The following was written before Judy received God's other Heavenletter. — Gloria
Judy to Gloria:
Dear Gloria, the letter from Bev about her mother is one I could have written myself last year. God's response astounds me. I wish I had this counsel when I so desperately needed it.
Now, I need to give myself the freedom to "not be perfect". I had no experience with someone this close to me dying and had no idea what to expect. I too, thought I could surround her with light and love. How much I tried to make her happy. How hollow I felt inside when I failed. How I felt the energy get "sucked out of me" and how much I tried to protect myself and my daughter from my mother's deep negativity.
God's letter will take some contemplation. How to let someone die their own way — angry, bitter, complaining — and love them anyway?
I was wrong to think that the help my mom wanted was to be uplifted. I didn't realize that she wanted to have the freedom to die any old way she pleased. I just feel sorrowful about the way my mom died and spent her last months with me. I wanted us to be close and share precious time together. Instead, we were both anxious and uncertain, each trying to make it better for the other in our own clumsy ways, but failing to do so.
Bev is lucky she has her brother and sister with her. It is not a solitary task, as in my case.
I think that what bothers me about my mom's passing is that I feel like a failure. All this time I thought I felt like a failure because I could not ease the way for her.
Now I realize that the reason is because I did not recognize what it was she was asking of me.
God to Judy:
She may not have known what she wanted of you.
My children are learning to not try to control. That means to let be. Not to resist. To be neutral. Not to be so affected by another and also not to so affect another. Freedom. Freewheeling love, Judith. Pure love that does not attach and does not expect. Love that is. No trying with this. Acceptance. Letting go. Letting love be.
Love does not have to look a certain way for it to be love. You don't need to try to be loving, or loving a certain way, for you are love. You are My love in a human form. Just don't bottle up the love. Don't restrict it. Don't constrict it.
Regretting is not love. Regretting comes from not having achieved your standards. And where did your standards come from? Not from Me. What are standards? Why, they are judgment.
Do you see how, earlier you felt like a failure with your mother because you did not know how to ease her heart, and now you feel like a failure because you didn't know NOT to try to ease her heart? My dear Judith, My beloved Judith, must a child of Mine feel she is a failure for any reason or no reason?
All you know is that your mother did not appear happy during her last months. And you make yourself responsible for that, one way or another. You didn't do enough, or you did too much, or…you will find a reason to blame yourself when, in truth, you are not responsible for another's happiness. It is an impossible task. Let go of the idea that you are responsible for another. Give yourself happiness.
Now you are thinking that you have a young daughter, and isn't it your responsibility to make her happy? It is your responsibility to set a climate which makes it easy and sensible for her to accept happiness. Give her enough freedom and enough attention. Be of happiness yourself, and your daughter will know of joy. Teach her joy, not duty. Teach her freedom, and not duty. And don't worry much about it. Don't think too much about it. Enjoy her, dear Judith.
Be as kind to yourself as you are to your daughter. Be as kind to yourself as I am to you.
Of course, I am not being kind. Kind isn't really My word. It is just that I see truth. I see the beauty in everything. When I am so full of love as I am with you, what else is there for Me to see but your beauty?
Now, I would like you to see your own beautifulness.
I would like you to let yourself off the hook.
Pretend that you just arrived on this planet today. You are a new visitor. All the past is gone. Past hurt, past lessons, past ideas, all, are passed over to Me. You are so freed of past and so free in the present that you are almost without physical form. You are the essence of My beauty and love, and that is the truth of what you are, Judith.
Your mother is in My care. She always was. As you are in My care. My care is My love, for I have not a care in the world. I have love in the world. I have peace and joy and trust. My platform is truth. My platform is not right or wrong, good or bad, guilt or freedom. It is pure love.
Come sit with Me and know truth. Come sit with Me and know how to forgive yourself for caring too much or not enough. Love yourself. Embrace Me, Judith, My beloved, My truth.
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Lucile to Gloria:
I am so pleased with the Heavenletters. I look forward to reading the messages each day. There are always things that I relate to personally.
Please sign me up for a year's subscription and I will send you my check via snail mail.
Nancy O. and I became friends when she was at aour local college and started attending my church. We became close as we studied together in a class there and then at a study group she held at her home. I cherish her friendship.
Thanks for being a channel through which God may speak to us.
God to Lucile:
Welcome. Welcome. Well come.
Bev to Gloria:
Boy, that thing God said to me about judgment was DEEP! It felt like it went back through all my lifetimes. It felt like it freed me up from things that I wasn't even conscious of.
I can always tell when there is something I need to hear because my first impression is to resist or get angry. Then, when I let go, there's a powerful release.