Ruth to God:
Dear God, I have had a long co-dependent relationship with a truly needy person, which I finally terminated about two years ago because I saw how destructive it was for her as well as for me.
Recently I thought we could reconnect on a different level, but now she is asking me again for financial assistance. I feel it is not a good idea although I could easily afford it, but then I feel very ungenerous and guilty.
Could you please help me to see this more clearly and to get over my feelings of responsibility for her? I feel so blessed by so many good things in my life that I want to share them — including money, but this just doesn't seem to work with her. Every time I think I've worked through this issue it seems to come up again.
Thank You for all the help You give us all through Heavenletters, and thanks to all the Heavenreaders who ask wonderful questions.
With much love and gratitude.
God to Ruth:
My dear one, you owe no one. No one. You owe yourself.
If your budget were tight it would be easy to say to your friend: "I wish I could help, but I barely have enough left over myself." Even then you would feel some guilt because you yourself would not be in need, and she still would be or perceived to be.
Is this sense of owing so important to you that you will even renew a relationship that is sure to rub that sense raw?
This friend serves you very well, beloved Ruth. She is going to make you resolve this issue that exists within you once and for all.
She may need more money, but it is not as simple as that with her, as you well know. She wants you, Ruth. She wants to own you, control you, worry you, dominate you. And she is good at that. She has entered your thoughts and heart now and wreaks havoc in you. Heavy, heavy is the burden she imparts to you and which you accept, whether you dole out money to her or not. You also know the more you would help her, the more you would be beholden to her. The tighter her grasp would be. More would you be clutched.
Ruth, you cannot give her pieces of yourself. No matter how good a person you are, no matter what her need, you can only give at your behest, not someone else's. You cannot give begrudgingly, for that is not giving.
All of this you already know, and yet you get sucked in to the same script one more time, one more time.
Ruth, she does not need you. She thinks she needs you. She needs Me. Give her what you can give her with your full heart. Give her over to Me. Give her the gift of Heavenletters. Give what is free-flowing from your heart. No more than that.
Release yourself from this tug-of-war between the two of you. Release your friend to Me, and release yourself to Me. I am responsible for her. You are not. And you are responsible to Me, my beautiful Ruth, no other.
Honor yourself. Know you are entitled to abundance. You can have money overflowing, and you take from no one and you owe to no one. You do not owe to the universe. You have no debt to pay.
In your mind make an imaginary budget, and what is left over from your normal expenditures, put in a beautiful account marked God, saved for God. Then you have a zero balance available to spend, and when your friend grinds you for money, you can say to yourself in your mind, "I have no reserve left over." And then think no more about it.
Give where your heart likes to give. Give from your God account. You have full right to issue checks from there as you wish. Only as you wish, for that is My wish, dear Ruth.
Then you create a flow of energy that circles the world. And that energy will uplift your friend as well.
* * *
Gloria to God:
Dear God, sometimes people feel that their name should not go along with their question, and I say no. But one time I was influenced by the person's need to be private, and I didn't feel good about it after. I feel guilty about it now.
God:
When a person hesitates to have their name printed, they think they have something to be ashamed of, when, in fact, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Shame and embarrassment are a world thing. Things connected to the world are ego-connected. Shame and embarrassment are ego things, and I do not support their existence.
If you agree to change someone's name, you are supporting their belief that there is something to be ashamed of. That is why it is better that you leave the choice to the questioner: they share their question and their name and let go of embarrassment at no cost or they keep their privacy and pay money to retain their idea of embarrassment. The choice is not yours. It is theirs. Make it simple, Gloria. Do not take on others' burdens.