Margaret to Gloria:
Dear, dear Gloria, well, as you can imagine, I was blown away by THIS version of Heaven! I don't have a disagreeing bone in my body with God, this time. It was wonderful in every way, and I am working on my reply but it's taking me a while because as I write my responses, the answers come to me and change the questions.
As for you, never mind about fat vs. thin. That has nothing to do with happiness. Happiness is only from the heart. Ask God if you don't believe me!
I never in a jillion years expected what I got out of this. I don't think I can express myself superlatively enough to say what God's answer meant to me. And thank you for sharing those other people's comments, too. I feel very blest, and I hope I can deserve it and not just pigheadedly keep blundering on in the same old ways.
For example, I didn't take the day off. It's funny, I was kind of thinking of doing that, and looking for something from HEAVEN, even checked my email in the morning which I never do, but it hadn't arrived yet. So I shrugged off the feeling and went to work anyway. Then when I got home and saw God's response to my question and that GOD had suggested I stay home — well! Naturally, I could have stayed home the next day (today), but I felt compelled to go to work for some reason or another which I can't recall right now. So I'm not reformed yet.
As a compromise, however, I did spend a fair amount oftime working on my response while things were quiet at work today.
I found out today that my son has a 24-hour pass this weekend. He hasn't "graduated", but has gone as far as they think he can for now, and so they will send him home at the end of the month. I'm pretty scared, and I sure hope I can internalize some of the stuff God said really soon to get me through this. If not, you can bet God's going to hear from me!
Thanks for this wonderful thing you're doing.
Love in the superlative,
Margaret
Margaret to God:
Your answer was so wonderful- I laughed, I cried, I felt so relieved, so "normal!" I felt like I had come home. I am absolutely like a puppy with a bone who wants to be petted and says grrr at the same time! For a while, I dropped all my doggie bones; Your words were like a wonderfully refreshing swimming hole on a hot day. I just kept rereading and rereading, diving in and splashing myself with them and giggling and releasing.
I don't think You are the cause of all my troubles, or that You are out to get me, but I don't always know how to open my heart to You and let You come in. I know of no where else to go but to You, but I don't know what it means to "give in". Does it mean fail? Does it mean give up or be a victim? Does it mean forget about, "The Lord helps those that help themselves", and quit trying to make lemonade when you get lemons? Does it mean stop being responsible? I don't feel I've done anything wrong by continuing to keep trying to make the best of whatever comes.
If, however, by giving in to You, You mean take time to feel the feelings, I know I should spend a lot more time at that, and I'm working on it. But, who in their right mind wants to? Most of it hurts! For sure, I need to let go of the unfairness. I guess that probably means, "Feel it, grieve it and LET IT GO".
Thank You, though, for "There are no have to's with Me". It makes me feel hopeful, and safe, and cherished, and that I can get to the stuff I have to get to when I feel strong enough and brave enough to. I guess there's an up side and a down side to free will.
It is indeed true that I do not need things "my way", as I'm realizing more and more. When my daughter was born, she was not at all whom I was expecting. Once I realized she was every bit as wonderful as, but entirely different from what my naive self had been able to imagine, I was fine with it, more than fine. I feel like I need that kind of paradigm shift for my whole life: how can I let go of what I think my life should be (or what I think is possible, which is very different from what I want) to let YOUR part of our co-creation dominate? Because, if I'm stuck with what I can design for my life, obviously I'm not going to do so well! Is that what You mean by "give in"? How to I DO that? I really want to do that!
It is also true that my son and I are very much alike. I was more open-minded when he was born, without a particular idea of what he would be like. I never have quite figured out who he is, and I guess he hasn't, either, whereas, my daughter arrived with a clear concept of herself to which I responded. I have just recently realized that that is my son's problem, not mine. He must have learned to grr and want to be petted at the same time from me. It helps me ease up on both of us, though, to view him that way, and all that You said has made it easier for me to let go of him a little more and bless him to find his own way. And it turns out he's coming home soon, so I'll really need to let go and let You.
Thank you for everything. I know I'm not "done" yet, but I do feel very supported and that if I just keep rereading what You already told me, I'll have enough to go on for quite a while. I just figure it would be good to be happy, so I'm doing my best as I know it. But I'm eager to learn a new definition of doing my best to be happy.
God to Margaret:
Much good food for thought in your words here. How to give in and do your best.
Give in, Margaret. Start by addressing Me as God, or God Almighty, or Heavenly Father, or Almighty Father. I notice you do not address Me or sign off to Me. You do capitalize the You that refers to Me, and I appreciate that honor.
