Margaret to God:
Dear God, after Your wonderful response to my most recent questions, I decided to notice only the positive with my son for a while, first for 24 hours, if I could, and then for a week, and then we will see. I'm about three days into it, and it has made a HUGE difference for ME. I have begun to see my values and styles of functioning as optional, not mandatory even for me, let alone for my son. He will find his way, with Your help. Since I don't really know where it is that he is trying to find his way to, I need to keep my mouth shut more. Our relationship is softening a little.
Thank You so much for Your compassionate guidance and love.
Much love.
Abby to Heavenletters:
Hello, Gloria, I'm Abby, Margaret's daughter. I am a freshman at college in New York City. I would muchly appreciate it if you would send my subscription to this address. Thanks very much!
Abby to God:
Dear God, there is so much that constantly troubles me. I often realize that I spend much of my time trying to be someone else. I subconsciously ask myself "What would so-and-so do?" as if I should respond to things the way someone else does and not merely in whatever way comes naturally to me.
God, I want to learn to be myself, but I am always afraid that people won't like me. In fact, I feel that I am already disliked. When I try not to worry about it and to be detached I only become bitter.
I want to stop this but I don't know how! Please help me.
God to Abby:
Dear Abby, that you can perceive in the way you do in order to write such a letter, and to write such a letter to Me, tells me how clear you are and true.
Your question is everyone's question. Who am I? Where do I belong? How do I fit in? How do I reconcile who I am with society and what society seems to expect of me? I want to be happy and I want to be liked. How do I do it?
Abby, people go their whole lives and never look at this question. And you, at the beginning of your life on your own, are looking at it square in the face.
Much of life, as most know it, has been a lot about pleasing people, giving them what they want. Like your teachers. Fitting in. Going for a grade or something out there that may or may not be true to yourself. Wanting to be popular. Wanting to matter, to count, be noticed favorably. Wanting to please while wanting to be yourself. And as you so well express, wanting to learn to be yourself.
How to balance all this? You don't want to become a revolutionary. You don't want to disregard others' feelings. You don't want to be selfish. You don't want to be an iconoclast. You don't want to be like everyone else, and you don't want to be too different either.
Here's the thing, Abby: All are just alike! Some deny the question you so beautifully ask, but everyone has it. Everyone wants to be true to themselves and be happy in the world. Everyone wants to be liked and noticed favorably. Everyone wants to express their truth as well, if they only knew what it was.
It doesn't matter what age a person is. An older working person might ask the same question this way: I have this job, and I have to conform, and I feel like I'm losing myself here, agreeing where I don't, playing a game, and I want real life. What am I doing here? What is it for?
Many would say that you have to compromise. I don't favor the word compromise. It secretes a certain dishonesty or unwilling concession, taking a pay-cut as it were when you deserve more.
Somehow you want to find a way to make decisions, not compromises.
As you and I will be working together, a lot of your quandary will take care of itself.
Here's what you do now:
Write down as fast as you can what you do like about yourself, Abby. Write a lot. Every little thing. I told Lauren to do this same thing. When you have your list of twenty or more things, pick out the three or four that mean the most to you, and write down why.
This will be a giant step forward in knowing who you are and what matters to you.
Ask yourself sometime what would you truly like to be doing more of now?
You are not a fixed category, Abby. You are growing and changing. You don't have to hold fast. It is all right for you to experiment. If there is someone you truly admire, it's fine to ask yourself what might they do in a particular situation. You are not completed yet, Abby. My children never are. They are always growing. So long as you are on earth, you will not be a finished product. But you can know who you are at a particular moment. And you can know that you are always My child.
Start collecting in your mind examples of what someone has done and said that you would like to be able to do. Do they speak up, or keep quiet? Do they make eye contact? Observe.
In a given situation, take a second to ask yourself what would please you? What is your truth in this moment? Do you want to go to that movie? Would you rather take a walk by yourself?
If you were with a friend, you would ask your friend how they feel about something and what they would like to do. Ask yourself. Maybe you know, and maybe you don't, but you at least will be considerate enough to ask yourself.
Look to notice yourself being well-received. In fact, there is no reason why you shouldn't be met with favor. Look for it. Concern yourself more with those you like. When someone seems displeased, how do you feel about them?
If someone you like seems to be turning away from you, ask them if it's so, and if it's so, say that you feel bad, and you want them to know that you appreciate them. If they have felt offended in some way, tell them you weren't aware and would never have wanted to offend them. Wait and see how your compassionate honesty opens up others' hearts.
Your friends are struggling for their identity as are you.
As people grow, I have observed that they grow more in compassion and acceptance rather than in exclusivity.
Be kind to others, Abby, as you are, and be kind to yourself.
Tremendous opportunities are unfolding themselves before your very eyes.
I love you, Abby, and I am supremely proud of you.
If you would like to make your questions to Me more specific, please do so. If you have an account of a incident that you would like clarified, please ask. If you want to know more about romantic relationships, ask. Ask Me.
Everyone reading this today relates very much to what you have asked, and they are grateful to you for posing the question. Heavenreaders already love you for being who you are. You will have a lot more of that love coming to you, Abby.