Sometimes after a big disagreement, when the dust settles, you see that the issue wasn't important the way you thought it was. You may even look back and see that it wasn't important at all. It was really all about your ego fuming. You took whatever it was, a remark, an action, personally. You took it as inflammatory.
Think of what taking something personally means. It means you take words or actions as directed to you.
It may not have been nice what was said or done, and yet no matter how many times you have heard not to take something personally, once again you did take whatever it was personally. You bought into someone else's anguish or fury or question and made it your own. Even if they were really trying to assert themselves over you, you bought into their need to overtake you, and you got burned. Of course, you burned yourself, you understand. You didn't have to walk into the fire.
It was someone else's personal fire, and you decided to put it out. Of course, more likely, you fanned the flames.
Long after, perhaps not until the person who offended you leaves his or her body, your anger melts. It somehow gets all washed away, and you wonder why you had the anger or thought you had to have it. You can see now that there was a lot of fuss that didn't have to be. It was all lack of acceptance, theirs and yours. Perhaps it was your parents who upset you. They didn't view you as you would have liked to be viewed, and this was appalling to you. Yet, beloveds, you could have paid attention to your parents' love rather than their falling short. Through it all, whatever it was you saw, you see it differently now. Whatever you felt at the time, you feel differently now. You know better now.
But don't wait for death or illness or seriousness of any kind before you look at things differently. Certainly most of the time, perhaps even always, the real culprit is not what someone said or did. The real culprit is yourself. Why were you so eager to take offense? Why were you so ready to fly off the handle? Confess now, you were ready and waiting to take offense. You were armed to defend your sensitive ego. You were gung-ho. Didn't you know it was better to let ego go and not protect or defend ego ever again? That means your ego. Let yours go, and then you won't respond to someone else's either.
Beloveds, active ego will always get the better of you so long as you keep it around.
Perhaps you got upset because someone did not seem to think well of you. Did you think they would feel better about you when you got uppity and your anger flared? When did you ever successfully set someone straight? Most likely, all you did was light a match under them just like the match you felt they lit under you.
If you would really like to get rid of angry retorts once and forever, why don't you? Why must ego and anger snap their fingers at you, and you respond by running to them? You are not bigger than they are yet, so why get into it with them? When you are bigger than ego and anger, you won't stop for them. You won't get hot under the collar.
When a gnat bites you, you don't go into an uproar. You don't run to a therapist because of it. You are able to take gnats in stride and not take their bites personally. Others' remarks are gnat bites, beloveds. Gnat bites aren't about you. You just happen to be there. You can remove yourself and not get into a gnat match.