Sandra to God:
Dearest God, I am asking for your help. The last years in my life have been filled with the intensity of my husband David's illness, and he was my main focus of attention and love. Since his death in February, I have experienced so many emotions — despair, grief, doubt, and many dream-like days. Some days I couldn't get out of bed. I still have little energy, but I am finding that I am not talking to him as often in my mind, and longer periods of time are going by without my thinking of him. I don't feel his presence near me, and he seems really far away. This has made me feel guilty and disloyal to him and his love.
What can You tell me, God? How is David and how does he regard my thinking of him less? I miss him so much. Please tell me something uplifting. Thank you.
Trying to be in truth, Sandra
God to Sandra:
Beloved Sandra, David is just fine, and He is with me, and he is moving on in his life here, as must you in your life there. He wants you to release him, Sandra. Letting go has naught to do with love. You don't love him more by holding on. He doesn't love you less by moving on. It is not heartless to let go of what must be let go of.
What if, Sandra, David were on a trip for a week? Would you make your life stop for the time he is on his trip? What if he were away for a year? Or two? Would you serve him well by not allowing yourself to get along without him? What would David want you to do, dear Sandra?
David has taken a journey. You will join him later.
His body will not return to earth. His spirit lives.
David wants you to be happy. When did he ever not?
The rose blooms. And the rose fades, and you do not feel guilty. You don't feel bad when you must remove the rose from the vase.
You will never forget David, Sandra, any more than he will forget you. But you can let him go. Free him to Me, Sandra. Free yourself to Me as well.
Would you rather have people around you who choose happiness or sorrow? Who choose going forward or holding on to the past? If you cannot be happy for yourself right now, then be happy for David's sake. Right now you can make a choice for happiness. Just choose it. Choose life, Sandra, not existence.
Sandra, I am not telling you not to grieve. I am telling you not to hold on to grief. I am telling you that needing is not the same as love. Needing is needing. Love is freeing.
Rescue yourself from gloom. Give up suffering. It is self-centered, dear Sandra. It is not for David. It is melodrama. It is soap opera. It is a learned response. Your suffering makes you feel better. Perhaps you are getting back at Me, for I do not like to see you unhappy. I desire your happiness. All who know you desire it. Why don't you give the rest of us some happiness?
Make a shrine for David of happiness. Let him know that he gave you so much love that you will carry it with you always. Make a shrine for David out of your life, not out of your missing him.
Your pain at David's death can make you a greater person, Sandra. Or you can lock yourself up with it. You can stop the clock.
I think you will choose life.
Take baby steps. Do not ask too much of yourself.
Say, "God, I am miserable. I don't know if I can forgive You for taking David away from me. Help me to forgive You. Help me to know Your love and to know mine for You. Help me to give David to You. Please help me give myself to You. Help me to release myself to the joy only You can give. Help me to stop thinking of myself. Help me to stop trying to make things the way I think they should be. Help me to be grateful for what You have given me. Help me to be grateful for My life. Help me to be grateful that David is no longer suffering. Help me to be grateful that You have taken him to your heart. Help me to be grateful that I am still alive. Help me to take the gift of life and do something with it. Help me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Help me to mourn David graciously. Help me to stop beating myself up. Help me to not be hard on You, dear God, for I have made it hard for you to please me. Help me to make it easier for You. Help me to consider You more and what I want less. Help me to uplift someone else. Help me to be all You have given me to be. Help me serve You and ease the suffering of others in the world. Help me know my oneness and that I am not alone.
"Will You tell me what to do now, dear God? Will You tell me, please, how I can best serve You now? What would You like me to do?
"Help me to stop crying. Help me to smile for David's sake and for Yours, dear Father. Help me to wash the dishes of my life and put them away. Help me to prepare another meal. Help me to get through this. Help me to change. Help me to let go of controlling. Help me to wake up. Help me to give more and accept more.
"Help me mourn David but not bemoan my loss. Help me leave my habit of suffering. Help me to free those I love, whether in Heaven or on earth. Help me to bow down to You in love and gratitude. Help me to know Your peace. Please give me some sign that I am redeemable and that I am worthy of Your love."
Sandra, I remove your heart of suffering and replace it with a heart amenable to life. You have held grief for a long time, and it is long enough. I do not mean specific to your husband's death. I mean the grief that you have held all your life. David is helping you let it go once and for all. David loves you so much, and he looks on you. Look up at him and Me. Look up at Heaven. David is here, and I am here. Heaven exists. I exist. You are allowed to be happy. Accept your allowance.
Change the pictures in your mind. Replace them, for I have given you a new heart for living life on earth.
Talk to Me, Sandra. Talk to Me every day. Write Me if you like. Write to David. This is the time of your renewal, My beloved child. Look up at Me, and I will dry your tears. Do not forget that you are My beloved child. I have not forsaken you. Do not forsake Me, for you are My beloved, and I yearn for you.
* * *
Nancy L. to Gloria:
Thanks for sharing that beautiful Birthday celebrated by the Angels. Love, Nancy L.
Julie to Gloria:
Whoa! What a birthday party! How utterly wonderful. What an amazing experience! I would have wanted to celebrate God's gifting of you to the world — isn't that a grand way to look at our birthdays?
Thank you so much for including that in Heaven. There is so much more than what we see! I will open myself up to more of God's grace and beauty.
Diane to Gloria:
Thank you for sharing your birthday party April 12. My heart opened, and tears came as I read your beautiful experience.
Gloria to Nancy, Julie, and Diane:
That must happen to all of us on our birthdays. I cannot imagine it any other way.
God:
What happens to one happens to all. I have no favorites. All are My favorites. All are favored. No one is overlooked. If only My children could accept that.