The language you use matters. Language is only language, yet your choice of words matters. How you speak bespeaks your relationship to the world. How you speak bespeaks how you think the world relates to you.
I would suggest that you favor gentle speech. That may help to tame the world and yourself.
At the same time as I say this, your speech is more than your words and tone of voice. Your speech is a revealer. It reveals your consciousness.
You know what it is to be angry and still speak sweetly. That is commendable, but better yet that you speak sweetly and be aligned with your speech.
Sometimes you have been taught manners. You may have read books on manners, and you dutifully follow what you learn. You do well to use manners. How much better yet it is when manners, which are consideration, come from the wealth of your heart rather than a protocol.
There are situations that arise that have no prescribed protocol.
At these times take a breath and remember Me. Remember Whom you work for. Remember Whom you are representing. If you were wise and wonderful, how would you respond when someone gets your goat? Who is responsible for your irateness? You know it's difficult for anyone to make you do anything but what you choose to do.
Yes, you say you would rather not be angry, and yet you choose anger. Can you only be courtly when the person in front of you is nice? It is easy for you to be calm and well-mannered when the person in front of you is calm and well-mannered. Yet, can you only be what the person in front of you is? Can you only parrot emotions and words?
You understand by now that you are an actor in life. Actors play different roles. What if, in this situation you find yourself in and upset by, that you are to play the role of an exquisite lady or gentleman who always rises above the skirmishes in the world and rescues everyone who happens to be acting the role of an unruly person? Is it not possible that you can write the script for this scene of the play you are in? What if you can accommodate another person? What if you don't have to defend yourself? What if you don't have to get into it with him? What if this person before you is distraught for a substantial reason that has nothing to do with you? Do you have to know what it is? Could you be compassionate then and play well the role of one who gives solace rather than rebuttal? What would you have to prove then, beloved? Have you really thought that you have to stick up for yourself? Are you sure you're not sticking up for your ego?
No one has the right to speak harshly to you. Without exception, no one is right to direct rude anger at you. But nor are you right to redirect anger at anyone. Expression of anger is unmannerly. You will agree that all anger, no matter how exalted, is rude, won't you? Of course, you think that your anger is justified. You wouldn't be angry otherwise.
And now I am going to tell you that no matter the perceived cause, no anger is justified. I know you will argue with me over this. Let me put it this way - there is no justification for your portraying yourself as less than you are. I have told you Who you are. When you feel anger, that is when to become creative, give your best performance, and be a true star in the play of life.