The more often I read this Heavenletter, the more fascinating it gets. I found it confusing at first. Now I am intrigued by its adamantine vagueness, qualifying, modulating, moderation every single statement or suggestion it makes to point out something quite clear and simple. I feel called to know what it is that makes me listen or not listen, endorse or reject, agree or disagree, confirm and conform and differ and disregard. I feel called to know whose needs, ego's or heart's, determine these decisions. And from there, to become the decider myself. Another Heavenletter on how to let go of the past.

And then, dear God, You say: If I say it, you can believe it. You can believe it across the board. I always count on You being right and You being trustworthy. And if, as is often the case, I cannot yet see what You mean, my way of following You is by objecting. It seems to be the shortest way for me. Objecting to what or whom you long to believe and love is a heart opener.

This Heavenletter is definitely a challenge to our rationality. At the first reading, the thinking seems to meander or gravitate around itself.

-"You can understand yourself more by bouncing off other people, yet other people are not the standard for you to go by nor do other people have dominion over you."

-"You know I do not mean to say that you always know best, for We both know by now that you don’t."

-"What if your mother and father could be right and you and everyone else you know are mistaken"

-"Whatever your age, start to listen to what others say without adamantly rejecting what is said in certain quarters or adamantly accepting what is said in certain quarters".

These statements are definitely rationally and even emotionally confusing. They even raise a "physical" question which I would phrase like: "Where is my center of gravity?" I cannot use two GPS at the same time, meaning I cannot go into two directions at the same time. How can I keep my equilibrium and my sanity in not letting people have a dominion over me and at the same time knowing that most of my ideas are obsolete and that I have to renew my thinking? Do I have to react, try to convince myself or others, reject, feel guilty or just keep silence or listen and redefine myself everyday if not every hour or every minute?

Yet there is a light at the end of this tunnel. But to see that light we have to discover how to distinguish between feeling and going by our heart.

One clue is that the Heart does not feel since it is Joy by essence so it does not vary, it is STILL as the Being. It does not have to go through our physical senses because the Heart (precisely the Heart of the heart) IS. It is our real center of gravity and it has nothing to do with gravity in a space-time continuum. This center is everywhere and nowhere like physical particules in there quantum or "potential" states where there is only synchronicity.

In this Heavenletter, I think God teaches us to behave like an atom where the electrons interact with the outside world while the protons maintain the internal integrity or individuality of itself and the neutrons represent the Heart which has no real physical center unless it is the center of the Universe or God itself.

Most of thoughts are ego, most of feelings are ego. That is why we are always oscillating between our thoughts and other people's thoughts, our feelings and other people's feelings, our body and other people's body.

"You can think in more than one way. You can change direction." If your thought goes in one direction, come back in the opposite direction because what is living has two opposite dimensions and that is what the Alliance is based on. (Sepher Yetsira).

Real openeness is neutrality and neutrality is openess as long as we put our center of gravity in God's heart. Then all confusion should disappear.

I am picking something from Normand's comment which I like:

Do I have to react, try to convince myself or others, reject, feel guilty or just keep silence or listen and redefine myself everyday if not every hour or every minute?

This is a wonderful and thought-provoking sentence. Especially, in my case, when the question is left open to compost as it may.

What I love most about this Heavenletters and all its seeming ambiguity is the way it leaves things open or half-open or a crack open. In our impulse toward disambiguation, are we perhaps closing doors?

There seems to be no strict either-or anywhere. Ego goes into our perceived feelings, heart goes into our perceived feelings. Going by what you feel is not always the same as going by your heart. But we don't know. Perhaps it could be the same, perhaps not, but most likely that does not depend on our definitions, on our drawing boundaries. Consider that you may know what you are doing, and consider that you may not.

So, in the end, what this Heavenletter impresses me with is "consider". Considering, I will become able to see connections without lumping things together; to discriminate without separating; and to state something without pinning or pounding it down. Perhaps what I first found confusing about this Heavenletter is merely the fact that it keeps everything flowing. In the flow, definite knowledge is difficult, to put it mildly. Considering, on the other hand, feels like learning to negotiate the rapids.