Kathy to God:
Dear God, well, I finally made it to Spain. I spent a lot of money to get here, and now I am having second thoughts and wonder if I shouldn't just pack it up and go back home. Things just aren't clicking. In fact, I am finding many obstacles here. I got sick as soon as I got here, and I'm still coughing, and getting my residency visa is not going smoothly.
It just isn't as nice here as when I visited a year ago. The people I'm staying with seem to have problems of their own, and I feel they criticize me for being sick.
Frank, the man who said he loved me but couldn't commit to anyone and who went off to Oregon, returned before I left the United States, so maybe that is some of my indecision because we got more involved when he came back.
I have a one-month return ticket, and I meant to extend it for a year, but now I wonder if I shouldn't just come home, but I have to decide quickly because my one-month is up in five days. Should I go back? Should I just toss it all in and go back and start over somehow?
I know You won't answer that directly for me, but I will appreciate any advice you give me.
God to Kathy:
Kathy, Kathy, Kathy, your happiness is not dependent upon which country your body is located in.
Your happiness is dependent upon your letting go of old habits. You look to the outside too much. "Something here on the outside is not right," you say. "It doesn't feel right here. I don't get support here." You said that at home, and you say it in Spain. Wherever you are, that is a familiar refrain. Will you admit this?
The rest of your refrain is: "I don't know what to do. Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay with Frank anyway or should I leave? "
You have many things to blame your discomfort on, dear Kathy. Other people. Circumstances. Support of nature. The house you live in. Electro-magnetic waves…
You take yourself with you wherever you go is an old adage, and it applies to you. You are a sterling example.
Visiting people is always different from living with them. You must know that. Sooner or later, things get down to yourself and how you deal with them.
I say to you: Blame your attachment — blame your attachment to the outside, dearest Kathy. It is your attachment. Blame your attachment to not knowing what to do and waiting for something outside you to make decisions for you.
Kathy can make her own decisions.
You can decide to stay. You can decide to go. That decision is immaterial.
The decision you need to make is that you will make a commitment to whichever you decide. Problems are always going to exist around My children, one way or another. When things don't turn out spectacularly, you need to commit to working through whatever needs to be worked through. Commit to not leaving your job, as it were, in the middle.
You really cannot be a wanderer in life, Kathy, because you cannot flit from it. Do you want to wander on the surface all the time?
Life follows you.
You, Kathy, plunk yourself down somewhere and wait to be served properly.
It is never going to happen.
There is not a perfect location, Kathy.
There is not a perfect man.
There is not a perfect situation in the relative, as you see it, Kathy.
When it comes to Frank, your question has to be: How much do I want to deal with him? How much am I willing to stretch? How much am I willing to involve myself? How much am I willing to invest of myself in making this relationship work? In other words, what do you want and how much do you want it? And what will you give to it.
And that applies to where you live and what you do as well.
Another question it might be good for you to ask, Kathy, is: "How much am I willing to put up with my own nonsense?"
Troublesome things do not usually go away by themselves, Kathy.
You are one of the biggest deny-ers that I know of.
What you deny most of all is that you are one of My treasures on earth. You let yourself be a bauble floating in a bathtub when you belong to be a far-sailing ship moving forward on the Great Ocean. You fritter your life on tiny questions when you could be serving Me.
When are you going to write about Me, Kathy, dear?
When are you going to spend time thinking about Me? And sharing Me?
When are you going to think of Me more than you think of small details in your life?
You have bigger questions than where shall Kathy live.
The Sun doesn't ask, Oh, where oh where should I shine? The Sun shines.
Stars don't ask, Oh, what land should I sparkle over? Stars sparkle everywhere.
Too much attention on what pleases you or displeases you. You can run on that circuit all your life, or you can get off and start living life anew.
That is your choice.
I would decide that you come with Me, and that you come with Me now, but I cannot decide that for you.
Ask more questions if you like, Kathy-of-My-Heart.