God knows you don’t want to be angry. Beloved, you don’t even want anger to simmer on the back burner of your stove.
You have seen others rein in their anger, yet it seems that you have run-ins with your own acknowledged anger. Sometimes you feel outright irritation and anger. It doesn’t seem to matter how much you don’t want to be near anger. You keep trying to kick your anger away, and, here you are, immersed in anger time and time again. You come to wonder if you are actually civilized at all. What are you bemoaning that makes you feel so angry again and again even as you cry out that you absolutely don’t want anger which, regardless, seems to repeatedly rise up within you. You recognize that it is within you that the flames of anger are fanned.
That your anger is righteous anger doesn’t make it any better for you. You want the overriding sense of anger to be gone. Anger squelches you. You simply don’t know how to quell your anger at the same time as you don’t want to ever have anger rise within you again.
You do understand that the anger you feel is your anger. When you feel the insurmountable waves of anger, no matter how self-righteous you may feel, you don’t want want anger. Self-righteous or not, what do you want anger for? You really don’t believe that anger of any kind serves you. What could anger serve, if anything?
Anger doesn’t really even serve your ego. Your army of anger diminishes you and your life as you know it. Fie on anger. You simply do not want it ever again, yet you don’t seem to know how to rid yourself of it. You don’t want to pass anger onto anyone either. Nor do you care to waste time debating the rights and wrongs of your anger. There are no designated trash heaps to dump your anger in. There are no regular pick-ups where wasteful anger is picked up in the trash on Friday mornings.
You don’t want anger. Period. Nor do you desire to foist your anger onto anyone else no matter what. No matter how much there may be just cause for anger, you fervently desire to keep even one spark of it.
Anger just seems to foment anger. You cry out to have your anger removed, and removed once and for all, removed now and forever. Yet, here you are with anger clinging to you.
You want to be free from anger. You definitely don’t want to stuff your anger in a box and keep it in the back of a closet.
You don’t see anger as a necessity at all. There are so many pleasantries afforded you and freedoms as well. You want Peace. Peace to you in this angry moment adds up to you with Freedom from anger. You would love Pure Peace, yet right now you would applaud even a little Freedom from unholy anger. You would settle for absence of anger. You would be so grateful for that for no more tooth-clenching anger.
You don’t feel this is asking for too much. Even so, you don’t feel capable of fluffing off anger. You would do anything to remove anger, your own personal anger, and anything to remove anger from the face of the Earth. You don’t really want just to toss anger off a cliff somewhere. You don’t really want to stifle anger. You do desire anger to disappear.
And then what? You start to feel weak-kneed? What would replace the streams of anger in the world then? Even as you desire with all your Heart that anger be gone, you wonder where would angerlessness leave you?
Fervently you say:
“God, without emotion, what will life be? Will vitality back out along with anger? Without anger, would I be without momentum? What is up with this, God? Would I become stone cold?”