Sandra wrote the following before she saw yesterday's question and answer. — Gloria
Sandra to God:
Dear God, I have lost my beautiful beloved husband David. I do not feel Your presence, God. I do not feel David's presence. Is he with You?
God:
Yes, David is with Me, safe and happy.
Sandra, do not expect yourself to feel much of anything just yet. You feel wounded and are stunned. Being stunned means that you put yourself on hold for a while. It is your defense to keep your feelings, which you see as overwhelming, at bay. It's usually hard to keep selected feelings out and let others in. Wait a while. Be kind to yourself. Some of this stun will go, and you will feel more awareness.
But remember that you do not have to. Let the awareness come to you. Be open to it, but not have to have it.
What you notice or do not notice does not affect David. It does not change anything. It is your perception alone. What is is. David is here with Me, whether you feel that or not. If you felt it, it does not make it more so. That you do not feel it now does not make it less.
David and I are with you as well, whether your individuality perceives it or not.
Do not ask for proof, dear Sandra.
Your woundedness will heal. You will go on. You will have happiness. You cannot demand or expect where or how.
Whatever despair you feel, it is not true, Sandra.
Grief is an expression of ignorance. It is not a holy thing.
You were a beautiful experience in David's life, as he was in yours. The essence of that experience continues, Sandra.
You are loved, and you love.
Do not ask too much of yourself or anyone else right now. Just be, Sandra. Just be Sandra. And your heart of love will open to life once again. You still have everything you ever had. Only the physical has changed. I say only, but to you right now, that is everything.
Yet a part of you knows that what I say is true.
You have not been abandoned. Not by Me, not by David. And, you, Sandra, I uphold you to not turn away from life and love. Give Me a chance.
Judith to Gloria:
The transcriptions of God's messages are very helpful to me. They are my favorite letters in my e-mail, and I look for them with excitement and anticipation. I have many questions, but I will wait to ask them one at a time after God has had a chance to respond to each one.
Heaven has found a VERY dear place in my heart. Perhaps my heart IS beginning to crack open… Thanks.
Judith to God:
This morning in my meditation I asked that I be with You. I do not ordinarily think about You when I meditate. This morning I allowed my attention to relax into my heart because that is where You said You can be found. My meditation felt deeper, but my heart remained its old self — bound up.
Previously, I have had brief, but powerful experiences of my heart cracking open — even if just a crack. These few times were not intentional, but by surprise and not in meditation.
After my meditation, a lot of sadness came up about my mother. I wonder if it is this sadness, hurt, anger etc. that is stored in the heart that prevent it from opening up?
God to Judith:
Yes and no. Beloved, in one sense, sadness, hurt, and anger are all excuses. There is a sense that those emotions somehow make you strong. Look what you have gone through and still you have come up on the other side! Those emotions dwell in the past. When they occupy your thoughts, it is picking at an old wound and re-enlivening it.
On the other hand, all the old stuffing is precisely what keeps your heart fearful of opening. It is the fear, Judith, more than the contents.
There are two sides to every coin. The other side of sadness, hurt, anger and so on is love. That side of the coin opens the heart and lets all the old flow out and be gone.
Let the past go. You don't need it any longer. It does not make you strong. Love makes you strong. I make you strong.
Don't concern yourself with your thoughts during meditation. Let them go as well. Don't make them go. Allow them to float away.
In your regular life, as you sense the return to sadness, offer up your thoughts and sadness to Me. Mentally hand them all over to Me. Say:
"Here, God, take these. I don't need these any longer. These thoughts and feelings do not mean that I am more of a loving person than if I didn't have them. Whose life am I living? Not my dear mother's. She had hers. I have mine. I allow my old life to go on its way, and I usher in my new. I make a ceremony here to sweep out the past. I make a tryst with You, and now I send an invitation to the new. The new will accept my invitation. I will leave the door open for it.
"I won't concern myself with this too much, because I do not want to make my new life self-conscious. My new life is I, Judith, myself, free of the past. I take off that past like a heavy winter coat, and I see how I don't need that darkness for anything any longer."
Judith, if you choose, you can remain in the past. It is up to you. Choose as you like. And be easy with your choice. In one moment, you can make a choice. And then you can let what you want come. You don't force it. You don't egg it on. You simply allow it.
You have one choice to make, and then it is made. Then it is easy to choose whatever else comes because you have made the main choice.
You and Sandra are both mourning. Yours is more distant, further removed, at another stage, you would say. It is not denying your love for your mother to let go of the pain. You don't need to rekindle it to be a good loyal daughter.
Be where you are now, and let go of past virtue. Walk into new light. I am here.
* * *
Bev to Gloria:
God's tone was so sweet and gentle in yesterday's Heavenletter about Sandra's David's passing. So full of compassion. It's reverberating through me.
Much XOXOXOX