God to Margaret:
My beloved daughter, would you share your most recent letter to Heaven with your son? Can you leave it around for him? Or forward it to him on the computer? Or tell him, whatever he does, NOT to read it?! Don't give him My answer yet. Let him ask You for My answer if he wants it. And not your letters given to him for discussion, just for him to read.
No one could read your open honest letters without melting with love for you. I think your recent letters would crush your son's heart with love.
Yesterday I mentioned how you were so much alike. Now I will mention some ways you may not have thought of. You are both fighters. Two little battling roosters wanting life to go their way. Each of you runs head-on into the fray of life, a little bit with your fists up.
You are both clear. Having the other to battle makes you clear. Give yourself credit, Margaret, for helping your son to know who he is and what matters to him. His identity matters to him. His freedom. His own initiative. His self-direction.
I wonder, Margaret, if you could write a letter to your son, telling him you want to be the mother who can let him be free. Tell him you don't know how to. If he were you, how would he do it?
I suggest writing because the written word does not put pressure on the receiver. In person-to-person, defenses step in whereas a letter can be read in private, and reread. An initial response to it has time to soften.
In your mind, Margaret, instead of your task being to keep your son free from drugs etc., your task is to help him feel good about himself.
Leave him little notes in the cookie jar. Tell him in these notes whatever you can truly tell him from the goodness of your heart.
"I am glad you're home."
"I love it when you ask me to help you with your homework."
"Since all the supervision you were supposed to have didn't come about, it suggests to me that maybe that's not what you needed."
"You've got a great smile."
"What could I do today that would make you happy?"
Surprise him with your playfulness.
Ask your son to design a report card for you! What might the categories be? Start it for him.
My Mother's Daily Report Card:
She kept quiet.
Didn't give advice.
Didn't worry about me.
Smiled.
Laughed.
Surprised me.
Looked pleased.
Gave me freedom.
Enjoyed her life.
Margaret, enjoy your son. Don't be a parent. Be there for him. Have the intent that your son be happy. Do everything you know to help him be happy. You can't do it for him, but you can make the climate.
This is not the same advice I would necessarily give to everyone. You have over-parented, so now you want to under-parent. In your mind. I am not telling you to abdicate responsibility. I am telling you to shift your concept a little.
The concept of parenting is most often control, judgment, strictness, rules, boundaries.
You will be a lover, a God-agent, sent to be there for your son, as a friend, as a guide when asked, and, yes, as the mother you are who loves her son more than anyone else in the world loves him.
You know what happens to unasked-for advice. It is discarded. Give your dear son every opportunity to come to you. Give him enough leeway that he will want to hear your advice. Let him ask for it. And he will. He knows he doesn't know everything, no matter how he portrays himself.
Neither one of you was the other's ideal. And yet you were assigned to one another. And now you, Margaret, are open to the idea that you have a lot to learn from your son. This is a wonderful place for you to be in, dear Margaret.
Your son is not more important than you are. His needs are not more important than yours. You are sifting what are his needs and what are yours. And you are finding that his need for freedom is greater than your need to control i.e. to be a good parent as you have understood it — and that his needs are more honorable, and more effective.
Forget about leverage. That's not what you want. Forget about force. That is not what mothering is about.
Respecting your son's autonomy is not kowtowing either. It is respecting.
Every day silently give Me your son to love and lead.
Have trust in Me, your son, and yourself, Margaret. Ask Me for it.
You will never be irresponsible. Your definition of responsibility is changing.
Nothing that happens is the end of the world. You already know that, dear Margaret. Life has taught you that.
You do not need to hold life up. You do not need to hold yourself up. You do not need to hold your son up. You do not need to hold up anything.
Dance in life, Margaret. Don't ask too much of yourself.
Desire what you desire. Try not to judge what you desire or if it is enough or not enough. Just desire. Find your desire, and just let it out. Is it possible you mix up desire and demand? A little? Desire is soft. Easy desire, Margaret.
Much of life is a spiraling, Margaret, so, yes, there is much going around and round to deeper and deeper levels. You are permanently connected to Me. You will experience that more and more. And know that, with every depth you go to, you rise to a higher heighth. Momentum.
Bless you for your honesty. Write to Me more often. Write to Me tomorrow.