Gloria:

Dear God, recently I was talking to a relative who is about my age on the phone, and whatever I said, she said, "Ahuh, ahuh, um, hmm." For example, I said, "Lauren has a new job!" My relative answered, "Um." Without expression. No warmth. She cares about Lauren, but it felt like she was not listening or was bored. Finally I said, "What does um mean?" I can't remember what she said, but at least it was a sentence.

God:

Her ears were listening, but her heart was not. She wanted to be listened to, but she would not talk. You could have picked up her need and been more responsive to her.

With your family, you are still hesitant to be who you are. You still think you must adhere to their knowing more than you. In other words, their discounting of you. You know it was a family myth that you could never measure up. So you hold back. But you know better now.

Gloria:

There are two more family things.

The granddaughter of a very dear brother of mine who never bought that myth — and she's the daughter of my nephew who also did appreciate me — they both are no longer on earth — well, this grandniece of mine called me recently, and there seem to be problems there, and I need to call her back, and yet I haven't. I have some great reluctance to call back, and I feel bad.

God:

You have to be more honest with her, that's all. Then you will want to call her back.

Gloria:

I had another brother who became estranged from all of the family including his mother — my mother. For the first twenty-three years of my life, I was the apple of his eye, and then I didn't even exist. No one could make me happier or unhappier than he. To give you an example of the extent of the estrangement, once I bumped into him, and he said, "How's uh uh uh?" He did not even remember my daughter's name. My brother is no longer living, and I still long for something from him.

Well, I never existed for his son either, of course. I know my heart was not open to his children. I blocked them out too. How would I have had any contact with them anyway if I had tried. And I didn't try.

Recently, I came across a web page for a new business that this brother's son has started. It was a wonderful web page. Very powerful. It stirred me enormously. I also saw a typo or spelling error in it. I emailed my nephew through his web page, told him how great his web page was and also gave him the correct spelling. He responded nicely and ended his email with: "Say hello to your family for me."

God, he didn't even know that my family is also his family! That brought back all my old stuff with my brother.

Here's the thing: all of a sudden I want real contact with my brother's son, and yet with the granddaughter of my brother who never stopped loving me, I'm reluctant. What is this?

God:

My children usually want what they don't have, and don't always appreciate what they do have. Call your grandniece today. Be in your truth. As for your nephew, have loving thoughts and release him.

Gloria:

That night or the next morning after I emailed him and heard back, it felt to me that my brother's spirit came to me, and he said he was sorry, he just didn't know, and I had a sense of his wanting me to be something to his son. I am not certain this was real or just my drifting off.

God:

It was real. Sorry isn't exactly a form that exists in Heaven. What your brother's spirit was saying was that he is more aware now, and he wanted you to know it. Your full forgiveness and release of him would be a form of greater awareness for you, Gloria. As for your connection with his son, bless him and give him to Me. He has your email address if he wants more. I will tell you that he will, but you have to let it go.

Gloria:

God, do all families have crazy stuff in them?

God:

All families are great avenues for experience.

You think yours was crazy because you have an ideal of how families should be. Your family was just right, Gloria, the way it was. It didn't have to be something else. Your family and your life unfolded the way it unfolded for good. It gave you great growth.

You remind me of Bev. She thinks present life has to be a certain way. You think your past life should have been a certain way. But all the flavors of life make it wonderful.

* * *

Sandra to God:

Thank you, God. It all helps during this sadness.

Abby to Heavenletters:

I find so much value in each Heavenletter that I read. Every single one holds something that I can apply to my everyday life, and I try to do so.

Ruth's list is a good one! I'm going to print it out so that I can post it somewhere in my room.

Love to all! Abby

Joyce to Heavenletters:

The last two Heavenletters, the one about Bev's finding work, and the one about Sandra's finding God, have really hit the mark. GREAT!