I used to be so, so angry with God. And I wasn't even sure who God was...but I was really angry with him for most of my life. I felt that my life was so crazy and stupid and I really wasn't having very much fun for most of all of my life...so someone must be to blame for this. It certainly wasn't me...I was trying to make life work so much...I was efforting so much...I was trying to do all of the right things...and I was still basically very unhappy most of the time for most of my life. So...I was blameless...it must be God that was causing all of my unhappiness! Ya...that was it. So I will just blame Him....He's big enough to take it! So I would blame God for everthing!...and that did console me a bit...but I was still miserable..I was also very needy...and just hoped others would love me. Of course I put on a great front and appeared to be happy to others...(don't so many of us do this?) One of the turninng points happened about 2 and a half years ago when my wife died. I went into some very deep grieving...and in the middle of this grief...I felt a kind of sweetness that i never felt before. And then soon after I remember looking at other people...even strangers....and felt very loving towards them...even more loving to them then people I was really close to. Gosh! So, I just kept doing this...and slowing, God was added to those I would love. And...in this process, how I felt about myself was definitely changing...I was much easier on myself. All of the negative thoughts about myself appeared to be fading. So now...it is like life is running itself...or God is running it or something like that. I do feel so, so, blessed! God and I are best friends now. When I think of God, it brings a warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. And when I think of you, it brings a warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. Could there be a connection? And I really do love everone...and have a great respect and honoring of people who are unhappy, stuck, in pain of all kinds. All of these people are in my heart...they live there...arnd I love them. Loving you always, Jim and Jimi.