Gloria to God:
Dear God, the nasty email from my sister-in-law keeps running through my mind, back and forth, what I can say to her etc. Obviously, this had nothing to do with me; it is her baggage. Nevertheless, I feel beat up, so my reaction is mine. What was I hoping? That an attempted connection with my sister-in-law would return to me a deceased brother who didn't show his caring anyway?
So, now I'm crying. I tried to put my sister-in-law on the screen. She isn't connected to God, and she doesn't want to be, and I can't seem to stay there with her though I did use Your white light. I'll try again.
A little better maybe, but she runs away. She flees You, God, and spits at me.
Yesterday morning when I woke up, I felt my sister Sylvia's virulent and dark energy. It was very strong. I wonder now if it wasn't my sister-in-law's energy I was feeling. I had not realized before, but I think they have the same energy.
Karen has made me conscious of energies.
I think it's time I let You get a word in!
God:
Just remember where love is and Who your Father is, and what you are doing and where you are going.
Your sister-in-law has old baggage, and so do you, dear Gloria. You are capable of leaving it at the wayside, but she cannot at present. How firmly My children hold on to illusion, as though it were a life raft when it is really the chains that pull them down.
Gloria:
It's clear to me now that it's better I don't respond to my sister-in-law.
God:
Even when you can do it with love and compassion, she will not be able to see it. She has pictures on the inside of her glasses, and she cannot see beyond them.
Your positive attention on her can do much good for her, but it's better that you do not expect friendship from her. Love her from afar. The same for your sister.
You have too much to do to keep your thoughts back there, back then. You don't live there any longer. You live somewhere else. Don't let anything distract you from Heaven, Gloria. Keep your eye on Me and the Kingdom We share. Look up. Not back or down. Look up to where you are. Look around, but not down.
This feeling you have of Me right now, you can have that any time.
Gloria:
I have it most when I am writing Your words.
God:
That is because you focus on the vastness then. Any time you leave off focus of the finite, you find Me. It's where you look, and what you wait for.
Keep the sense of waiting for Me to arrive or return or stay. Keep the sense of My presence. When you are aware of My presence, nothing has changed but your awareness.
Your awareness is a tracking device. You can track old themes and hurts, or you can scent the call of Heaven.
A Course in Miracles, Lesson 323:
"I gladly make the 'sacrifice' of fear. Here is the only sacrifice You ask of Your beloved Son. You ask him to give up all suffering…and freely let Your Love come streaming in to his awareness, healing him of pain, and giving him Your Own eternal joy. Such is the sacrifice You ask of me…"
Gloria:
Dear God, that's what just happened before. Your love came streaming into my awareness, and You healed me.
God:
Your awareness of Truth healed you. I always am. You just have to be here too! I am always waiting for your notice of Me. I am always ready for it. I never turn away from You or do anything unkind or hurtful. I wait for you to acknowledge Me the way a patient butler at the door would wait for you to ring the bell and tell him what you want.
And what do you want?
Gloria:
I do want to let go of the past. I don't want to be attached to it any longer. I don't want to lose my memory, God, but I want to let the negativity go and be with You every moment. I want to help You and do some good. I want to no longer require love and kindness from everyone and his brother. I want to let my heart be full of the knowledge of Your love and the abundance of it.
You, God, do not suffer hurt feelings. You give love no matter what. The small agonies of the world don't get you down.
God:
I see with eyes of love. I also see with eyes of certainty of the good that lies ahead for My creation.
The child wanders in the forest and thinks he is lost. But I know he is not. I know the way out of the forest, and I know I will lead him there. I know his fears are only fantasies. They are ungrounded. He thinks his fear and lostness are real, and I know they are not.
Love is love and has no hurt feelings. And I am Love, and Love is your truth as well, and you will know it as you toss out more and more of the debris of the past and enter the truth of this moment in Heaven.
Gloria:
Dear Mother Divine, I must say that lots of thoughts from the past pop up, like just now I remembered a lovely fireplace of old brick that I painted a mustard color. This was when I was married, and my husband definitely did not want it painted, and I did it anyway. And he was right. I would never paint over old brick now. I don't want that thought and a million others like it.
Mother Divine:
Imagine that, as each old pesky thought returns to you, a computer icon takes it and puts in into the trash; therefore, you are seeing it on its way out, and it will no longer be stored within you to clog your heart and mind.
Not an empty head do you want, but a clear one. All the electrical impulses cleared, ready to go, with no bumps. The electrical network of the brain is on Ready. But remember, the most important receiving and delivering organ is the heart.
The mind cannot always tell you truth. The heart can.
Gloria:
Karen emphasized that what appears on the physical may not be what is at all, and it is better for me to go by my inner feelings rather than someone's words. I know I have been "nice" when inside I was angry. I know I have felt with some people that there is a lot of pretense, mine too, my going along with it.
I want to be able to call myself and others on things and not play games. I would love to be honest. What a relief to be honest. Then I would not be trying to please all the time. Giving love and trying to please are two different things all right.
Later…
Gloria:
Dear Mother Divine, all last night in my sleep, I kept hearing the words: "While I sleep at night, God sits on my pillow." Some of the time it was "…God is under my pillow."
And under my pillow is that healer's translation of a section of the Kabbalah. Any connection there?
Mother Divine:
God is under, on, around, on top, inside, under the pillow. God is with you every moment. It doesn't really mean under your pillow. God is within you and with you. So, if your head rests on a pillow, He is there also. God has no precise physical form, so you don't need to think you are inconsiderate to rest your head on Him.
Gloria to God:
Dear God, what would You like to tell me?
God:
Be not tense. Be at ease. With Me and with everyone. With your daughter and yourself. What is the rush? You know where you're going. You will arrive on time. There is no deadline, and all waits for you.
Tomorrow finalize your query letter and send it out to that agent you liked. Even if you have to neglect the typing.
And don't worry about Sunshine. He will feel fine. He will be back to his old self soon.