Nancy O. to Heavenletters:

I would like to thank God for the very centering and sweet response to my question about love and loving. I got a kick out of Him saying it's ok to have more than Him! Just because my water state is more like ice will not deter either one of us, either!

I have opened my heart to God once more as my closest partner. His guidance and the support of loving friends and relatives has gotten me through another low point in my life.

It is amazing how hard it is to turn it over to God, and how easy it is once I do!

I am so appreciative of Heavenletters! They have been a lifeline these past few stressful months. It is spring, it is a time of life, newness, renewal, blossoming, and awakening. I am truly blessed with all that I am, all that I have and all that I receive!

Thank you, God. We are never without endless supply.

As you said on April 6, "Think of it — You have God!"

God to Nancy O.:

Appreciation is the beginning of the full blossoming of the budding rose.

Thank you, Nancy.

Note: I just want to point out that, although the following question has similarities to Nancy O's question a few days ago, Judith sent her question in long before Nancy O's question and God's answer were published. — Gloria

Judith to God:

Dear God, in an earlier Heavenletter, You said a spouse helps one to find the depth of their love. This has been so true with my ex-husband. Now that we have been separated for a few years, I begin to appreciate him in other ways.

But the reasons why we separated still exist, and so reconciliation is not possible, although I want this reconciliation to occur under the conditions of healthy change. I don't see this healthy change occurring "in my life time". It frustrates me that here is a man I care for very much, yet the conditions under which I want a partnership with him will most likely not happen. In my mind, there are conditions that are necessary for a marriage to work.

Will You address this dichotomy in terms of relationships? You had spoken earlier about non-judgment in regard to Gloria's friend's son-in-law who did not work steadily to support his wife and little daughter.

Although love is without boundaries and unconditional on one hand, it is very conditional and within boundaries on the other. Without certain boundaries or criteria for a workable marriage, many spouses have no expectations to live up to, and I think that is just unrealistic.

One criterion is that there is sufficient income.

The other is that both people are progressively moving through their rough spots, and because they trust in each other, are able to give up certain beliefs about themselves that are no longer useful or pertinent and are able to see themselves anew. In other words, grow up.

The first thing, the income, is pretty basic, but represents an area of maturity and love that is influenced by the second condition of maturity.

You spoke about non-judgmental attitudes and I am also wondering about unconditional love. There are two forces here — mind and heart. The heart knows only love, but the mind discerns and discriminates. But the heart is not happy with this discrimination; it is not fulfilled. I know that marriages that do not honor heart AND mind create unhappiness and fail.

Are You saying about focus that Your love just flows through us and finds fulfillment as directed by our individual minds towards an object? (As in building a church or some project or loving a person?) If I continue to love my ex-husband, even if from a distance, will I be unable to see the possibility of loving someone else? I know You said to let our love be easy love, yet, when you love someone, it is not like that.

I guess I am expressing my need to be loved in the same way that I love. If You tell me that You love me, that is nice, God, but not the same thing! Will You teach me something regarding this love and relationships business?

Thank you.

God to Judith:

Oh, how full is your mind, dear Judith! Weighing weighing weighing.

That my children do expect things, I am well aware.

You are entitled to choose a man to marry who meets your criteria.

The thing is, dear Judith, he will not meet all of them. I have never heard of the perfect husband.

Qualities that your first husband possessed may not exist in your second. Perhaps your second makes sufficient money, but he also may not spend the time with you because work is very important to him, and you will want a husband who spends time with you. You want to be more important than his work. And so on.

Judith, the mind will never figure it out. There is the expression — two sides to every coin.

You do not have to remarry. You do not have to stay unmarried. You do not have to return to your first husband. You do not have to stay separated from him. You have many choices. And with all of them, you can be happy. And with all of them, you can be unhappy.

Someone else does not make your happiness, although My children certainly think so.

The love you have for a husband is not the same you have for a child. With children, you accept what is given you. You wanted a boy, and you have a girl. It's fine. Whatever child comes to you, you accept the child as yours. The child will be your child always, and you will be the mother of the child. Whatever transpires, that does not change.

With husbands and wives, it's different. You can undo the relationship and be husband and wife no longer. You can break the ties. But a man must be what he is.

It is very hard for a husband when the wife sets up criteria for him as her husband. He ought to be this and that and not that and this. Whose life is his if he has to manifest what you want. What does he want? That has to enter the equation.

What does he want in a wife? Can you be that?

You have your life, and he has his, even though you are married.

All My children, to one degree or another, sit in judgment on another. Living with one another is usually not peaches and cream. But it doesn't have to be salt and vinegar either.

It has been said that what bothers you in someone else is something for you to look at in yourself. Now this is tricky, Judith, because it may not seem like your thing at all. But the fear or dislike is yours; they come from you. What is beneath them?

Remember, I am not telling you that you cannot have your criteria. Otherwise, I would be telling you to marry anyone at all and live with it, and I do not tell you that.

But the whole angle of someone's having to be what you want and expect, that is something that has to be looked at.

If you admit a person into your life, admit them. You can't admit this aspect of a man and not another.

How much control can you let go of?

Who said things have to be the way you want?

We come to the crux of things in your last paragraph. You want a man who loves the way you love. We don't know what this means exactly? How do you love? What is your love based on? Tell Us about the kind of love you want, My Judith. Meanwhile, have Mine.

I ask that you let My love be yours, Judith. Accept My love. Bask in it. From that place of My love, without intellect, without judgment, you will make optimum choices.

Now, in your last sentence is your real question and your openness, Judith. "Will You teach me something regarding this love and relationships business?"

Well, it is not hard and fast, is it? Love on earth always moves. It goes somewhere. It doesn't stay in place. No one is an expert on earth love. Earth love precludes the concept of expert.

What else will I say about love? Don't deny yourself it.

Find opportunities to give My love.

Spend time on My love.

Find your heart's way to Me.

Talk to Me more.

Don't be afraid of Me.

I accept you as you are.

You are My beloved. Be it.