Nancy L. to Gloria:

Thank you for asking my questions. I always cry when I read God's answers.

The thought of sharing Heavenletters with my Mother is scary. I am not sure why. Sharing with people I don't know isn't nearly as scary. I'll have to think about that one.

Now I have one more question —

God to Nancy L.:

Dear Nancy, perhaps you already did understand what I meant, but for clarification, it is worth a try for your mother to read Heavenletters in general as an upliftment for her. I did not mean for her to read the specific Heavenletters that concern your feelings with her. I mention this just for the record, Nancy.

Now go on with your question.

Nancy L. to God:

Dear God:

While I was growing up, it was no secret that Charlotte, my younger sister, was my father's favorite. It was also apparent that everyone thought Charlotte was beautiful. A neighbor would visit, and whenever he saw Charlotte, he would always say: "How's the prettiest girl in Brecknock Township?"

There were times I hated her, and I did nasty things to her. I don't feel that way anymore. My relationship with Charlotte is very dear to me.

When my father was dying of cancer, he tried to tell me that he loved me, but the only response I could muster was to turn my back to him and retreat to another place to cry. The hurt just welled up in me, and I could not respond.

As an adult I now know that my father loved me, just differently than he did my sister, and I can intellectually accept that. But my heart is still wounded.

I feel that people don't love me, or I have to somehow earn others' love by doing things for them.

I know I can take a lesson from little Molly, who didn't do anything for anybody except smile and blow kisses. Everyone loved her.

God, I want to feel the love You have for me. I want You to help my heart heal. I want to feel loved and to be able to love others.

God:

Dear Nancy of My heart, this is a very deep wound, and you brought it to this life. And, so, you grew up in a family where you would experience this acute sense of loss and less love and have the opportunity to heal it.

Everyone wants to feel favored. When a child does not feel that she is loved enough, she gets down on herself, because, to her thinking, if she were worthy, she would have all the love, wouldn't she? Therefore, the only thing that made sense was that you were unworthy. It was like a simple mathematical equation for the young child that you were, and are.

All My children are young children.

When all the camouflage leaves, the child is left.

And, you see, Nancy, how this pattern has repeated itself in your life. It is almost like your heart has to pounce on evidence of it.

Do you see this similarity in you to your mother's theme? What you look for, you find.

Now turn the direction of your sights and pay attention to all the signs of love designated for you, Nancy.

Now turn the direction of your heart from love given to you to love you give.

Now turn your heart towards My love, given to you and returned through you.

Pay attention to My love.

If you want to feel My love, feel it. You will feel it within. Slow down and receive My energy. Stop spending yours. Stay still long enough to let more love come to you.

Let your heart and actions be one.

Do not push yourself to do.

Allow yourself to do or not do according to your heart. You do not have to do so much.

And when you do for others, know that the doing is your return.

Look for no other.

You do not have to prove yourself worthy any more than you have to prove yourself unworthy.

I must tell you something else. Sometimes a father resists his girl child because of his attraction to her. We do not know what your vulnerability triggered in your father. We do not know whom, from his past, you reminded him of.

We do know, that when all his camouflage is removed, love is left; his camouflage got in the way of it.

Do not depend so much on love from the outside. Release your need for it.

Your need is for Me.

Give Me your love.

Talk to Me.

Express yourself to Me.

Forgive your earthly father for being only a man trying to find his way in life.

Forgive yourself for caring so much.

Forgive yourself for turning away from your father on his deathbed.

Turn your face to him now.

He knows and knew what was in your heart.

He did not feel abandoned by you.

He felt sad at wasting his love for you.

He wished he had given it.

Had he stopped a while, he would have.

He rushed through life and didn't stop enough.

Be extra loving to yourself today, Nancy.

Give Nancy some inner happiness.

Take a day off.

Go to a hotel room if you like.

Be with Nancy and Me.

Be with Me.

That is all you have to do.

And you are healed.

And you have My love.

And you will carry it with you like a purse filled with coins.

You will open that purse and let the golden coins fall where they may. You will not count them. You will know that it is a self-fulfilling purse. It will never get empty. It will only get fuller. Picture that purse replenishing itself. The more coins it disburses, the more it is filled. The purse does not look for individuals to fill it. It looks only to Me, and knows it will be full.

Love yourself first, Nancy, and your heart will burst open with joy. You will receive more love than you know what to do with. Get ready!