Gloria to God:
Dear God, Brad said something last night on the phone about how he isn't affected by what other people think anymore, and I would like that. I am affected. My sister-in-law's rude note, the literary agent's, and a man's words and dirty looks yesterday down the street where I was walking Sunshine and Ginger. This man seems to either hate people who walk their dogs, dogs, or people who are part of the meditating community here, or he just hates everybody. Yesterday I was across the street from him thankfully. He was on his front porch with a woman whom I assume is his wife. I heard him say, "There she goes again," and I automatically waved and the woman waved back. The man continued his sour expression and look of venom. It took me a second before I realized he was not being nice.
I can say this is not personal to me; it's his problem; it certainly doesn't need to affect me, and, yet, here I am, affected.
As soon as I realized he was not being friendly, I put Your Wand of White Light on him, dear God, and I was okay, of course.
I think Karen would say, by my being affected, I've let him hook into me, and I'm taking on his stuff.
I also must mention, although I get joy from nice things people say and do, that feeling doesn't match the intensity of the effect of something unkind; nor does it last as long.
The negative is a stab, and the positive is a quick disappearing kiss.
The thing for me to do is not be so affected by either positive or negative. What matter accolades or boo's when You shine before me? What can possibly overtake You, dear God?
God:
I have two answers for you. Everything and nothing. All is insignificant next to Me, and all are Me, and that is your dilemma, Gloria.
You know I exist in all. So a man is unkind, and your heart sinks. You have the thought: "Maybe God doesn't love me today, or why else is this barbed-wire of a man here? I am a nice older lady, innocently walking two sweet puppies, and somehow we cause someone's venom to come out. At least the man doesn't hold a gun or have an angry mob with him etc., and, yet, why do I cause this, and why am I affected?"
You know the answer. For a moment your love of God skips a beat, and you feel the crawling of a man's discontent on your back.
Do you remember how, in The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom's sister expressed gratitude for everything in the concentration camp, including the fleas?
Think a moment of why you can be grateful for that man.
Gloria:
He shared his unhappiness as he focussed it on me.
He is calling for help.
I am grateful Sunshine wanted to walk on the other side of the street that day.
I am grateful I have legs to walk and two dear puppies to walk.
I am grateful for the love and sweetness in my home that this man accentuated.
I am grateful for You.
I am grateful I walk in a town where there aren't gangs and guns.
I am grateful I have other streets to walk on, though this one seems to be Sunshine's favorite.
I am grateful I am a human being who can feel things.
I am grateful for a small lesson that can help me be stronger. (I am not really grateful for this, but I'm sure I should be.)
I am grateful that this is my biggest problem.
I am grateful I have choices of how to deal with this, like Your Wand of White Light, something other than just hating back, though I have a little of that too.
God:
That last sentence reflects your taking on his feelings. He hurls out his negativity, and you catch it. You can let it bounce off you. You can stomp it into the ground, and not dig it up with your thoughts.
Gloria:
God, I could also think of that lovely lady, Ruth, on another street. She comes out to talk to me when she sees us going by, gives us her raked leaves for mulch, and has a cat Dusty that Sunshine and Ginger both adore.
God:
You could.
Gloria:
I guess this is my question. Why can't there only be Ruth's?
God:
Because life is a story of growth. Discordant notes come so that you can rise above them and so that the offender can too. Perhaps — I say just perhaps — that man asks himself, "Why am I so disgruntled when that lady and her dogs walk by? This is a public street. She has the right to walk on it. I don't own it." Maybe he asks himself, or maybe his wife asks him that. And then you and your puppies have offered him growth. Maybe you are his lesson.
When you can disengage, Gloria, then there is no reason for you to come across that kind of situation. Then, if the situation continues to occur, in this form or another, then you know that the lesson is not for you, and you can pass it by like a pebble in the street that has nothing do to with you but is just there, and you will no longer take it to heart.
A Course in Miracles, Lesson 342:
"I let forgiveness rest upon all things, for thus forgiveness will be given me…I thank You, Father, for Your plan to save me from the hell I made. It is not real…I stand before the gate of Heaven…Let me not wait again today. Let me forgive all things, and let creation be as You would have it be and as it is…Brother, forgive me now. I come to you to take you home with me. And as we go, the world goes with us on our way to God."
Gloria:
So, dear God, I have to forgive that unhappy man for being unhappy?
God:
Yes.
Gloria:
And bless him with a full heart?
God:
Yes. And ask him to forgive you for your hurt and judgement. Gloria, when you see an apple tree full with blossoms, and next to it a withering apple tree with few blossoms, you are not angry with the withering tree. You see it for what it is, nod, bless it, and put your attention on the tree that will bear apples.
Gloria:
Thank You.
Dear Mother Divine, I don't like it when I don't feel like I'm perfectly wonderful! I don't want to have flaws and weaknesses and be less than perfect! I want to always be right!
Mother Divine:
So long as you are in a human body, so long as that is what you look at, at the daily recitals within that body and the exigencies of life, so long as you see with your physical eyes and heap judgement with your accrued skill, that is how long you will be flawed and imperfect and not know much.
When you can let the strings of attachment and conditions unwind themselves from you, then you will know a little and gain more.
You ask a lot of a human being. Perfection in the eyes of the world! Oh, my, how can you succeed with that?
Better to seek the perfection of God within you. God doesn't care about a lot of the things that the world makes much of.
You are a patch of God on earth, Gloria, and when you seat yourself in God's eyes and heart, when you capitalize on His Mind and Vision, when you rest in Him, you will be right.
The irony is you will not think about being right because you will be beyond and out of judgment, as is God. You will just be, and the tokens of the world will not be much in your thoughts because you will be full of God and not an issue of being right or not right.
Later…
Gloria to God:
Dear Almighty God, what will You tell me this evening?
God:
You were a little sensitive today, were you not?
Gloria:
Yes.
God:
What do you think it was?
Gloria:
Just me. Nothing untoward happened, but I kind of wondered what I was doing. I went to the Bargain Box, My Lucky Day, and grocery-shopping, and I felt delicate. Just one of those days, I guess. I better start doing my asanas and pranyam. I did go to bed early last night and slept a good eight hours.
God:
You feel a longing for something?
Gloria:
Love, I suppose. My birthday is coming up, and I think I am usually sensitive around then.
God:
Write down your birthday wishes, Gloria, and they will come true.
Gloria:
Thank You, dear God. Dear Mother Divine, what will you tell me tonight?
Mother Divine:
When you feel so sensitive and raw as you felt today, it is a good time to respect that and stay within with God, and go out another day, even if this is the day you get a discount at the super market.
Gloria:
Yes, I will remember that. I think some if it is that Lauren — she didn't forget my birthday, but she forgot it was on Sunday and made a date with some guy from Des Moines. She'll take me to Iowa City Saturday to see Life is Beautiful and eat out etc. I told her to never mind about Sunday, but I guess I feel that Sunday will be a long day. It's Easter, and I wouldn't know where to go or what to do.
Mother Divine:
Make a lovely day for yourself Sunday. Plan it as a marvelous day at home. If I, Mother Divine, were coming to visit you, how would you entertain me? Do the same for yourself, dear one.