When you feel anguish, you have dislocated yourself from Me. When you feel disjointed, that is exactly what you have done. You have severed your awareness from Mine. When you feel isolated, you have isolated yourself.
When you give Me your being, when you give it to Me for safekeeping, you will know that you are in My arms.
Sometimes you give yourself to Me, and then you take your allegiance back. You give and take, give and withdraw. You lack confidence in Me. You just are not so sure about Me.
You would like to have full trust, but a thread of it is missing because you look at the state of things, the state of the world, the conditioned aspects of life, the dreams thwarted, the rubbish on the street, withering vines, hopes dashed… you are suspicious.
Have you been waiting for conditions to change before you give yourself over to Me? Have you been looking for some evidence that I will do well by you? Some proof? Some magical happening? A gold coin thrown before you? A magnificent event? A sign?
Those are all excuses to bolster your belief that you may be better off without Me. You are afraid I will do you in, require a great deal from you and give you suffering in exchange. You are afraid of what I will do.
Of course, I will do as I have always done, and I will look out for you. You have been My responsibility all along. You think you are your own. You may even think that I am irresponsible, for I have not always done what you wanted or in the way you wanted and saw as right — as far as you could see.
You don't have enough trust because you can't see very well. You think you have been going on your own steam, and that you might as well continue. Do you really have more trust in yourself than you do in Me?
What is this thing called trust? You may never have known it. You may have known distrust very well. Distrust has been proven to you over and over again. You count the times you have been let down in the world. You believe that you can count on distrust. You have found distrust reliable. You have lain, knowingly or unknowingly, blame at My feet. You gave Me blame. Glory you took for yourself. And so you remove yourself far from Me.
Christ said that if you had the faith of a mustard seed, you could move mountains. Let's face it, even the little mustard seed has more trust in Me than you do. It would not be hard to find more trust in Me than My children have. Anywhere you look. You have not learned trust. You have unlearned it.
You have had a tendency to look to results for the weight of My worth to you. Result-orientation is looking at the wrong end. Results are a small indicator of what your trust in Me gives you.
Think of how your heart would sing were it laden with trust in the God Who conceived you. Think of what your journey in life would become if you conceived of the constancy of My presence in your life as a worthy Friend Who likes to be with you and help you as you make your way back to Me.
I have great trust in you. Perhaps that is what you cannot believe. Perhaps you feel it is better to abandon Me before I can abandon you. But it is impossible for Me to let go of you. You can let go of Me all you want, but still I carry you.
We have different ideas of Reality, you and I. You think the skin of the orange is integral to the orange while I know it is not. You think the skin of life is the heart of the matter. You have accepted on faith that the outer matters the most, even when you know deeply it is not so. You have made the skin of life your idol. No matter how many times it disappoints you, you idolize it. You run after it. And your disappointments you give Me instead of your trust. I, the One Who loves you the most of all, ever waits for you to recognize Me and the inalterable place I hold in your life. Here I am.