught me about forgiveness just by being born.

When I was pregnant with Michael, my husband, their father, abandoned us. On my daughter's fourteenth birthday, their father was murdered. His murder devastated us. Then, when my son died, I stuffed even more rage at the man I had adored since I was thirteen years old and married when I was eighteen. I did not ever consider forgiving him for the havoc he had wreaked upon us.

When my granddaughter was born, however, she looked at me with his eyes and I was transformed! This magical, beautiful little gift of a child left me no choice but to forgive. Forgive husband, forgive myself and surrender…Say yes to God and the Universe…

Looking back, I wish I might have struggled less to let God in. Ego and fear often made me feel all alone like a fish swimming upstream! If I had to change anything, it would be to have trusted God more and myself…Loved my Godself more instead of looking for Him from without or in a relationship with a man.

I am very drawn to more direct communication with God…I am reading Heaven letters after Tina told me about Heaven and Godwriting. It's only been two days and I feel like a child in a hot air balloon…yes!

I now have a question for God:

Kerry to God:

Dear God, why do "negative" thoughts come into my head when I least expect them? What is it I need to be doing to help this healing along?

And, God, I am involved in meditation with an organization called "Miracle of Love"…3 hours, twice weekly…I love the meditation practice, but I am overwhelmed with the enormity of this movement and its followers. I am balking at attending the intensive 9-day workshop…Is this just more fear? Trust?…HELP! They meditate for 9 straight days in a group…I'm scared.

Often, I feel as if I am being flooded (fooled?) with spiritual information and I want to just crawl in my own little cave of books and poetry and listen to Mozart…

Thank You, my loving God.

God:

I commend you on your headlong search for Me. I greet you with open arms. I am at peace to have you, dear Kerry.

Some negative thoughts are not your own. You pick them up in the environment. They become yours only if you dwell on them or berate yourself for having them.

A thought is called negative because it is not a thought you want. You don't want it because it has a vibration that is not comfortable for you, for your vibration is higher. You would not be reading My Heavenletters if this were not so. All Heavenreaders vibrate a higher frequency. I am a Flute Player Who pipes a note that echoes in you, and when you vibrate near My note, you have to come.

When a negative thought pops in, don't add to the negative by thinking something to the effect of, "What a negative thinker I am! What a disappointing person." Accept that negative thoughts come, and they go.

When a negative thought makes its appearance, ask Me to take it away. This accomplishes two things:

It gets you to think of Me. You cannot think of Me and hold negative. You cannot, Kerry.

Mention of My name also removes the thrall of negativity; I raise you to a higher level.

It is a negative thought to think: "I am having a negative thought." Think: "I would rather think of God."

Be impartial to unwanted thoughts. It is only a thought. You do not have to kill it. Maybe you can swear a little and laugh at it.

The true thinker of what you call negativity does not see his thought as negative. He sees it as virtuous and merited.

Rather than thinking negative or positive, think your thought and let it go.

My sweet seekers wish to be perfect. Have the intention, and then don't crowd yourself with grand expectations. Better to think an honest negative thought than a phony positive one.

You are a little like Julie, and Gloria, and all who want My succulent sweetness every moment.

Even those sweet beings of you who write My words are not volubly radiated to a state of incessant joy. Aim for it, and let be.

You are not thrown out of My arms because of a mosquito of a thought.

Avoid constructing yourself as part of negativity. You are not negativity. You are the pure goodness I made with My own hands.

Be glad you have thoughts. Be glad you love Me. Be glad you are Kerry. Just be glad.

As to your second question, the answer is: Follow your heart. Again, same as Julie.

Does it have to be negativity or lack to resist the nine-day retreat or the group itself? Maybe you just prefer not to go. Maybe you just prefer to be on your own.

You enjoy the practice. Enjoy it.

There is nothing you have to do, Kerry.

You are not good or bad for going or not going.

You mentioned that you wish you had trusted Me and yourself more. I say the same thing now.

Trust your feelings more.

When your heart really desires something, what can stop you?

Perhaps the group would hold you back. Perhaps you are ahead of the group as a whole. Perhaps you feel a kind of pressure from without. Or perhaps you will just want to go another time.

You want to make your own choices.

I value easy effortless meditation. I also value life lived the same way without strain.

Don't strain for Me. I will come. I will even come unbidden.

Whether you are on a retreat or in your room with your books and poetry and Mozart, you are with Me.

I bless you, Kerry, and you see I exert no pressure on you. I release My children from pressure by giving them freedom.

Spend time with Me, and follow your heart. That is the way of life.

Following your heart is surrender to Me. So, surrender. Surrender to My love. Surrender to joy. All is your choice, My beloved.

You sew a fine seam, Kerry. Bless yourself. You are worthy. You are in My heart. Be blessed to be Kerry, child of God. Love yourself.

Gloria:

Dear God, I came across a quotation from the Bhagavad-Gita on a sticker I had. The quotation kept going through my mind all day yesterday. Krishna is talking to Arjuna, and says: "Be only the instrument, O Arjuna."

I think that is what You are telling me when You say I am a switchboard, typist etc.

God:

Yes. You like the word instrument better, don't you? Perhaps I could call you My violin? My flute? My bassoon?

It is good to keep your feet on the ground. Possession of powers can make people think they do something and are something. Their heads and chests swell, and they become big with themselves.

I will see that you don't. I will see that your allegiance stays with Me.

The power and the glory are Mine, My dear one, and you merely employ them at My behest.

That is all anyone can do. I am the Great Healer. I am the Worker of Miracles. You assist. You are a low-paid assistant at that.

Everyone must know that I do not serve egos, and nor must you either.

You are not the chef. You are the apron. You are the apron of My heart. It is a good thing to be.

Know Who you are and know you are merely an observer of Who you are. Does this seem contradictory?

Gloria:

I am glad to be nothing so long as it is with You.

God:

Welcome.