How Godwriting Changed My Life
You can't Godwrite every day and stay the same. Some changes in me and my life happened quickly, and some took their own sweet time. Some haven't happened yet. And some changes stick around while others come and go. The trend is definitely up; the high's are higher, and the low's are higher too. I AM changed. But there is still more to come.
Some of the differences I notice may seem strange to you. They seem strange to me. And some of the differences are dreams come true.
First I'd better say something about the things that don't change at all:
Things That Don't Seem to Change At All
I still have to take out the trash every Tuesday morning. Money doesn't fall from trees. I buy things I don't need. My house is cluttered. I eat too much. I do dumb things, say dumb things. A driver in another car can honk at me. With good reason. My car can stall and leak oil. My hair turns grayer. Loud noises startle me. Mostly I want my evolution to speed up or slow down, depending. I watch TV. I love a good movie, a good book, but I read junk too. I do crossword puzzles. I wonder about a lot of things.
You get the idea.
Some Unexpected Perhaps Less Desirable Changes But Who Knows
Here are some things I didn't bargain on:
It was a gradual realization, but I have become much more cynical. I don't know why it happened. Maybe it was going to happen anyway, but I seem to have become wiser in the ways of the world which is another way of saying that many of my ideals have been shattered. My faith in God has zoomed, while my belief in many other things has sunk.
When I was in high school, I did a book report on The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoievsky. I got an A++ on that report, and the teacher wrote: "Despite your youth, you have a dawning sense of the tragic sentiments of life." I think the teacher was mistaken and that sense has just dawned.
I used to be tremendously naïve. I know some may think I am naivete itself now to believe that God talks to me and that it is His words I write down, but I am much more aware of the hardships people face in life, more aware of the injustice, cruelty, stupidity that I simply didn't believe in before. Not that I didn't believe it didn't happen, but I didn't believe how much. I used to think that everything was supposed to be ideal, that ideal was the standard. I thought everyone wanted to be good and cared about goodness.
Until fairly recently, when I heard of a teacher or a government official lying, cheating, bullying or doing something wrong and stupid, I thought it was unusual and unexpected. I thought everyone would think it was terrible. I thought everyone would be shocked and protest if they knew. I thought everyone thought wrongs should be righted.
I didn't know that personal gain in the world was such a motivator. I didn't grasp how important money was to so many. I knew that money mattered. But I didn't know it was all-important, that no matter how much money some people had, they would gain it or keep it any way they could. I used to think that everything was supposed to be ideal and that ideal was the standard. I thought everyone wanted to be good and cared about goodness. Now I don't think so. Do you see how cynical I have become?
The plus side of my recent cynicism is that I am now also more aware of all my good fortune. I know myself better, and I am more grateful now for my life and myself as I am.
I am more forgetful. God said it doesn't matter what we forget. What matters is what we remember, and that we remember Him. Still, I go the refrigerator and don't know why etc.
My taste in colors has changed, even radically.
Color is enormously important to me. I couldn't live without color. I worry that if I ever had to spend time in prison, I would die from color deprivation.
For years and years, pink was my favorite color, most particularly hot pink. Then I had quite a few years when lavender and violet were. But neither pink nor lavender are my favorite colors any more.
To my surprise, orange is! I am mad for orange. I bought some knives and forks with orange handles at the Bargain Box. I even have some orange shoes!
Below you will read how there is more love in my life. It pops up around almost every corner. When it comes to my own heart of love, however, I feel more distant or muted, like my love has grayed. I used to love deeply or think I did, and now it may be I love less and/or know less what love is. Except for my love of God which keeps on growing, I certainly don't love more. Perhaps I love differently, but I don't know that. It may be I am more neutral, but I don't know that either. Yet my heart feels full, but I don't even know what that means.
Regardless of what hasn't changed or what unexpected changes have come, life is good!
Dreams Come True
Here are some of the changes that I think can be counted on:
Life is nicer. It goes more smoothly. There is more love in it. No matter what city I happen to be in, in the supermarket or bank or in the street, there are more smiles. I think everything in my life is easier. Not perfect, but easier.
I receive so many uplifting emails, incredible emails, emails to die for. I am astounded and humbled, and I can hardly believe it. How can there be so much love, and how can it be that I get to see it. In comparison, my life before Heaven Letters was a desert. I don't think I ever knew there was so much wonderfulness in the world or that I could ever come across so much of it.
The people I meet are smarter - brilliant. Even people I've known for a long time - they have become so bright that it takes my breath away. They have turned into geniuses and heroes over night! Yes, in listening to God's words – something rubs off.
God in Heaven Letters talks often of letting go of the past and grudges and all the old thinking that holds us back. I have discovered that letting go feels awfully good. Sometimes I can deliberately do it with grace. Once in a while I notice after the fact that I have let go. In any case, when I can do it, letting go is a pleasure. Hmmm, I wonder whether growth can come only when something has been let go of.
