Judith to God:
Dear God, when I am around another person, or persons, who engender disagreeable feelings in me, am I feeling the disagreeable feelings because I need to change something about myself as mirrored by this person? How should I see myself and this other person? Is it because I forget about Your Presence that the behavior of others becomes jarring?
I would like to be able to be around others in any capacity without coming from this judgmental mind, (which seems to breed only anxiety and disagreeability) and come from Your Mind, (which simply washes everything in unconditional love and acceptance), instead.
How can I keep connected to You in my awareness all the time, and not slip into the small mind of individuality and judgment when I am met with people who challenge something in me? Love and acceptance is the last thing on mind, God, when I am with difficult people. But I get that it is me who must let go of something, and not try to change them. I see that this (need to change others in order to create more harmony for myself) is a fundamental belief.
I know that I can not try to love someone unconditionally. (I have tried it and it doesn't work). Can You help me with this?
God to Judith:
Dear daughter Judith, something doesn't go "right" and, therefore, something or someone bothers you.
You are correct. You cannot simply compel yourself to love someone or anyone and have it work. Trying to love someone unconditionally is trying to love with your teeth clenched to one degree or another.
The one English word "love" means many things. The love We talk about here is not an impassioned love. It is a dispassionate love. It is not a heartwarming jolly love. It is neutral. It is pure. It is what you are. When you try to be what you already are, you bollux things up. More annoyance becomes pent up because you are now additionally unsuccessful at assuming a role of innocent love.
Unconditional love is more like love from a distance. Just as in a book, you can read about a most annoying person, but you like them anyway. We could compare that to neutrality. It is not that you don't see someone's flaws. It's just that nothing is at stake for you.
You, My children, expect someone to behave in a certain way. When they do not, your sense of yourself becomes interrupted. When you yourself do not respond in a certain way, your sense of self also becomes interrupted. When your sense of self is interrupted, you attach blame either to the other person or yourself, or sometimes an object even, such as the computer. Something gets your goat. Something ruffles your feathers. Something annoys you. You are the one annoyed, so in that way it rests with you.
Acceptance does not mean that everything is lovely. It doesn't mean you adore everything that happens or how it happens. But you are a passerby to it. You know indeed that another's words or facial expressions or mannerisms or emotions have ultimately nothing to do with you. It is their expressions or words or mannerisms or emotions. They are not yours, the same way that your annoyance is yours, and not theirs.
Again and again We come back to attachment, expectation, judgment. All of those are words having to do with your setting the rules. Judgment inevitably makes one more and another less, would you agree?
Life does not always go the way you think it should. One solution is: Don't think how life should go. Don't think how someone else should be. Don't think of how you should be. No should's, Judith.
Come to every encounter fresh, not with backlog.
Consider yourself a researcher on human behavior. In that case, you might even take delight in someone's seeming irrational behavior. At the least, you will look to understand it rather than be dismayed by it.
Human relationships are not the easiest thing in the world. That is a given.
Acceptance does not mean that you put up with everything or nothing. It doesn't mean that you ignore and deny annoyance for the sake of being a better person. But it also doesn't mean that you try to control others any more than it means to deny yourself. It may come down to this:
What is your business, and what is the other person's? And what is Mine?
When is it time from you to bring Me in? It will become easier and easier for you to draw Me in, Judith. When you are aware that I am in your court, how threatened can you be? Perhaps when you go into work in the first place, you will remember that I accompany you.
Getting back to blame — it is hard to leave thoughts of Me, isn't it? Who wants to get onto the details of another topic when you can have Me in mind? Ah, that is how to live life. Just transport yourself to Me. How unimportant the other stuff becomes, and how We long to stay together — but, now, just for a moment, We will return to a subject where it is hard to keep Me shining there, and that is blame.
When you blame yourself or you blame another, more tension is created. The original situation created tension, and now there is more.
Blame is not impartial. It is a wielding stick. Blame is always an accumulation from the past, dear Judith.
Now, this is not to say that you cannot learn from all life. Whatever goes on, you can always ask yourself, "What might I learn from this?" And it is your choice of what you learn from it. You might prefer to think, "What would God like me to learn from this?" Perhaps that will help you look for a more kindly lesson or moral or — Discovery!
How do My children find this balance of expressing themselves and yet honoring another? How do you not sweep your feelings aside and still consider the other person's starring role in his life?
If you were not annoyed, it would be easier for you to express yourself in a delightful way. And what is delightful? It is honest, dear Judith. It is honest. It is honesty without recrimination. It is honesty unbelabored. And honesty can make you both laugh.
Do not expect perfection. Do not expect it from yourself or from another. And remember to bring Me in with you. Know I am seated beside you before the annoyance occurs. Maybe it won't seem so annoying then.
Is your question answered? Do you want more, Judith of My heart?