I know how difficult life can appear to be. And appearances can be so convincing. At times, one just wants to give up! If only I knew how. Despondency creeps in...followed by its darker brother...depression. And what triggers these states can be very different for each one of us. A state can envelop us that is so stunning...polarizing...paralizing...so that we even walk in a stagger...with a continual down-cast stare. It is not very pleasant...to say the least.

And then I kind of aimlessly walk...half seeking some kind of relief...and half not caring...just walking...into a park it appears...and then a secluded bench....that is good...away from it all...so no one will notice me. I just want to be left alone...all alone.

And I just sit there...me in a grey fog...just there...nothing to do...nowhere to go...alone by myself...just me and my misery. A long time passes...it seems...and then I notice something:

A white peony in full bloom. It is quite stunning...even through my foggy gaze. Hmm. It seems so bright and alive...and look...something glistening on the downward tip of a dainty petal. A little bead of dew...like a little jewel...or a little tear.

Something tells me... "that this little flower has sense enough to cry".
Where did I get those words?...who cares? And then a sadness begins to well up within me...just a sadness...no big deal...maybe...just maybe...from all of those unexpressed moments...across the playing fields of my life when I dared not to shed a tear...when the barriers were too thick to feel much of anything...

Yet now...it feels like something is coming up...a deep wave of grief perhaps. "At least I now know I'm alive..." I say to myself....half-amused. And then it is my turn to cry...

I look again at the peony and noticed that new tears have gathered on the petal. Maybe we have something in common...

I take a long sigh...and feel one moment of sweet relief...a moment of relief and gratitude for being me.

A kind of seed was planted in that encounter with the peony...a seed that went deep into my heart.
And ever since then, I have felt an ease with myself and others...and perhaps something resembling love.

Thank you God for the gift of the peony...the gift of hope...and the gift of love.

These words just came to my heart...one by one...to share with your heart...Loving you, Jimi.