Self-image has to change. God won't have it any other way. I am bolder and stronger. I used to be the most timid person in the world. Now I take down God's words and send them out every day. That takes courage! God and Godwriting have emboldened me. This may sound corny, but there are things I do for God that I couldn't or wouldn't do for myself. Not in a million years. Godwriting isn't for wimps; at least, you can't stay one for long.
When I was a little girl, I read a book called Plucky Little Patsy, and I wanted to be Patsy. I wanted to have spunk, but I hung in the background. I longed to be invisible, and I hid a lot while I also yearned to be Patsy. It took sixty years, but, finally, at last, I am Plucky Little Patsy!
Now I have work to do, and it's God's, and I can't stay shy. Sometimes I'm even like a hawker. I invite people to Heaven Letters, the readings, and workshops right and left. I invite rejection all over the place! Even though rejection is still hard for me.
I never said Bless you or God bless you to anyone before (unless they sneezed). People who did were suspect, and I certainly would be too embarrassed to. Sometimes I am embarrassed now, but I do it anyway. I don't overdo, but if I want to say God bless you, or sign off an email with Blessings, I do.
Part of being bolder is that I am more honest. I speak up more. I express my feelings more. I am not so apologetic about what I feel. With children I never had difficulty in saying what I thought, but with adults I was hardly ever truthful. I said nothing or limited myself to what I thought might be well-received.
I have made a great discovery. It is: pure honesty works. It's a wonderful technique. It's magic. It could be the solution to all the woes of the world.
Sometimes I even say no now without thinking about it!
I leap up in the morning (most of the time). I never used to get up early except under duress. I certainly didn't get up early to do my own writing. I never worked for myself seven days a week twelve hours a day (or more) either. I always gave myself to whatever I did, but not this much. I am grateful that I have something grand to get up for in the morning. I am eager for my whole day.
My intuition is stronger. Some people see Godwriting as intuition at work. I don't quite see it that way, but maybe it is. With Godwriting, I listen and write down the words I hear. But intuition tells me to go this way or another or go now or later. What I sense as intuition usually comes to me subliminally, more like an impulse. (Hmm, maybe Godwriting is developed intuition.) I find I act more on my impulses. I find myself doing something that I hadn't planned on, like sending out a Heaven News, for example, no big deal, but all of sudden, almost before I realize, I am doing something, and it goes easily. Spontaneity must be a part of intuition.
But once in a while, I get clear-cut intuition in words or in dreams. For example, once I was supposed to go to Iowa City. The night before I kept hearing or dreaming the words: "Don't go to Iowa City tomorrow as you had planned." Each time I heard it, it was firmer or more urgent.
I did not go, and I thought I was being spared from something, like an accident. Since I didn't go, I will never know whether I avoided an accident or not. What I do know is that wonderful old friends who live five states away unexpectedly knocked on my door, and I was there to open it! Seeing them was worth ten trips to Iowa City.
Anyway, I think intuition isn't always to save us from danger but also to make sure we don't miss out on something wonderful.
The ease of Godwriting seems to carry-over into my own writing. Godwriting usually flows, sometimes faster and more inescapably than other times, sometimes slower. In contrast, my own writing was always labored. I would revise and revise for hours and weeks and then maybe throw the whole thing away.
After I was into the swing of Godwriting, at some point I noticed, "Hey, my own writing is just coming out by itself too". With exceptions.
Writing an ad or a query letter takes me forever. But for the most part, my own writing flows more and comes out right or almost right the first time around. Definitely much easier. That didn't happen immediately, but it did happen.
By and large, I have much more energy, more determination and follow-through.
I am less selfish. At least when I think of some of my selfishness in the past, I can hardly believe how selfish I was. I am mortified to think of how selfish I have been. Hmmm, unfortunately, I can't think of anything unselfish I've done recently.
One of the big things now is how much less upset by things I am than I used to be. By far. ***There are also far fewer things in my life for me to be upset about! *** Let's put stars around this one and blow some horns.
This is not to say that I don't ever get ruffled, miffed, annoyed, irked, angry, disappointed, hurt, rejected, dejected, distraught, agitated, anxious, fit to be tied, fed up, sad, unhappy, depressed, judgmental - have I left anything out? I still get hit with things sometimes, but I estimate that all the negative emotions have been cut 80% in incidence and degree.
I am more grateful. Even when something in me or life cuts off my peace and my sense of God, I realize how much of my life used to be major drama. Now it's not. So now I am grateful for a little disturbance and the awareness it brings.
Needless to say, God looms large in My life. From out of nowhere, He's taken over. I am consumed with His presence. I am in love.
I am still a mixed bag, but the mix is different.
I suspect I am just like you.
What changes have you noticed since you have been doing your own Godwriting?