Kasie to Heavenletters:
Gloria, I know you have been wondering about me and I want you to know that I am doing very well. I have been here silently and happily receiving blessings all along. There is a piece of understanding missing, and I felt like God wanted the answer to come through Heaven letters. I don't know if and when I'll send another question, but I promise you that I won't hesitate if it feels like this is how He wants to answer. I love Heaven Letters! My love and blessings to you always.
Kasie to God:
Dear God, my children have the same kind of father Abby described in the April 17 Heavenletter.
My children's father doesn't even seem to mind when his new wife says cold and hurtful things to them and so I have a hard time imagining that he really does love his children. It seems more likely to me that he avoids feeling much of anything.
This hasn't been easy for me to forgive, Father, as I'm sure You know since I've asked You to help me with this so many times now. I am so grateful to You for the peace that You've given me and I ask You to help me surrender completely.
But I do have a question, Father. Will you speak about love and responsibility as it relates to parenting?
When my children were born, I felt that I was given a sacred trust to love and care for these beautiful souls.
But sometimes I felt like I had to be both mother and father. I probably over-compensated because they were given so little from their father. It seems so much better for a child to know that he/she is loved. Part of me knows that it is OK for these fathers to be who they are, but when children are hurt by their indifference, I have a hard time understanding. I guess that these fathers are probably doing the best they can, feeble as it is.
Finally, now, I know that for my part I should have turned them all over to You (children and father) every minute of the day and You would have found a way to fill them with the love they needed, but in my ignorance I felt so alone. Late as it is, I give them to You now.
By the way, today (April 18) is my birthday, and I thank You for it! It is a magical day.
I am enjoying this life so much! What an amazingly rich and fulfilling journey it is finding my way back to You.
God to Kasie:
Hello, Kasie.
Thank you for coming back to Me and for giving your children and former husband to Me as well. And a happy belated birthday, although We, you and I and all of Heaven, did celebrate your birth. The celebration echoes.
You really know the answer to your question. Yes, give over to Me.
It is very hard when others do not live up to your idea of what they should be. Your idea of what they should be may be the world's idea. It most likely is because you have been indoctrinated.
If you lived in a society where it was expected that fathers would not involve themselves in their children's lives, where there were not supposed to, then your husband's apparent indifference would not have been upsetting. You would have expected and accepted that.
Indeed in a culture where fathers were expected to be distant, and if your husband gave much attention to his children, you would have been distressed by that.
Putting that aside, it is an impossible task to get another to do and say and be as you think they should. No one can stand it. You could not either if your husband wanted you to be a different kind of mother, wanted you to be something that somehow for some reason you aren't. No one can stand having someone from the outside try to improve them. And that goes on all the time, even though it doesn't work.
It is also an impossible task to make up for what someone else does or doesn't do. The intention of making up to your children for their father's lack is tantamount to feeling sorry for your children. Feeling sorry for them makes them feel deprived. Never feel sorry for your children. Never feel sorry for anyone. Never feel sorry for anyone because feeling sorry is judgment.
The truth is, as you know now, there is a true Father, and your children cannot be deprived. Only as you think so can they be. But not even then can they be. This is hard to understand and accept, I know.
But you can accept this: it is better to go on in life with what you have. Better to put attention on all that you have and move on from there rather than to get stuck in what isn't in your children's lives.
You can always compare up and down. Some other children have two loving parents. Some other children have none.
As for untoward remarks from their stepmother, I am sorry that she would be unkind. Your children can deal with that themselves far better than you. Isn't that so?
The love and responsibility of a parent is to nurture the children and let them be. The letting them be has been neglected. Let them find out who they are. Stay out of their way. Don't get in their way. Do not supervise much. In other words, let go of control.
How do you let a seed grow and a flower bloom? Give it water, love it, and leave it alone. You don't tell it how to blossom or when or what color to be or what flower to be. You let it be whatever it is, and be happy with it. Don't try to be a perfect parent, and don't make your children have to be perfect either.
Treat your child as a wonderful guest in your home.
Before you start beating yourself up, dear Kasie, know that your children's beautiful souls were entrusted to you, just as you thought, and I make no mistakes. Your beautiful soul took care of them. Life unfolds as it unfolds. It is seldom considered perfect.
But there are two levels of life that go on. One imperfect. One perfect.
Clearly not one thread of the past can be altered. I say further: why even think it should be? It led you to where you are now, and that is very good. Look at the beauty around you. Look at the beauty you create. What is there to forgive, My dearest Kasie?