But now, say My name. Let Me hear you say it to Me right now. And I do like a dear in front of My name if you can spare it.
That is your first "giving in".
Consider that I exist and that We have a relationship, quite a symbiotic one. You are never alone. You have a steady partner. Remember that I am with you. Consult with Me.
Step 3. Concede your ignorance. Admit My wisdom. Be a newborn Margaret free of judgments. Be an innocent child and look up at Me. Give a thought to Me at work and on your way to work.
Give over to Me before you have to grieve.
Ask yourself every once in a while, "What would God want me to do here?"
Say: "God is My helper. He is here to assist. When I don't know how to handle something, I will turn it over to my dear God. I will let Him handle it.
"Of myself, I am nothing. With God, I am everything. I delude myself when I think I can shape, mold, and order my life to my will. I do not even know my will. I will find Your Will, dear God, and then I will know mine.
"You are my Senior Partner. I am Your aide. I am here to serve You, not You to serve me, although You do serve me at every twist and turn.
"I will let You guide me. I will not tell You what to do and how to do it and when.
"I will concede that I am responsible to no one but You. I am responsible for no one. I cannot fix anyone or my life or the world.
"I can release myself. I can give You everything. You can fix my son, and You can fix me. Even if I did know how, I cannot fix anything.
"I look to You as my dear God and as my Friend. I rely on you for my comfort and my love.
"The only thing in the world that I need is You. Yours is the only love there is.
"When I can concede that, I will stop trying to control events around me, and I will just be Margaret, a song of Yours.
"And then I will love Your love very much. I will release all I thought I knew and how smart and capable I am.
"I will find my true desires when I have stopped demanding then or insisting on them or insisting on anything.
"I will be watcher of Your gifts to Me.
"I will be friend to my son rather than teacher. When I reach the silence of my life and release all control to You, my son will also release his control, and he will stop bouncing off my will.
"Determination is one of my strengths, but it does not make me strong. It makes me a hold-out.
"I release to You even my determination and ask for Your strength, guidance, love and wisdom.
"All the things that I thought were my strengths are my stubbornness. I do not need them.
"The only strength I have is Yours.
"What I thought I owned, I do not. What I thought I ruled, I do not. I rule over nothing, not even my happiness.
"When I release all the holds and splints and braces I have put on myself, my true strength will emerge. At present all I have built is made of soda straws, and they have sucked my energy and allowed me to deny Your strength that is also mine."
So, dear Margaret, give up delusion. Start now.
I do not see here your answer to your question: "Who am I?"
You know all you are not. I will add a few more.
You are not your will. You are not your past. You are not tightener of the reins of life. You are not an executive of your life. You are not a lion-tamer of life.
You are My child. You are naught else.
Don't spar with Me any longer.
Accept Me.
Accept My love. Will you, Margaret? Will you accept My love?
When your son comes home, since you will have given responsibility for his well-being to Me, then you can be as a friend to him, as a true fifteen-year old friend to him. Melt your heart for his. Forget tough love. Spoil him. Put signs up welcoming him home, if you can feel comfortable to do these things. Make it so pleasurable for him in his eyes to be home that he will want to be there.
Consider him a foreign-exchange student sent to you for a while, and you are his host family. He does not know the ways of your land very well, nor your language. You do everything to make him happy and welcome, as he is. He is coming to your home for Me, and you have heard what a fine child of God he is. Be prejudiced in his favor.
Or be an observer, someone hired to learn Jesse, to understand him, to know his heart and what opens it. As an observer, you do not make him conform to your will. As an observer, you do not try to teach him anything. You try to understand. And you are total soft honesty with him. Be tender, not strong. Be truth.
If you find yourself feeling angry, ask yourself what is the true cause of your anger. You will see that it is you do not have the control over something that you think you should.
Ask Jesse for his help in understanding. Ask him what he liked at the residential center. Whom did he like, and what was it he liked about them?
You are not looking for popularity with your son, but you are looking to understand him. And you are looking to be genuinely kind to him, as if he were not your own son, but a son of Mine who is a guest in your house, a son of Mine that I entrust to you to make welcome on earth.
When things seem hard, ask Me for My help. Say, "Dear God, help me." And I will.
Giving in to Me means to have trust in Me. Have some trust, even a little trust. Give Me your troubles to take care of. Give up the façade that you can do anything on your own.
Tomorrow We can talk about your new definition of doing your best to be happy. Gloria wants to make it to the group meditation.
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NOTE: Nancy is the original Heavenreader, the first subscriber. She organized an Ask God Workshop in Pennsylvania, and she is the wife who feared to lose her husband. — Gloria