Lauren to God:
Dear God, I am tired of hearing that I have to love myself first. I'm tired it's all my fault.
I would love to be around someone who loves me for myself and not what I do for them. I crave for someone to love me the way Jack Nickolson loved Helen Hunt in AS GOOD AS IT GETS when he said: "I can't believe that other men don't know they're talking to the most wonderful woman in the world."
I haven't ever had that — no one has come close.
There is a pattern in my work and in my life that I am always there for others, but who is there for me? Who doesn't need something from me? Who even thinks that I might need something? The people at work can come to me with any problem, but there never has been anyone for me to go to.
It's like this: I remember my father's birthday. He doesn't remember mine. I worry that he's all right, and when does he ever consider me? And that's how my life seems to be.
God, it would be much easier for me to love myself if I had someone behind me who cared about me and loved me. That my mother feels that way doesn't help one bit.
When I hear that all I need is You, I feel like there is a seed in the ground that will become a tree, but it's only a seed now. I don't care if it will be a beautiful manifest tree SOME DAY. I want a deeply-rooted blossoming tree now.
I come back to this: people lean on me. Or, if I completely changed myself, they would love me. Where is love?
When someone seems wonderful, I find out he's lying. I don't even believe wonderful exists any more.
God, I want some magic in my life. I want to be swept off my feet and have adventure. Not everyone wants that, but I want it. I want life to be fun and easy, not pressure, stress, strain, and suffering.
Why can't some absolutely wonderful job come into my life? Why can't a wonderful man come into my life and take pressure off me so I can actually use my heart?
Dear God, I feel like earth isn't my planet. I am too sensitive. I want to be on a planet that just has dogs and children and flowers. I don't want to feel rough and tough and get my feelings hurt.
I want to be around people who are fun, uplifting, and kind, and where I can be totally honest. I would like to be with kindred spirits instead of with roughness and smallness like at work.
I admire people who don't need anyone, but I don't want to feel that I am happier by myself than with someone. And I know I put up walls with people, and that I put up a wall with You too.
Will You help me, God?
God to Lauren:
Dear dear Lauren, you are a beautiful soul, and you are not always surrounded by beautiful giving souls. You have always given a lot, and you have not always received a lot. Now you are feeling that life will never be even for you, that life has fooled you, taken advantage of you, and that life is not kind, that it is only promises unkept. You don't even want to hope any longer. You want fulfillment, not disappointment.
You have a beautiful heart and beautiful mind. You see with a vision that many do not have. And you keep silent. You keep your wisdom to yourself.
You find a pattern in your life, dear one. In your life. It is your life. Other people have different patterns. Who puts the patterns there? It is so easy to see in others how they set themselves up. Are you perhaps replaying the role of the child beseeching her father to love her?
Lauren, responsibility and blame are not the same. Responsibility is something you take, and blame is something you give. Taking responsibility for your life is freeing. Blaming or accusing holds you in place. It glues your feet to the floor. And the concept of fault is a crevice you fall into.
You have given much, expressed yourself little, and then waited for others to play fair with you.
At the same time, you have not always played fair, dear Lauren. When you hold yourself back, you are not playing fair. Holding yourself back is controlling. Holding yourself back is proving that you are not worthy. Holding yourself back is replaying a life situation. Pressure, stress, strain, and suffering really do not come from the outside, dear Lauren. They come from you.
When you accept yourself, you will be more honest. When you are honest, there will not be walls between you and other people. There will be no wall between Us. If you put a wall up, you can bring it down. You. Only you, dear one. Don't make it so hard.
When you hold back, that is an offense. When you hold back, you withhold, and you withhold from yourself. You hold the cards in your hands, My dear child. I cannot tell you otherwise.
You are kind. You are tender and nourishing to everyone. You do have great responsibility, and it is not all of your choosing. If there are rewards in life, you want them now.
Will you see your worth more? Will you look at your worth more than you look at the lack of worth in the world?
You are not satisfied with yourself, My Lauren. You could have your same life you have now and be happy. You do this by rescuing yourself. Put yourself on a shining white horse, and the prince will come.
Lauren, you are not from this planet. Nor is your mother. Nor are many. Earth is not your home. You didn't come from here. You are a stranger in a foreign land, and you are learning the ways of this land. Stay true to yourself. Do not be less than you are.
Remember you are a star. A star is a guiding light. You can light the darkness at work. You already are. But you are looking at the darkness instead of your light and My light.
Men do lie, My dear Lauren, but you have not been honest.
Lauren, I tell you unequivocally, that your happiness is on its way. It is all prepared for you. What you have to do is step out of the unhappiness.
And do those things that make you happy. Do them now. Nothing stops you but yourself.
And consider the possibility that you are My beloved, and that you are worthy of My full love and all the love the world has to give also.
Your life will change the instant you allow it to. This moment it is changing. Let the changes catch up to you.
Keep Me in your heart, Lauren, and your heart will not be discouraged. Keep My love for you in your heart. Let go of your control. Let Me lead you. Let yourself have the full dimension of My love. Consult with Me. Open your heart to Me. All else will follow.
You are My blessed child. Your earth father has denied himself a great opportunity for great love. Do not you deny yourself, for I, your Father, do not deny you nor do I deny Myself. Be the greatness you are for My sake. Let go of the past, and come to Me. Stop protesting. Give in, Lauren. Give yourself to Me. Wait no longer.
* * *
Diane to Heavenletters:
YES! What a fantastic idea! The Top 50. Party on, Heavenreaders!
Karen to Heavenletters:
Hi, it is me, Karen, and I vote on this book. Yes. But I also think we should ask God for any input. Maybe there are some other messages that God wants to come out for all to hear and know.
So I vote hurray for the book, and also the vote on talking to God for any suggestions.
By the way, Heaven is medicine for all.
Thank you everyone for all the time and effort to make this Heaven be complete.
Heavenletters to Diane and Karen:
Thank you both for all your boosts. Yes, and let's hear what else God has to say. Meanwhile, will you two send in your top choices?
Linda M. to Heavenletters:
Hello! I loved Bev's recent letter to Heaven and also God's reply. It was one of my favorites and would be a good entry for publication. It touched my heart immediately.
I think the book is a wonderful idea, and go for it with all your heart!
Bev to Heavenletters:
Yesterday's Heaven was so beautiful. I will need to read it many more times to digest it. Wow! I guess I am getting my direction for what I can do for Heaven. I'm not sure exactly what direction that is…but there is something for me to do for sure! This is so incredible. I felt my life changed because I got a computer at home. But that is nothing compared to this beautiful Heavenletter. I don't think I can take any more. I'll jump on my bike and ride into the sunset to integrate this!
Thank you so much. Much love.
God to Bev:
Yes, ride into the sunset where I am.