Diane to God:
Dear God, I feel lost or stuck.
I have experienced my biggest fear of the physical death of a child and have done more than survive it. I have grown, expanded, blossomed, turned my attention to You.
I did a sermon on only good can happen. My fears are at an all-time low. My relationships with my children, my husband, my friends, You — all feel in a good place.
But I wake up in the morning and I am tired and just want to keep sleeping. I feel like I should be jumping out of bed full of joy and excitement to meet the new day. I enjoy the things I do, but when I finish something there is a space where I could just be indefinitely doing nothing. Is this neutral? I am not sure I like it.
I would appreciate Your insight.
God to Diane:
My blessed Diane.
The truth is: you are not stuck.
Unstick your thinking, and you will not feel stuck.
You have the idea that it is good to leap out of bed and that it is, perhaps…well…immoral to want to linger there.
You have the idea that doing is worthy and just being is not admirable. You have the idea that cleared time-space needs to be filled and labeled. That doing is productive and not doing is unproductive. That accomplishing is superb, and idleness improper.
Consider your life as in seasons.
In winter you do not berate a tulip bulb because it stays in the ground unbloomed. Is not the gestation time of a seed also honored? Is it not noble? Do you expect flowers to bloom non-stop? Do you think less of them as buds than as full blossoms?
Honor rest, Diane.
When was the last time you slept late? Or went back to bed? Or went to bed really early?
Make your task now to give your mind and body rest. God not only gives you permission; God insists. Your task right now is to get all the rest you need or want. Let your body catch up to you.
You are growing fast, and rest allows your growth to settle.
Accept what comes.
You surrendered to Molly's passage.
Now surrender to your own journey on earth.
The land is made of crests and troughs. It is not all mountain-tops. And when you are at a mountain-top, it's good to sit there and observe, catch your breath, before you find another mountain to climb.
The mountain peaks will come to you, Diane.
You do not have to hustle.
You could say that neutrality is a kind of idleness. The engine isn't revving. It idles a while before it gears up. And when the engine is moving, it doesn't roar at this sight or that; it quietly goes along, enjoying, not minding whatever comes.
Neutrality is pure love. Not the love in action that you are so familiar with, but love unharnessed.
Neutrality isn't excitement.
It doesn't try to prove anything.
It is like clear crystal.
It isn't fancy.
It isn't gaudy.
It may be unnoticeable.
Neutrality isn't attached.
It is neutral.
Not uncaring but in a state of caringness.
Neutrality is a pause of love.
It is love essential.
It is an unfocussed focus.
It is like the earth soft in spring welcoming what will come of it.
It is like a state of readiness.
My love is neutral.
It is quiet.
It is for everyone, strongly silently there.
Love itself.
Not produced.
Powerfully poised.
In what you fear is idleness, Diane, is great power.
It is accepting My love, soaking it in, breathing it out.
Is it so bad to sit a while?
There will be many knocks at your door.
Just be there for them.
You don't have to put a sign out.
You don't have to declare.
You just have to be.
* * *
Johanna to Heavenletters:
I've been stressing myself out for the last few weeks for really no reason. I just have been running into obstacles…that I need to learn…so I just need to let go…and let God handle it…
Last night I was talking to God…and I asked what I need to do to make my life easier, and He replied: "Have no expectations."
It was such a little sentence… but it changed everything.