I hear you ask Me respectfully:
“Dear God, how am I to learn Self-Reliance and, at the same time, depend upon You?
“I understand You are the Doer, yet, as I understand Your Will, we, Your children, are not to sit around doing nothing but waiting for You. Your Will is that we take responsibility for our lives, and sometimes You come to our rescue.
"This isn’t a trade, that we serve You, and You serve us, even as we ask You for Divine Intervention. We even beg, and there are times that it seems that You do not accord us our Will. It is for Your children to serve You, and yet, and yet, You also serve.
“I do not know how to represent myself and serve You. I know You want me to do well, and I want to do well. How do I represent my Will and serve You? I would like to always serve You, God.
“You have told us not to be petitioners, and that Your Will and my Will are One. Of course, I don’t quite believe that Your Will and my Will are at loggerheads. I know You want the Good Will of all Your children to be fulfilled. Our human Wills are not always self-serving, and it seems that we have a Will that sometimes is clear. We have some kind of Will in our DNA that seeks its fulfillment.
“I mean we yearn to be artists or musicians or writers or cooks or healers or scientists and mathematicians. We find ourselves going in a direction. It does not seem like my individual Will, yet how do I know when it is Your Divine Will? How do I know ahead of time with assurance? Is it assurance within myself that turns the tide of my life? How is it that one person who asks for healing for his child - his child gets healed - and another who asks for healing of his child – his child is not healed? And those who ask for the healing of all children, their desires have not yet been answered.
“I am aware that You are a God for greater than wish fulfillment, and there is much I do not understand. I also understand from You that I do not have to understand.
“Yet, am I a renegade who cannot always seem to accept Your Will? Do I give lip service to Your Sovereignty, yet argue with You in my heart? You tell us not to be beggars, and yet I find myself begging and begging. I ask You to make me strong, and yet I flail and flounder. How do I make myself strong? Does it have to be through what seems to be adversity?
“What does it mean, dear God, to be obedient to You, when at the same time, You desire us to be self-reliant? Tell me, God, please tell me what I am missing? I am so sad for dreams unfilled. I do not want to be a fighter in the world. There must be a way for me to persist yet persist without battle. I do not yet know when I am persisting or when I’m squabbling. I never want to squabble with You. When I do not know with certainty, am I desiring my Will more than Yours? I do not know with certainty. Do I mean to say that I want life to be easy? Yes, I do. I don’t think I mean at the cost of Your Will. When do I surrender, God? When can I genuinely know when it is Your Divine Will or my self-centered Will?
“When I meet a stone wall, when do I keep pushing? When do I go around a different way? When do I desist? Tell me how to know Your Will. This is what I do not know. I do not know what You ask of me. Make Your Will clear so that I may follow You down the road You desire me to go. Help me to know Your Will so that I may follow You. Help me to discern.”
Beloveds, of course, you are to learn Self-Reliance. You don’t yet know what Self-Reliance is. It is through your Trust in Me that you gain Self-Reliance.