Katrina to Gloria:
Dear Gloria, I am forty-five years old, and I work within the holistic health care area. I came to this through my own journey of finding answers to my own health issues, starting with rheumatoid arthritis.
I moved to the desert to recover and find a new life sober. I've been in Palm Desert for nine years now.
This last year I went through treatment and surgery for ovarian cancer. More lessons about myself and trusting God for everything. Breaking down barriers I put up to keep everyone at a safe distance. I am learning that it is okay and necessary to care for myself and not always be looking to take care of everyone around me. Letting God be in control and not me.
I have appreciated the responses from God about control because I do believe that this is what it is all about.
I am not sure about what to do right now in my life. I partly feel ready to make a change, only leaving everyone here and my family in L.A. would be difficult, so I wait for God to work in me if this is His will, not mine.
I am also a compulsive overeater, who by the grace of God is abstinent from those foods which I believe to have affected my health so much.
I have had so much healing in all areas of my life and am so grateful to have the knowledge of His love and grace. I am healed and I want to live in that reality.
Thank you for your interest in all of us out here, Gloria.
Much love and blessings to you.
Katrina to God:
Dear God, I am wondering why I have so much confused thinking around the subject of closeness to a male friend that I love.
This pattern of confusion translates into compulsive eating patterns, that even with Your strength not to give into, the thinking about food drives me crazy, and I turn to You for relief. I am grateful for all my healing and am confused about what purpose compulsive eating still has in my life.
Also a question about the physical manifestations of either my own suppressed feelings I want to bury, or, I sometimes feel I am absorbing the pain and suffering of others around me.
I believe in Your timing not mine, Lord, and if it is time for more truth to come to light, I am ready to trust You more. My love and praise to my all knowing Lord Jesus, God.
God to Katrina:
Dear Katrina, do you look for perfection in yourself? Whom are you trying to please? So many rules laid out for yourself.
You are confused about the man in your life, and he is confused about you as well. Confusion comes from wanting to make something what it is not. It may come even from the realization that someone or something isn't exactly what you had in mind and may not live up to your pre-subscribed ideas or, even, ideals. And that you also may not live up to what you had in mind of yourself, your picture of Katrina in a man/woman relationship.
Katrina, it will be good for you to remove titles or pictures from your thinking. What I mean is you have a title for closeness to a man, or a framed mental picture. And, it like, with the courser on your computer, you want to slide the actual picture of you and this man into the picture you always had in mind of you and a man.
What do you think life in the relative world is, My Katrina? It is not to make perfect or to compare to perfect.
But, you know, dear child Katrina, you can enjoy what is. You are allowed to enjoy imperfection.
And you are allowed to be imperfect.
Let life take its course.
So much attention on this villain of food. You and half the women who read Heavenletters! Food is like a demon lover. You have to have him. You don't seem to be able to be halfway with him let alone neutral. He consumes you. Day and night, he is in your mind, and no matter how much of him you have, it is not enough, and you crave more. You would swallow him all up. And then what? He only disappoints. He is never really there for you.
Somehow you have to release him, this demon-lover. Release is different from abstaining. Abstaining is hard. Release is easy.
Overeating is a big control thing. It is not being out of control, dear Katrina. It is very much in control.
What perceived lack in your life does food try to fill? Or bury?
The natural inborn act of eating has somehow become a tyrant. You attach a great deal of importance to this tyrant. You have dubbed him what he is. Food is health, and food is cause of illness. That is confusion.
Transfer your feelings of food from villain to friend. Befriend the food you eat. Stop the love/hate relationship. Think of how the food feels.
Bless the food you think of. Bless all the food you see. Give it My blessing. Bless whoever will eat it, even if it is yourself.
Will it help you when I tell you that I want you to enjoy what you eat, and you have My blessing to eat and to enjoy what you eat? I do not send you the gift of food as a test. It is meant to be a treat. Savor the treat.
One more thing. When you give too much to others and not enough to yourself, you are deplenished and do need to be replenished. When you let others eat you alive, you turn to food for the energy you have given away.
And, yes, you do pick up the feelings of others'. Their feelings and their lives are not more important than your own.
Serve Me, dear Katrina.
I placed you on earth to blossom.
Your time has come.
What makes you think of moving to a different area? What will that do? If you want to be near your family, why not be near your family? Must you deny yourself them as well as food? I do not begin to make the demands on you that you make on yourself, My beloved.
Definitely, write back to Me. We have a lot more to discuss. Have We even begun?