Being love and seeing love do not mean that you make excuses for others, nor for yourself. Excuses are not love. They are excuses. Love is not pretense. Excuses are. You do not do a favor for anyone to make excuses for them. And, above all, do not make excuses for yourself.
If you are late for a meeting with a friend, it may be absolutely true that you got tied up on the phone or caught in traffic, yet the telephone and traffic are no excuse for your being late. If your airplane is delayed, that is an excuse. It was not in your hands, but the telephone and local traffic are. You do not have to talk on the phone. You can say to the person who telephones: “I have an important appointment, and I don’t want to be late. I’ll call you back later.” When you are late due to a phone call, you are saying that the phone call was more important than the person you kept waiting.
When it comes to traffic delay, you did not expect it. On the other hand, it is not the first time traffic was slow. Could you not have gotten into your car sooner?
When I tell you not to make excuses for others’ actions, I do not mean that you chastise them. I mean that you do not make excuses for them. Beloveds, you do not have to expose yourself to someone else’s thoughtlessnesss, nor do you have to make excuses for anyone’s thoughtlessness. When thoughtlessness persists, you do not have to nag, but you do have to face it.
When someone is thoughtless or unkind, it doesn’t matter what their childhood was. He or she may have had the worst childhood imaginable. Still it is not okay that anyone makes you feel unvalued. There is no excuse for it. Maybe they get away with it, but that is hardly an excuse.
You are entitled to respect. You are even entitled to be adored. Adore yourself first.
You are no longer a young child who is under the thumb of his parents. You are under no one’s thumb but your own. You are meant to be free to love and not to make excuses. Give yourself permission to recognize your worth.
You do not live in a prison where a guard can be unkind, and there isn’t much you can say or do about it. In prison, your rights have been taken away. In prison, you may have to keep quiet and deal on the silent level of heart. That is doing something.
Do not excuse someone’s poor behavior by saying, “He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know what he was doing. Deep down he loves me.” All of that may be true, and still it is not an excuse. Nor is it an excuse for you to say, “I can’t do anything about it,” or to say, “Maybe I deserved it.” Even if you did deserve it, it still doesn’t mean it’s all right. You are not meant to be long-suffering. You are not wonderful to let untoward things continue. Change yourself. Change your self-perception. Change the position you take.
I am the first one to tell you not to take offense. Still, there are some things you have to face and not kid yourself about. Hurtful behavior is not okay. There are matters that you cannot keep denying. Denial does not serve you. Nor does it serve the other. Nor does it serve Me.