You seek to understand life and all that befalls. As if dearth of intellectual understanding holds you back.
Intellectual understanding is nice, and it does come to you, but making sense of the events of your life is not the basis of it. In terms of the intellect, the twists and turns of life will never make sense.
Can you imagine Christ on earth racking his brains over the meaning of his life?
He released to Me. That was his surrender, to let his life take its course and to never mind it. To never mind about the past and its influence. To never mind about understanding as though it were an object he must have. He relinquished his control of his understanding and gave meaning over to Me.
He minded about walking with Me. That made sense to him. His walk was strong. He strode forth into life. He moved only forward. He did not try to wring meaning out of the past because his meaning was with Me.
It is not that he cast aside his life. It just was not where his attention was. He saw that attention on meaning was attention on the past. Christ didn't question why he took the steps he did and not other steps. He did not question the significance to him of this person or that person. They were in his life, and now they still were or were not. He did not heap up his memories, that's all. He did not collect them and put them in his way. He did not carry the past with him.
He saw My light beckoning him, and that's what he saw, and that's what he walked to. He had other things on his mind than what he understood or did not. He let his heart and mind be with Me. That was his salvation. And that is yours.
This is not to say that Christ did not learn. He learned as he went, but he did not stop to learn. He didn't turn his life into learning about himself. He didn't consider that he had to learn something first before he could learn the next. He just learned as he went.
He did not make his life into chapters. He didn't wrap up parts. He walked past them. He let the past be. Moving along with Me was paramount. Figuring out the meaning of his life or life in general was not.
His concern was not greatness. He didn't decide to be great. Nor was he concerned about trusting Me. He trusted. It is not that he had faith, as you think of faith. He didn't think about it. His thoughts were on more than his relationship to the world. He was not concerned even with his relationship to Me. His concern was with Me. He did not weigh matters as much as you do. He followed the breath of My love. He entered into it. He put nothing between us.
He didn't seek for My Will as though that were a separate step from following it. He did not separate Me from My Will. He wasn't thinking his will and My Will, and that he would chose Mine over his. He just followed.
He did not make divisions. He did not sort things out. He had great thoughts, and they were Mine. He truly gave over to Caesar what was Caesar's, and turned to Me. He was the lily of the field that grew in My light.
He saw what he was born to. That was all he had to see. He did not need to know the in's and out's. He had only to know Me. He put his heart in Mine. He knew My greatness, and he multiplied My thought and My joy. All he did, he did for Me. All he was, he was for Me. He was for Me. And he became a lamp for you to read by.