Caroline to Gloria:
January 19's Heaven is wonderful. I love the idea of just ladling soup! It makes everything so much simpler; just to pass on God's love and not worry about grand schemes or what important things we SHOULD be doing if we could only figure it out! Just that it's most important to pass on God's love to everyone we meet. I hope I can remember this, because it is so satisfying and takes off a lot of pressure!
Heavenletters are amazing. They are so cleansing, and, after reading them for awhile, I feel like I have been handling shining gems — or seeing gorgeous fireworks! — in my mind and heart. I don't know if that explains what I feel very well, but it's the closest I've been able to come so far.
I am forming a question for God about why I feel I must work so hard. But I don't really mind working hard. I'm not sure what the question is, exactly, except that I'd like to have more time for spiritual and creative pursuits and to share them with my children. Although I can see progress in that direction, I feel like I'm ready to move FASTER, but time is so short!
Gloria, I need to go to the grocery store now, but wanted to say hello and let you know I'm still here! Best wishes with the web site; I'll go through my favorites to pull some out. There are so many.
God to Caroline:
There remains in My children this aspect in which they feel they need to get ready for Me, prepare for Me, get dressed up for Me, shine their shoes for Me, be spectacular for Me — when all you have to do is turn to Me.
It is fine to ask unformed questions of Me. Ask Me directly. I will help you form your question. No need to wait until you are clearer to ask Me. Ask Me to tell you what is in your heart. Ask Me what it is for you to learn now. Who is there better to ask? Who is there better to help?
Never feel you are bothering Me. You are what I want. Hold My hand freely. I am the One Who will never take advantage of you. My heart is set on you and your reaching Heaven. I don't need you in Heaven. I have as much of you right now as I ever will, for I have all of you. It is you who needs Me. You need awareness of Me. My yearning for you is your yearning for Me. And, so, you are the one who can fulfill My yearning.
We drink from the same cup.
You feel you must work so hard because you have been taught that. You have been taught, like Gloria, that you are to be everything to everyone. I am the only one who can succeed in that. Those who taught you that did not achieve it either.
You work a full-time job. You have a husband, home, and three children to take care of. And yourself. And yourself.
It is not so much more time that you need, dear Caroline, but to not always serve yourself last. Like Gloria, you think you owe. What is this exactly that you owe? What is it you are paying back? Or are you on a treadmill?
Even if you did not work, you would be in the same spot, dear Caroline. That sense of owing, that sense of not doing enough, that sense of always having to give more would still be with you. What if you could give more by giving less?
The more fulfilled you are, the more fulfilled will your family be.
Give them opportunities to help you more. Do you feel it is on you all the time to fill others' needs? If you feel you have to do more and more for them, they may wonder if they are adequate. If they were adequate, why would you keep feeling they need more? If you, their wife and mother, are not important to the universe, how important can they be?
It is your sense of guilt, no matter how mild, that is the factor here, Caroline.
Mind you, I am aware that you have to do a lot of juggling. But you cannot always put yourself last. When do you put yourself first? When do your needs and wants come to the front?
It is hard for My children to discern between selfish and unselfish. But that is like choosing between right and wrong. Right and wrong are what you have been taught. Selfish and unselfish are what you have been taught as well, and mostly you have been taught ill.
No one succeeds in being perfect in world terms. Not a one. Ego drives you to achieve perfection. It is not My Will that you wear yourself out. It is not My Will that you always come up short in your self-estimation.
There is much you will do for your family and with joy, for that is how you are, Caroline. You don't have to worry about not doing enough.
Consider that there is a fifth member of your family. Consider yourself as part of your family, and give yourself a share of your attention as well. Don't skip over yourself. Even if you have to count it out for a while, then count it out. Every fifth time, put yourself first. Not every tenth time or twentieth! Fifth! Honor your own greatness, Caroline. Honor your debt to yourself. Do you deserve? How much lighter you will feel when you know you do.
Trust in Me to guide your family.
If you feel you are ready to move faster, you are ready to move faster. Now I might change faster to clearer. When you are clear, you move faster.