I am never sure how to introduce myself without identifying myself with someone I no longer choose to be. I change as life changes, following the seasons and the rain and the wind as they sweep across the mountains where I live.
This is as good a place to start as any.
I live in South Norway, in the highlands and mountains that surrounds the fjords of this beautiful land. I live in a large white, wooden house with red and green wooden flowers carved on it - and whenever you come to see me you have to walk under two magnificent trees with bloodred leaves. I love trees, and sometimes when I used to live in a city (or as you might call it - a town, because cities do not exist here as you know them in the states) I used to run away - run up to the public forest and hide beneath the old fir trees. I closed my eyes and I told them of my day, and their quiet humming used to comfort me far more than any words could do.
I have a tree tattooed on my right arm, from my shoulder to my elbow. I drew it myself.
I am an artist. I draw and I paint on glass. Sometimes I paint in my head as inspiration flows through me, but seldomly do I put it down on paper. I know that I should - but I have still not managed to overcome the identity that I am not good enough.
I am a writer, but seldom do I write what is in my heart when I cannot sleep at night. I lose myself in the stories and in the enchantments of the darkness, but as I awaken, the dreams have faded and I assume that it would never have come to anything.
I am married, although most of the time I feel so distant from everything, that I cannot say honestly that I am even in a relationship with myself.
My husband is American, and if I ever doubted that God has Angels on this planet - then Daniel is the greatest gift to tell me otherwise. Sometimes I do not even see it as a gift, but a curse, because the lessons I am taught about who I am, is taught me through being Who I Am Not. The greatest blessings are most often the ones hardest to spot.
I am longing for Union, and for Answers, and I find it hard to believe that we are all enlightened to begin with. I live most of the time in my head, although I wish I didn't. At times I see the blessing of it - that I cannot live in my heart unless I have lived in my head.
I am impatient, although I can wait patiently for hours for the sun to rise.
I am the daughter of a German physicist, a mind so brilliant and sharp I still have not understood a fragment of it, even. He chose the way of his heart, and moved from the cities in Germany to start an organic farm in the mountains of Norway instead. I am the daughter of the most sensitive, heartwarm mother. She has worked as a teacher for many years, but followed her heart, and works now at a mental institution.
I have five brothers and sisters, and many nieces and nephews, although I have no children of my own.
I have a cat I love dearly, although I sometimes curse him because he complaints I am not giving him the time he deserves.
I am young, but other times I feel that I am so old, my life has passed me by. I do not fit into any category, and most times I feel I am stuck inbetween.
I am afraid of being rejected by others, but still I reject myself the most. The moment I think that I understand life, I understand that I know nothing at all. I find it hard to flow with the river of life, yet I live my days by the pull of the moon.
I want to thank all of you for being who you are, and giving all of us the opportunity to receive the words of God. I am sitting at my kitchen table with the green tablecloth I love so much, and I look out over a flower field, and the beautiful trees. It just stopped raining, and the sunlight sweeps over the land like painted lightstrokes. This is as good a place to end the introduction as any.
Much love from Norway,
Margaretha