Bev to God:
My Dear Heavenly Father, I have been putting off asking You my question as I am a little under the weather with the flu and not thinking clearly. But I decided to go ahead and ask anyway.
I feel really stuck and full of anger and fear. As I try to surrender to you more and more, I feel my resistances come to my awareness. I am discouraged about my life and confused aboutcontinually trying to surrender more and more to You. It just seems like another thing that I can't do successfully. I fear that my life will not go in the direction that I want it to because I can't get this "right". I just want life to be easier and wonder why it seems so difficult.
God to Bev:
Now, now, there, there, My dear angel Bev, you are doing just fine. You are just where you are supposed to be. You are evolving at just the right pace. I do not ask so much of you as you ask of yourself.
You have been putting off asking Me your question because you think My answer will make life harder for you. You still see Me as an unrelenting taskmaster, this fierce retributive God, a God who whips you and tells you that you never perform well enough.
You have been hesitant to think clearly because you fear I will point out some great misdemeansors in you. To you, seeing clearly is seeing the flaws. Perhaps, to your flagging heart, you fear that what has not been accomplished never will be.
Well, Beverly, who would want to look at lack? Who would want to look at wrong? No one. But all the time you have abundance and right to look at.
You are as judgmental of yourself as you think a God of Retribution, Judgment, and Punishment must be. But I am a God of Love Who beckons you to come to Him.
Do not rate yourself on surrender to Me. You cannot force surrender on yourself, and surrender is not a race you are running.
You, Bev, have a chart in your mind, and every day you circle how much you missed the mark instead of circling the gains you have made.
I ask you, who would not feel anger and fear under those circumstances?
Bev, you have condemned yourself to climbing a mountain of ice, so slippery that not even an angel can make her way up.
You are so afraid of finding the truth which you fear is that your are unworthy. But the truth is that you are worthy! Perhaps you see yourself as the one, the only substituted child in the whole world who is not really Mine. But Whose else can you be? There are no exceptions.
Even you, Beverly, are My beloved child, and I make no mistakes. My love is assured. My delight in you is assured.
Do not run a race to please Me. Do not reach goals to pacify Me. Do not perform so you can make a check on your chart.
You see Me as a Bargainer, dear Bev. You think I say: "Do this, do that. Then I will give you this and give you that. But first, you must do this for Me, and hurry up about it."
You feel that you cannot keep on surrendering more and more to Me because your progress is never good enough. It is you who says that, not I.
Think more of Me and less of surrendering to Me. Think of what gives you joy, and you will be surrendering to Me.
Surrender is a layer. It is enough to have the intention to release all to Me. Ask Me to help you release your need to surrender to Me!
Surrender is not an urgency. You do not have a horrific deadline. You do not have to accomplish surrender, Bev. Indeed, you cannot accomplish it.
Let Me "worry" about your progress.
I am not a God Who is far, far away from you. Not a God at a great distance Who urges you on to an impossible feat. I am right there with you, enjoying you. Enjoy Me.
You are like someone ravaged and out of breath with a machete. You tear through the jungle until you wear yourself out only a few feet from the end of the jungle.
You are not in a jungle. You don't need a machete. You are on a wending path, sort of like the game board of Uncle Wiggly.
Skip your way to Me. Set yourself down and idle away more time. Don't work so hard at surrendering to Me.
Really consider that We walk hand in hand. What, then, would you be rushing to?
Look for the direction I want your life to go in.
You have been setting up check points. That is great control, My dear Bev. You have decided life with Me must be this and that, and you hold on so tight that you miss some of the sights along the way.
You are so kind and gentle with your pets. What are your demands of them? What must they do in order to be fed or to sit on your lap? What hoops do they have to jump through before you give them love?
Accept yourself as you accept your treasured friends.
I don't remember telling you to be so hard on yourself.
Your life has held its difficult aspects. Now make it easy. Let go. Let it be. You struggle with life because you wish it to follow your bidding.
Let your life be like your splendid Godwriting.
You do not say: "Today, God, must say this to me and not that." You do not say: "This is the way I have decided that Godwriting must go today. This is what I will have God say."
No, you sit and look up and wait for what I will say. You allow Me. You make room for Me.
This is what to do in your life. Move over. Let Me take the wheel. I can do it better than you. Lean back a little. Put your feet up. God is here. God is taking care of you. God loves you and desires your happiness.
You don't have to earn My regard. You do not need a specified number of points in order to have it. You have it. It is yours.
Today do three nice things for yourself. What would they be? Not something down the road, but something right here, right now, that will make you smile. Buying a cat toy for your kitties makes you happy. That's one. What else would be a Bev-treat for you? What is your favorite food? Have it. Have all you want. And maybe you would like to visit the pet store and love the sentient beings there.
You are good, Bev. You are worthy. I love you. Know it, and love yourself kindly.
You have nothing to prove. You have no test to take. You have no performance to perform. You only have to be. Be the blossom that you are and nourish it instead of trying to make it grow faster on demand.
I am well-pleased with you. Now, surrender your idea of perfection. You do not achieve Me. You sink into Me. That is surrender.
Untense your muscles.
Do not hold on, for I hold you with great love and great confidence in your power to trust. Let go of the past, the demands you make on yourself and Me; they are from long ago. They have no validity now, if they ever did. But you do not even respect them now.
Be. Be a newborn babe today. Be good to yourself and listen to your real needs and wants and not manufactured ones. Listen to Me. Hear Me. And let life unfold.