There is much you do not understand. There is that which you know you don't understand, and there is that which you misunderstand perfectly well.
You long for answers to why questions. Why is there suffering on Earth? Why are you here anyway? Why would anyone choose to be here when they could choose to be in Heaven playing with angels and plucking on a harp?
There is no answer to "Why?" that can satisfy your inquiring mind. The question implies that life on earth is a dismal thing, full of worry and woe. The premise is that life is a dreadful thing, and that the occasional beauty does not compensate for the heartache rendered.
You cannot readily accept that you chose to be here. Or, if you did choose, you imagine you must have been foolish or crazy.
But life on Earth cannot make sense from the level of the mind. In that sense, there is no satisfactory answer to your "Why?" questions.
You believe that it is your heart that asks the questions, but it is the mind that feeds them to you. And the mind is like the naughty child that cannot be pleased.
A better premise for you to start with is that life on Earth is not wasteful. Therefore, to have chosen life on Earth is a worthy thing.
Certainly, life on Earth hastens your pursuit of Me. Otherwise, without pursuit of Me, your life on Earth would be exquisitely superficial. And then, you might be asking: Why is life on Earth made up of sure things? Why is life on Earth a flat plane rather than one with hill and dale?
You might be asking: What is the good of life without travail? What is the good of a life that answers all questions perfectly? In that case, you would ask: What is the use of having questions?
Would you really prefer a predictable life? Would you really prefer dullness? What then would the purpose of your life be? Would you be here for your benefit alone? Would you prefer to be an automaton in a lusterless world? Would all ease then be ease? Angels in Heaven are happy beyond your comprehension. And all the while, they serve. And you on Earth are serving. Serve more than yourself.
If you found yourself drifting in the middle of an ocean, would you ask: Why did I find myself in the middle of an ocean?
Perhaps you would do better to ask: What shall I do to make this raft-trip meaningful? If not for myself, then for others?
If you are in a sinking ship, as you seem to believe, then make it more palatable for others. Make it significant. Give life its meaning.
If you are milling around at a party, when you concern yourself with the comfort of others, you will find that you are having a better time.
You are on Earth for the succor of others. You are on Earth for purpose, and your purpose is great. Not one nail in the table of life is wasted.
All your complaints about life on Earth show that you know happiness is possible. You would not moan the loss of happiness unless you knew that happiness is available and attainable. In the midst of your tears, you know that a state of joy exists, or you would not crave it so.
I applaud you for desiring joy. Your purpose on Earth is to make joy on Earth. If you cannot make joy possible for yourself, make it possible for another. Do it, not for your sake, but for Mine.
You are seeds of joy I have planted on Earth. You are the joy you seek. When I told you to multiply, I meant for you to multiply joy. Certainly not sorrow nor commiseration.
Life on Earth is not your downfall. It is your rising. Take heart and use your life well.