Johanna to God:
Dear God, I am confused about what to do.
I presently do web development for the Internet. I work independently from home, and I like that. I make $60 an hour, and I like that too.
But I have become burnt-out on the computer. I don't want to even open up my computer to get personal emails any more. I don't like all of the responsibility and pressure that I feel from people. I get sick with anxiety, and I am tired of all the details.
I have an idea for a website business that could be fun and possibly profitable, but I need to be clearer on my idea.
Meanwhile, I am not happy at all doing what I am doing. I begin to feel that money is the true evil because it's hard for me to let go of $60 an hour in order to do something less.
If I knew I would love doing my personal web site idea and that it could support me, I wouldn't mind making less money. I still would be working from home, and I would still be my own boss.
But to take a job not in my present field for $10 an hour — I don't think I can bring myself to do it.
Will You please help me be clearer in my heart and mind, God?
God to Johanna:
Dear Johanna, you know you have to leave the field you are in. You know you do, sooner or later. You know you cannot hold out there your entire work life. So it is already clear that you will leave what you are doing.
What is not totally clear is how or how soon.
You will feel better just acknowledging this decision. You can let go of some of the tension you feel while you ease out of your present responsibilities. You can leave little by little. Give yourself a limit of how many projects you will work on and keep reducing that limit as you pursue your own website idea. You are allowed transition, dear Johanna.
Do you agree that you must trickle out of this present work? Better to leave while you still have the say. You know it is not good for you to continue.
You are in an enviable position in that you can do virtually anything well. You are a whiz. Intellectually, you are in a great field. Only it leaves a hole in your heart. And your heart is what counts.
Do not be so certain that you cannot work for someone else. Do not be so certain that you must work from home. Do not be so certain that it is so hard to leave $60 an hour for the unknown.
Money is not the true evil. Not at all. Attachment more likely is, if there were a true evil. But evil cannot be truth, because love is truth.
But even pesky attachment is a road to freedom because through the weight of attachment you yearn to become unattached.
As for your personal website idea, pursue it. It is your idea. Who can do it better than you? Who can do it as well?
Johanna, dear Johanna, stop looking for obstacles. You get in your own way. You pile up boxes and debris in front of you. Leave them where they are, step over them, and go forward. Keep moving forward. Consider what you are going for and not all the possible obstacles the path might be fraught with.
I sense a hiding in you, Johanna. A going-away-from rather than a going-towards. Do you know what I mean?
Embrace your future. Start it. Be bold. Bare your head to the sky. Pull up your sleeves, and start digging in. Yes, you have My permission and My pushing that you go forward. What more do you need?
Envision what you want, and go for it. Stop sticking yourself where you presently flounder. Get up and swim. The water is fine. And My daughter Johanna is too. All is well, Johanna.
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Diane to God:
Dear God, thank You for the message yesterday, September 30. It feels so good. Now I understand so much better. Ah, the perfection of God and Heavenletters.