Nancy L. to Gloria:
Dear Gloria, Molly's celebration was wonderful and healing. Many people came. Cars lined the road and were parked all around the driveway and into the field. There were a few shuttle cars and a golf cart that took older people to the meadow where the service was.
We gathered around the Magnolia tree that had been planted at Molly's first birthday. A circle of white stones surrounded the tree, and then a circle of people. Two couples played music softly. They played bluegrass tunes on guitar, banjo, string base and flute.
It was also in this meadow that Diane and Rod were married.
Tina did a Native American Ceremony calling in the four directions and explaining the significance of their influence in our lives. Another friend had a bowl that, when you rub the rim, it plays a tune, and she did that. The rest of us picked up a stone and placed it in the circle.
Diane read something that she had prepared saying about how Molly had been sick so often that she thought she would be all right this time. She told about the hospital and how peacefully Molly had died.
Then, with so many tear-filled faces, I told a fun story about Molly. I was over one night when the children were in bed. Gabe and Bo are only a year or two older than Molly. First Gabe came down and said, "Molly called me Fart-face!" Diane told him to go back to sleep. Then Bo came down, the same thing. And then Gabe again. And Bo again. Diane asked them where Molly had learned that language. And Bo said, "From me."
There was Molly, lying in her bed, like any other child, having a good time teasing her brothers.
Then I read Diane's questions to God in Heavenletters and His answers. People thanked me for reading it. I gave out copies. It had also been sent to Diane's mom in Ohio. Interestingly, during the time of the ceremony she had heard a tinkling sound of bells and couldn't figure out what it was until Diane read her the Heavenletter.
Diane's older sons (she has five boys) were all there crying a lot. Diane's ex-husband came to lend support.
After the reception at my house, Diane, Rod and I went back to the meadow. I took pictures of the tree with all the flowers, candles and stones around it.
Nancy L. continues:
Dear Gloria, I am having a lot of trouble with resentment. Since I believe that we are all One, I guess the resentment must be directed towards myself, so here is a question for God. It concerns another Heavenreader, and I don't know if this should go out to everyone, but whatever God thinks is appropriate will be ok with me. I trust Him.
Nancy L. to God:
Dear God, I am having trouble with resentment towards Tina. Tina emailed me and asked me to do several things regarding Molly's Celebration of Life Ceremony. I feel she tries to control me. I had a great deal to do to get ready for the day, and I didn't need her suggestions. I know she is in my life as my teacher, but perhaps there is something that I am also teaching her. I want to feel love for her, but I do not at this moment. Please help me with this.
Nancy L. to Gloria (before God answered):
Dear Gloria, after I sent you that thing about resentment, Diane called, and I told her what I had written to you. Later, Tina called to tell me about Diane's mother hearing the bell sound. I told Tina I was feeling resentful towards her not only for telling me what to do but also because she didn't take off her shoes in our house. There were lots of people here that did not know to do that, and we can forgive them, but she knew how we felt and kept hers on. It was a rainy muddy day, and there was mud all over our pale carpet. Fortunately, most of it came out, but I felt Tina's leaving her shoes on was like saying "f-- you" to us.
Anyway, I already feel a little better having told Diane and Tina how I felt. Diane said it was important that I be honest, and Tina said, "Thank you for sharing." So the edge of it has already left me, but I would like to know God's response.
Thank you so much for all God's beautiful messages. They uplift us so.
God to Nancy L.:
Dear Nancy, the stirring of the pot! These little affronts pile up, and they become big. Many human things going on here.
One, dear Nancy, is that you want to be closer to Diane than you feel you are. It is almost like a sibling situation. You fear Tina gets in the way of your closeness to Diane. She gets the love and attention that you would like and deserve, and then Tina seemingly takes over the arrangements for Molly's celebration and furthermore tells you, Diane's sister-in-law, what to do. And so you feel further discounted.
Is this a familiar situation to you, Nancy? Is there something here from your childhood? Was someone else favored over you?
Do you remember when one of the people where you work was getting lots of overtime, and you were not? The same thing. You felt left out. Put upon. You felt unjustly treated.
This is a recurring theme in many many, if not most, human beings. Their hearts say, "Hey, what about me?"
Tina has not intention of controlling you. She is trying to make life right, make things come out right, but that, of course, is control. Oh, my, all these little controllers running around the surface of the earth! And you, too, dear Nancy, are one of them.
But no one needs to control you, dear Nancy. You are a giving, generous-hearted person. No one needs to tell you what to do. No one needs to tell anyone what to do.
Because this issue goes deeper than what Tina asks, it is all the harder for you to express yourself. If this were not such an issue for you, you could say to Tina: "Hey, are you crazy? I'm having the reception at my house, and you're asking me to add blowing up balloons to my list!" And then laugh, Nancy.
And if Tina trusted life more, she would let things take care of themselves, and not feel the need to organize, for impulses from Me reach all hearts. Let Me organize.
Nancy, dear Nancy, as for your receiving enough love from the quarters where you crave it, your perceived need makes it harder for it to be given you. No one is conscious of this; no one is thinking: "Nancy feels she needs more from me." But that is communicated, nevertheless. Your needing is a control, and you are not the only one who resists control, Nancy.
When you think you need love, other people do not feel free. Love and where it goes cannot be allotted. It cannot be rationed or weighed like hamburger on a scale. It cannot be distributed.
I will tell you something else.
You can never receive enough love from human beings. I am the only One with enough love. If you were a movie star and had hordes of people lined up to express their adoration of you, you would still feel lack of love. If you had fifty loving emails a day, it would not be enough. If you received twenty bouquets of flowers a day, you would still feel starved for love. If you ate ten cakes, you would still feel hungry. Need for love on the human level cannot be filled. It is bottomless.
So what you do is change your thinking from "I need more evidence of love" to "I have all the love in the world," which, in fact, you do.
You have My love. The more you are aware of My love, the more earthly love will reach you. You will enjoy it and return it. You will initiate it and know that your heart and life are filled with My love. Nancy, there is no other.
Now, Nancy, give Tina some of My love. And stir My love bestowed on you. Stir it with your thoughts. And pour it on yourself. You are My lovely beloved. Forgive yourself your humanness, and forgive Tina hers.
I almost forgot. About taking off shoes, you do not feel confident enough about asking, and so many shoes walk over your carpet and your heart. It is all right for you to ask people to take off their shoes. "Would you mind terribly taking off your shoes? I would be so grateful."
Perhaps another time, Tina would help you with that.